CockRingVertising.

(click ad, via) I'll let the agency press note that accompanied this badly Photoshopped ad for the Durex Play Ultra vibrating penis ring tell the story: "Durex Play Ultra provides 40 minutes of direct vibrating stimulation for both him and her. To demonstrate that Durex Play Ultra has a new, stronger, exceptionally powerful attached vibrating penis ring, we created a scene that talks both to the target audience’s sense of humour, as well as their functional needs. We see a house at night. The lights are on so we know people are at home. In the foreground, we see that their lit swimming pool is full of vibrations and ripples. As no one is in the pool, we know that the earth must literally be vibrating, causing the water to ripple and shake. Clearly, Durex Play Ultra’s vibrations are so strong that it has caused the ground to shake." Got that? Match this high-tech cock ring with the Durex tiny hands condom, and the earth will fucking move, baby. Agency: Morris Jones, South Africa.

"Banned" Durex Super Bowl commercial (warning cat in oven).

Not a banned Super Bowl spot. Not an official Durex spot, obviously. But let's see if Durex gets it pulled. I like the general "don't procreate" message. (Yes, your legacy is much more important than the survival of the fucking planet. Go ahead, plop 'em out like there's no tomorrow.) Amateurish. Previously: super sexist banned Belgian dating site spot.
Update: Durex (I'm guessing) has aggressively killed the video wherever they found it on YouTube.

Did he or didn't he...give me AIDS? (condom ad).

(click ad, via Village Voice)
Print ad Durex is currently running in India. Copy reads: “experience the new durex superthin ultima. our thinnest condom. so thin, you can leave her pleasantly puzzled–did he really use one? or didn't he?"
Did he or didn't he—make me preggers? Did he or didn't he—give me an orgasm? No, definitely no O. Previously: Durex ad tastefully addresses the German cucumber e-coli outbreak.

These Durex condom ads confuse the f*ck out of me.

(click ads, via) Ads titled "Anal" and "Oral" for Durex featherlite ultima condoms. Tagline: "Zero degrees of separation." OK, so (left) I'm ramming feathers into my lover's ass. But, what's going on with that "Oral" ad? Is that her chin? Is she sucking me off with a mouthful of feathers? I've heard of using Altoids and ice cubes. What the fuck, Singapore? Ad agency: 3-sixty Brand Communications. Here's nine previous Durex ads. And here's more What The Fuck, Singapore? ads.

New Durex Condoms Ad Tastefully Addresses the German Cucumber E. Coli Outbreak.

(click ad via) Loose translation: "Girls, give EHEC no chance." At least 14 people have been killed by the recent bacterial outbreak, which has been traced to cucumbers from Spain. Nothing unseemly here, just filling a temporary market hole.
Previously: Durex mocks premature ejaculators. Related: Durex ad archive.

Premature Ejaculators embarrassed by soccer game advertising.

(click image, via) If you're a football (soccer for you non-appreciative Americans) fan, you're familiar with the added time sign raised near the end of halftime and before fulltime. Well, Durex in Thailand is using this medium to promote their Performa condoms—which feature the painkiller Benzocaine which theoretically desensitizing your raging chubb. You will be sold to, Minutemen.
This media buy garners Durex maybe a three second TV spot twice per match—though if you don't know the Performa product, you're probably not going to get the intended message. Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Bangkok.
Previous Durex Performa ads: WTF does this ad mean?
Related: the cutest climax delay condom ad ever.
Related: the 2nd cutest climax delay condom ad ever.

Dear Durex: we will NEVER start saying Wegasm™

(click ads, via) But they're trying very, very hard (heh). They've trademarked it. They have a facebook page, of course, where you have to—in what is becoming a really annoying trend—"Like" it to read about it (I didn't). They even have their own Playboy channel. All moot. Oh but wait one minute, urban dictionary does now have one "Wegasm" entry:
"an orgasm caused by a large tentacle penis during an orgy with numerous virgin sluts, typically found in hentai."
That's not quite the definition Durex is trying to jam down our throats. Ad agency: Ogilvy South, Atlanta. View 15 previous Durex ads from around the world here.

This had to cause at least a few genital injuries.

(click image) adme.ru recently posted a bunch of sexist ads from recent years. This subway turnstile installation from 2005 was one of the few I hadn't seen. It was done by BBDO Chile and apparently was not a fake Photoshop job. Sorry I can't find a clearer image. I found two very different copy line translations, either "You're safe with Durex" or "There are better things to hit." The second one is both better and worse. Maybe you can examine it and figure out which one it is.
Previous Durex ads. Previous ASSvertising.

She's faking it.

(click ad) In space, no one can hear you scream. Ad via South Africa for Durex Play O, the "female orgasm enhancer." Strategy: Since the product is obviously such complete bullshit, we'll entice trial by exaggerating the benefit well beyond normal, earthbound ad-lying. Mission accomplished (image via). previously in durex ads: cockamamie. cute. childish. Chinese. confusing.

The 8 Worst Print Ads of 2011.

(click ads)
In no particular order, top to bottom, left to right:
1. Goodby Silverstein & Partners' Got Milk PMS campaign got absolutely nuked by women online. They pulled it almost immediately. See three more executions here.
2. Ogilvy Atlanta tried to get a nation to adopt a made-up ad word for Durex condoms. A nation said: Go fist yourself, Durex. Second print ad here.
3. Simply the dumbest Photoshopped ad I've ever seen, for a Portuguese bookseller. READING IS IRRIGATION FOR THE BRAIN.
4. Dull, Homophobic diagram sells the national drink of Brazil.
5. Cannes Lion-winning Kia ad with some clever pedophilia messaging. Kia America was forced to respond (their comment here).
6. No comment. Second ad in the campaign here.
7. Maybe the most iconic race protest photo in history is used to sell...toilet cleaning gloves.
8. Canadian hair salon playfully employs wife-beating imagery. Edgy.
Honorable Mention: this racist Nivea ad • this French eyeglasses ad that lamely mocked the Hells Angels • This Burger King print ad via Germany • and this "Snatch" gym ad.

the choo-choo is stuck in the poo-poo.

(click image for closer look)
FUCK. I'd love to get a chance to work on a fucking lubricant account. Is there any easier assignment? Use some sort of hole visual, and riff off that. Google Image search "hole" and you've got 10 campaign ideas. That said, this ad for Durex Play lubricant is not bad. The playful model train set sets the right tone for the product. previously in Durex: the most confusing condom ad ever. previously in condom advertising: proud as a (pea)cock; it's raining (se)men; doing Sudoku doggiestyle; and tuttfrutti condom bubbles. (image via) update: apparently this is an in-store POP display poster, so it had to be a kid-friendly idea.

Chinese People Have Trouble Screwing, Too.

(click ad) As the People's Republic of China has become more of capitalist republic, more and more stupid Western metaphors have begun showing up in Chinese ads. Like this one for Durex Play lubricant. The clunky translated headline is "Fun Which You Need To Lubricate" (tk: their ad visual interpretation of "tight vagina"). While the ad is far from arousing, it gets its fucking point across—much like this unsubtle Chinese ICBM Viagra ad. (image via) previously in Durex ads. previously in Lubricant ads.

"Female Orgasm Enhancer" Again A Bit Oversold.

(click ad) Previously, via South Africa, Durex "O" gel produced a sonic shriek heard by the space station astronauts. Now, in a print ad by McCann-Erickson in Milan, Italy, we have a climactic female who apparently consumes a healthy diet full of biotin, zinc and iron (which produces strong nails). Advertising 101 comment: a more subtle visual of just the dresser damage without the woman's arm would have made for a slightly better ad (image via). Previous Durex lubricant ad: the choo-choo is stuck in the poo-poo.

Durex sperm-filled business card.

(click image) SSL-International is Durex's parent company. I don't think that's actual sperm. More here.
Previous inventive business cards:
• edible beef jerky cards.
• plastic surgeon's fake boobs card.
• massage therapist's knotted card.

Let's start the week with a goofy German condom ad.

(click ad, via) More scary HandVertising! PleasureMax indeed ladies, amirite? All those little fingers ticklin' your clitty, flicking your g-spot, tiny hands rubbing your vaginal (or anal) walls. I'm assuming that this is a prototype of the actual product. Ad by Grey in Düsseldorf.
Previous Durex ads:
• Boinking Balloon Bunnies.
• WTF does this condom ad mean?
• Ever had a canoe stuck in your ass?
• Female Orgasm Enhancer oversold.
• Monica Lewinsky flavored Durex ad.
• The choo-choo is stuck in the poo-poo.
• The Chinese have trouble screwing, too.
• Female Orgasm Enhancer oversold again.

(nsfw) You cannot unsee Eagle Erection & Bull Balls.

(click ads) adme.ru last week posted a collection of ads featuring digitally painted bodies (like these kinda nsfw ones for ultrathin panty liners). Included, were the above quaint executions for Durex Pleasure Max condoms—Let The Beast Go! They were produced for some cross promotion with Belgian humor magazine Humo. No, they're not new, but I hadn't seen them before. And now, I can't unsee them. Jesus, I hope that cock ring is fake. Previous Durex ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Durex.

The condom-maker made a giant condom and stuck 50 Tel Aviv University students in it. (link)

Presenting Condom Ads with Sperm Butterflies/Fireflies.

(click ads, via) For Carex "ultra safe" condoms, via Malaysia. If your man has glow-in-the-dark little guys, yes absolutely, wear an ultra safe condom. You don't want to give birth to the Toxic Avenger. Yet another condom ad update from the adman who covers more condom ads than any man. (Here's nine Durex ads from around the world, for instance.) Ad agency: Grey Group, Kuala Lumper.
Previously in: Spermy condom ads. Previously in: SpermVertising.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Boinking Balloon Bunnies.

All the big ad blogs covered this new cute Durex condom video this week. None of them pointed out where the idea came from. (link)

Ever seen a Condom Burst Test Machine?

(click, via)
Science! Go ahead stud, drop trou and impress her.
Related: Follow the links in this Monica Lewinsky Durex ad to see about 50 good, bad, ugly condom ads from the last six years.