Love Christmas? Here's your X-Mas gift-giving porn spot.

(via) John Lewis is a UK department store chain. This is their new Christmas advert which began running last weekend. Does it put you in the purchasing mood here in mid-November? I'm genuinely happy for you. Note: The always intelligent YouTube commentators are crying foul over the sure-to-die outdoor doggie. Ad agency: Adam & Eve London. For those of you who don't love Christmas, search my Christmas Evil archive here and here. And, here's proof that Christmas is Evil. Here's more proof. And more.

Christmas Evil—the Nose Warmer.

(click ad, from 1965, via)
The Snot Collector! Yeah, let me put one of those on and hit the rink. Doubles as a Penis Warmer for you, anonymous troll. Previously in: Christmas Evil.

Christmas Creepiest.

(click ad for closer look)
Yes. Christmas starts today at 11am. So go buy the first tickets "of the season"—that season being SUMMER. Well, there is a slight chill in the air this morning. Go get 'em, sweaty, sick elves. (full-page ad scanned from the back of amNY) Previously in I hate X-mas:
• Toys R Us almost got firebombed
• the Blackwater Christmas tree ornament;
• Pope & Grinch—separated at the birth of Christ
• and, the 12 days of Christmas Evil thread.

Christmas Evil: the two worst X-Mas ads ever.

(click ads, via) After an exhaustive search through every holiday-themed ad that ever ran in the history of the world, I've found the absolute awfulest. Yes she was "happier with a Hoover." Because, luckily, hubby got her a heavy one with a nice long handle so's she could deck the halls with his blood...A fucking 10-lb fucking box of fucking Prunes! Well, "friend," I hope you won't mind terribly if I mail you back my 12 shits of Christmas! Search my X-Mas Evil archives here and here.

Christmas catalog launched by beatboxing Bing Crosby.

(via) Bling Crosby! I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, YO! Just, Fuck The What, Argos? Add Bing to the graveyard of dead rappers. And, add this spot to copyranter's Christmas Evil archive. By London ad agency CHI & Partners.

Christmas Evil: What the Hell is Frosty doing to Santa?

(click image, via)
Cold Pole in the Hole.
Previously in X-Mas Evil:
Jersey Shore ornaments.

The 12 Evil Days of Christmas.

It's almost time for the 2nd annual copyranter's 12 Evil Days of Christmas. On random days through the end of the year, I will be posting evil X-mas web finds. They'll "Sleigh" You!!! Get It?!?

Christmas Evil—LOOK at this disgusting suet pudding.

(click ad, from 1960, via)
"Tough Guy" Christmas pudding is fucking A right. Shredded suet? Hang it outside for the fucking woodpeckers, Mom. Where's my goddamn gingerbread men? Not disgusting enough for ya? Here's five more really disgusting vintage food ads.

"On the 1st Evil day of X-mas, my true hate gives to you..."

In addition to my unhinged adrants®™©, starting today through Dec. 31st I will be randomly posting the 12 Evil Days of Christmas. Yes I was inspired by this. Day One: The Best Christmas Movie Title Of All Fucking Time.

It's never too early to shop for the mercenary on your Christmas list.

It's the Blackwater Christmas tree ornament! Because nothing says "Joy To The World" like mass murder in Mesopotamia!
For the price of $11.50 (plus shipping), you too can get this stylish decoration—featuring the warm, cuddly BW bear print logo—and place it reverently on your tree next to Rudolph and Jesus.
Then, on Christmas Eve, you can gather the children 'round and tell them the story of Blackwater Bear, the Grizzly that mauled a bunch of Grinches disguised in robes.
previously in sick X-Mas:
1. XXX-Mas pornaments.
2. Easy-Bake® Meth Lab.
3. proof that X-Mas is Evil.
4. Happy Holidays from Danzig.

Christmas Evil: Jersey Shore tree ornaments.

(click image, via flickr)
Available at Walgreens. Sold out on the Home Shopping Network.
Previously:
• the Blackwater tree ornament.

"On The 2nd Evil Day of Christmas..."

(On random days through the end of the year, I will be posting 12 evil X-mas finds.)

#2 of 12. The Easy-Bake® Meth Lab.

Last Year: It is said children are hypersensitive to the presence of Evil Spirits.

The closest I've ever come to firebombing a store.

I love Halloween. It's your one chance to be a total Dickwad or walking bOOb, unless of course you're already one the other 364 days of the year. That said, I do not love Christmas. To call me a Grinch doesn't even come close to describing how much I despise December 25th. This wonderful photoshopped pic at least gets you in the neighborhood of my hatred. It's an evil, evil day. Here's proof.
I hadn't walked by the old Tower Records location on lower Broadway in quite a while, until this morning at 7:35 am.
It's September Fucking 27th, Toys-R-MotherFucking-Us. Yesterday, it was near 90 degrees. You're lucky I didn't find a stray Molotov cocktail in the streets, otherwise, I swear, I would've, at least, maybe, considered raising the temperature inside your new store to, oh, about 1500 degrees Celsius.
(answer to the question "What is the temperature of fire?" found here!)

"On The 10th Evil Day of Christmas..."

Today is the 66th and 35th birthdays of Phil Spector and Jared Leto, respectively. Bat-shit insane Spector, one of the most important pop music producers in history, is scheduled to go on trial on January 16th for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson. Actor Leto is the singer/guitarist for 30 Seconds to Mars, one of the worst rock bands to ever plug in amps. I'll leave it to you to decide who is more Evil.
Last Year: "Smashed Frosty..."

"On The 9th Evil Day of Christmas..."

(Chicago) An EVIL person stole a total of 32 baby Jesi from frontyard nativity scenes and then lined them all up against an area woman's fence. (story link) Pics of "afro" and "anglo" (their terms, not mine) baby Jesus dolls found here.
Last Year: Rudolph isn't such a lovable name...

"On the 6th Evil Day of Christmas..."

(the only repeat from last year)
Separated at Birth: The Grinch & The 'Zinger.
previously in Evil X-Mas 2006:
6. Gus the Camel.
5. Fat Elf Cop.
4. Happy Holidays from Danzig.
3. Santa's Butt Ale.
2. Easy Bake® Meth Lab.
1. Pornaments.

"On The 4th Evil Day of Christmas..."

I give to you, Lodi, New Jersey's 4'-10" Prince of Darkness, founder of the Misfits, Glenn Allen Azalone aka "Evil Elvis" aka MOTHERFUCKIN' DANZIG!!! Happy Holidays, "Mother!" (scanned from the cover of this week's Exit magazine.)
Last Year: "They saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus..."

On The 1st Evil Day of Christmas...

(On random days through the end of the year, I will be posting 12 evil X-mas finds.)

Here's #1 of 12.

"On The 12th Evil Day of Christmas..."

Type "Dead Santa" into Google Image search and this shot shows up about 100 times—so I sure as shit ain't gonna try to track down who the hell posted it first. Also showing up was this shot of Illinois corpse Robert Rion who, after legally changing his name to Santa Claus, was found dead in his home (true story). Last Year: The R. Kelly X-Mas album.

"On The 11th Evil Day of Christmas..."

The crown-of-thorns Jesus ash tray, found here. Also available, the Jesus Lock 'n Load ash tray and the Anima Sola Soul of Purgatory ash tray.
Last Year: tree stand vs. medieval torture device.