I
know, I
know, I
KNOW—I'm a bit obsessed with
turd cutters. However, ad placement-wise, the Ass is
such an under-utilized medium.
Sure, there've been a handful of small-scale executions over the last few years. Back in August 2006, Georgi Vodka
blew a wonderful ASSvertising chance. But there hasn't been anything that was like,
WOW. With all the industry hubbub about the need to find "new" "spectacular" media placements that'll grab the TiVo-ing consumers' eyeballs, you'd think some big-ass advertiser would've effectively exploited buttocks by now. Shit, they've got no problem attaching their good names to the
ass's by-product.
So, here's a few products that, in varying degrees of seriousness, would benefit greatly from ASSvetising:
• (
duh)
Jackass 3 (A nationwide army of fat, ugly, maybe bruised and bleeding men in tighty whities would be best here. Just need the movie's logo and premiere date.
Think of the media coverage and the costs savings.)
• Imodium. (Brown logo and the new tagline "Stop It"—panties/briefs should be bright white, exceptionally clean)
• Oral-B
® Dental Floss. (Here, the placement would be in semi-nude strip clubs—where the women disrobe down to thongs—across the nation. The dancers would sport temporary glow-in-the-dark tattoos—logo/product name on left cheek, "Cleans The Deepest Cracks" on the right. For both effect and needed surface space, best to use ladies with major
badonkadonks.
• U.S. Dept. of Education—
No Child Left Behind.
• Any brand of
cheek stain (best for cosmetics trade shows)
• If you've got one, please leave it in the comments.
(
Pictured: Back in 2004, women in white panties (and a couple of dudes in briefs) were used to promote a New York Health & Racquet Club class called "
Booty Call" outside of Grand Central Station. Small potatoes.)
previously in Other Media:
1.
Time Graffiti Billboard.
2.
The Way $tarbuck$ $ee$ It.
3.
The Trans Fat War Turns Childish.
4.
Starbucks Salon: a Venti Hooey Latte.
5.
Sperm Donor—America's finest part-time job.
(click image) And this time, the assvertising is not Photoshopped. Dutch ad agency New Message created a branded spanking paddle for Massad, The Netherlands' leading S&M magazine. According to Agency Spy, that's Dutch porn actress Sofia Valentine wielding the sadistic pain delivery tool, which has "Massad the S&M Magazine" (in Dutch) cut out of the paddle. Thus, when Mistress Sofia spanks a submissive, his/her hiney then belongs to the publication and he/she becomes a Massad brand ambASSador (sorry). Perfectly targeted assvertising.
