(via) Yes! It's time again for Russian Ad Watch, where I watch Russian ads with a wary—and today, very weary—Western eye. Hey look, another chat-themed ad featuring a boob joke (previously). This one, which is a few months old, is for Talisman, a language center. I have absolutely nothing to say about it, I'm too tired. Ad agency: Cosmos in Yekaterinburg. Previous dirty language school ad: "I wanna fuck you in the ass."
Russian Ad Watch: Bruce Willis dares you p*ssies to bank elsewhere.
(click ad, via) Time for Russian Ad Watch—where we watch Russian ads without total comprehension. Willis is the new badass face of Trust bank of Russia. Headline says: "Trust—it's like me, only it's a bank!" Says Dmitry Chukseev, Trust's vp of communications: "We have conducted market research which confirmed that he is an absolute leader in the overall index of perception of the target audience. The image of Willis - a reliable and decent man, which he translates not only on screen but also in everyday life, fully coincides with our values and values of our clients, which confirmed the aforementioned study "
A reliable and decent man? Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker. update: in-country source says he got about $1 million US (thanks Marina!). update #2: I scooped Reuters, and I got the dollar figure, bitches! Previous celebs who hopped on the ruble ad gravy train: Jude Law • Quentin Tarantino.
Russian Ad Watch: cheating men slapped in the face in super slo-mo HD.
(via) It's a video for Kasperksy Lab's Mobile Security, shot with a Phantom Gold HD camera (up to 1,500 HD frames per second). Next time, hide your sexting, Russian infidels. Kasperksy, you probably don't remember, made Jackie Chan look like a complete buffoon in an Internet security spot last year via China. Ad agency: in-house. Previously in: Russian Ad Watch.
(via) For "Sico" flavored condoms. Very sicko, it appears. ANI or another Russian reader, please translate. update: see comments for translation, which is strange. Previously in Russian Ad Watch: The Sausage Man will haunt you tonight.
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This is an ad for Lenin State Farm, near Moscow. The slogan is something like: "Glamour is for fools, vitamins for the People." Vladimir Ilyich would be proud. But you'd think even amateurs would be able to dub in actual shotgun blasts instead of that pea-shooter sound. Previously in: Sexxxy Russian Ad Watch.
It's for Bulbash Zubrovaya, a Belarusian vodka with a piece of Bison grass in every bottle. The Bison is kind of a mascot of Belarus. The Bison is "whistling" a song written by Belarusian folk rocker Vladimir Mulyavin (died in 2003), according to adme.ru. So: 30 seconds of a Bison whistling a dead folk rocker's tune sells vodka. There you have it. Ad agency: Kryn. Previously in: Russian Ad Watch.
Russian Ad Watch: Carl's Jr. murders Ronald McDonald.
(via) The American chain, famous for the Paris Hilton car wash porn spot, has now opened locations in St. Petersburg. This is the terrible first commercial. Look for a Mickey D's C&D letter to materialize. If they want to take out the Russian Burger King, he frequents co-ed steam baths. Previously in: Russian Ad Watch.
The Nutcracker Sweetie? (sorry)
New spot for Orange Fitness in Moscow, the place to go, apparently, for a rock hard ass. Very crude, kinda funny. 100% unoriginal. Below is a spot for Leo's Sports Club in Munich from 2003. Previously in: NSFW Russian Ad Watch.
(click ads, via) It's time yet again for Russian Ad Watch—where I watch Russian ads after first testing my tea for polonium 210. Wow. Demi Moore (left) has really let herself go (context). Enlarged lacteal glands? Increase in facial hair? Where did the agency get that specious side effect info from? I'm thinking this may actually be a subversive campaign by the Russian vodka distillers. Note:"Feminity" is spelled wrong (The ads are translated from Russian for publicity purposes.). Ad agency: M&C Saatchi, Russia. Related: Here's a recent Russian anti-drinking commercial featuring a psychotic talking squirrel.
No really, THE most disturbing anti-drug videos ever.
It's time again for Russian Ad Watch, where we watch Russian ads with a wary Western eye. I know, I overdo the hyperbole here on copyranter, what with all the "most......ever" posts. But this time, it's for real. We have two government videos (it's true) via the Krasnoyarsk territory aiming to dissuade young people from doing drugs. First up, the above ass-fucking scenario. Translation, according to my special Russian correspondent: Young man: "I'm a drug addict. It's a disease. Why is everyone laughing at me?" Voiceover: "No dear. You're a fag." Young man: "But why?" V/O: "Because all drug addicts are fags. But not all fags are drug addicts." And...scene. Russia is very homophobic, in case you didn't know. update: Video taken down. Not surprising.
And here, schoolboy shit-eating. Translation: "Everyone who remains silent about drug dealing in schools, keeps a piece of excrement in their mouth. Don't be a member of the Shit Mafia." The Shit Mafia! ESAD! Ad agency Production Line was paid the equivalent of $13,600 US to produce six videos (see the other four slightly less disturbing spots here). I have nothing else to add to the video show. In America, this is the most shocking we get with anti-drug ad efforts.
Russian government uses psychotic squirrel in alcohol awareness spot.
(via) Welcome to the latest installment of Russian Ad Watch, where we watch Russian ads with various levels of incomprehension. God, do I need translation help with this PSA via the Russian Health Ministry. He is apparently called Hell-Squirrel? He is suffering from acute alcoholic psychosis (obvs). And...he killed his wife or a friend's wife, or something? Nice Curly impersonation there towards the end. Что за хрень? (what the fuck?) update: my Russian-savvy correspondent says he's ranting about invisible spiders and singing 'Volga.' The Russians do seem fairly obsessed with squirrels.
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It's time again for Russian Ad Watch, where we watch Russian ads with nearly complete incomprehension. This vaguely 1984-ish spot is for TCS Bank. Could somebody please translate the v/o at the end? Something about cobwebs and the Internet? Bruce Willis, who endorses another Russian bank, would approve of the demolition of Lenin''s tomb, I'm sure. Previous insane Russian TV spots here. Update: see comments for translation.
It's time again for Russian Ad Watch, where we watch Russian ads with a wary Western eye. Scofflaws! With their cheap, mobile IKEA furniture. According to adme.ru, IKEA Russia has received a flood of hate comments denouncing this commercial as "rude" and "unforgivable" and "law-breaking" and "antisocial." The biddy should just report the clever couple to the FSB for being clever; disappear her problem right quick. Ad agency: Instinct, Moscow. Related: Banned in Russia—Crazy® Cola spot is fucking crazy.
(click image, via) It's time again for Russian Ad Watch—where we watch sexxxyRussianads with our Western capitalist penis. It's dumplings. As you can see, her flour-covered butt is portraying a dumpling. Headline translation: "Your favorite ravioli!!!" Pelmeni dumplings are one of the most popular foods in Russia. This board, via frozen food company Daria, was erected in 13 locations and was subsequently banned by the country's Office of Federal Antimonopoly Service—who last year banned another butt billboard for a travel agency. Related: Beavis & Butt-Head show up on Russian dumpling package.
Russian anti-abortion poster campaign features only girl babies.
(click posters, via) Time again for Russian Ad Watch, where we watch Russian ads with a wary Western eye. To try to affect the country's population decline, United Russia has launched an outdoor campaign featuring future girl babies pleading their cases. Translations: (top) "I will make you happy. If I'm born." (bottom left): "I will amaze you. If I'm born." (bottom right) "I will help you. If I'm born." Note the Abortion-Busters logo. The campaign will apparently be augmented by videos in supermarkets (get home and make babies!). Thanks again to Marina Galperina for the translations. Previously: the great online abortion hoax of 2007.
(via) Redds is a disgusting fruit-flavored beer. This spot, by ad agency bazina.sass, had to be edited down to :20 for Russian federal TV, apparently because of the juicy vagina imagery, those two fruit balls, and the phallic ice penetrations. But! All advertising in post-Soviet Russia is SEX (nsfw)! Note: Absolut vodka is also quite intimate with the pussy fruit ad imagery.
Russian Ad Watch: your excuses for not quitting smoking are childish.
(via, via) The kids are good, especially the "after sex" boy and the "after that asshole left me" girl. The spot is certainly better than a previous Russian anti-smoking billboard that featured a baby with a cigarette ashed on his back. But it's not as effective as the wonderful anti-alcohol Hell Squirrel video. Militant anti-smoker NYC mayor Bloomberg, who's already imported a spot from Australia to run locally, is probably paying for these kids to learn English as I type this. Ad agency: Smetana. Previously in: anti-smoking ads.
Russian Ad Watch: Naomi Campbell sexily shills for her fiance's luxury property.
(via) Reportedly Naomi is going to marry the "Russian Donald Trump" Vladislav Doronin at an Egyptian temple. Here, the noted plebe assaulter promotes Moscow's Legend Of Tsvetnoy complex, which is owned by the Capital Group, which is 1/3 owned by Doronin. She ends the spot with a robotic, unconvincing sign-off: "I listen to your heart Moscow. Now you know where I stay." That's a good, obedient wife, Naomi. I'm sure Vladislav has a few more properties lined up he wants you to slink through for the cameras. Just keep thinking about those zeroes after his name, darling. Previously: Naomi tortures/comforts Russian mobster (nsfw) • mini Naomi terrorizes sleeping maid.
(click ad, via) Poster for Bayer's Bepanthen antiseptic cream placed outside of hospitals in Kiev, according to adme.ru. Ad agency: JWT Ukraine. I'm not sure if Ukrainian racktivists FEMEN (nsfw) would strongly approve or violently disapprove. Not the first time the cracked glass effect has been used in outdoor posters: Both Unno—to promote their package-enhancing men's underwear—and (not surprisingly) WonderBra have done it.
