Ad Phallicism Update: Diesel Only The Brave.

(click ads) Diesel is currently promoting their Only The Brave men's fragrance in Mexico with a "mad mamacitas" campaign. There's some kind of contest at the site, Locas Por Tu Aroma (crazy for your aroma), for "brave" men to party with the mad mommies. This, I don't care about.
What I care about is how much these enlarged limited edition "Iron Man 2" prop decanters look like a man gripping his pene, a vision that didn't come to me until I saw these scantily-clad ladies straddling the dick cap. Thus concludes this copyranter ad phallicism update (via). Previously in: Ad Phallicism.

Retro Ad Phallicism of the Week.

(click ad, from 1978, via) She's holding a dick, two balls, and a carton of white fluid. Any questions? Previous Retro Ad Phallicism of the Week. Previous retro sexist After Six ad:
they put the "yes" in polyester.

Sometimes, a wine sack is a ball sack.

(click ad, via) Let me squeeze it for you babe, so you get every drop. Texas International airlines, no longer around. Still around: ad phallicism. Previously in retro ad phallicism: Chiquita. Green Spot.

Wanted: Aussie art director seeks copywriter with a big penis.

(click ad, via) At least, that's what I think she's after. Said Young: "I've searched in my circle of colleagues for a writer, and have come up short." Unattached out-of-work CWs Down Under? Does Sonia's ad inspire you? Drop her an email with a new headline for this layout. Sonia, you might want to get a hold of the Russian copywriter who worked on this phallic ad. Previously in: ad phallicism.

New Zoo York Jenna Jameson deck likely to send many rail-grinding, boner-sporting Sk8er boyz to the emergency room.

(click ad for closer look)
I got a Porn Star between my legs (heh heh)...Is that design available in a looongboard (wink wink)?...Oh yeah baby, I grind all day (sorry). What do I think of the ad, via david & goliath? Meh. The Kama Sutra's been riffed on many times before...this execution is above average. Buuut, wouldn't Jenna be a bit of a distraction while trying to perform your triple Ollies or whatever the fuck it is you street rebels call your slick tricks these days? previously in ad phallicism: TOO MUCH TEETH!!!; these men's dress shoes are Large Penises; two gay men separated by big, sweaty Bud Light bottle. (image via)

OK, if you let me sniff your Püssen Snatchen.

(click ad, from a 1960s Esquire, via) Previously in: sexxxy retro sexxxism. Previously in: retro ad phallicism. Related: the 1960s Broomsticks polyester slacks Gang Rape Ad Series. Related: 1965 CockVertising.

SKYY Bottle=Penis. Again.

(click ad, via) Skyy is hard. Skyy is hung. And, assuming Skyy's balls are also blue, Skyy is horny as fucking hell. The US media's got their crotchless panties in a bunch over this new ad featuring a woman being rammed hard by the San Francisco vodka.
Says Maura McGinn, Skyy's marketing director, "It's about the content of our product. We're an adult product consumed mostly in the evening and in flirtatious situations."
The content of your product? Is it infused with semen? Anyway, this is not the first time Skyy has banged out the forceful phallicism. A flavored Skyy ad from 2008 not only featured the bottle as penis, but cherries as balls.
Previously in alcohol bottle phallicism: Bud. Campari. Fragoli.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Skyy raises the ad phallicism bar.

The alcohol bottle as penis? Nothing new. But a penis would be nothing without testicles. Skyy overtly acknowledges this in a new print ad for their flavored vodkas. (link)

TV spot: Israeli model wins sucking contest; gets to swallow white goo.

The product is Milky, "the perfect combination of smooth chocolate pudding and whipped cream." The model's name is Sandy Bar (not her porn name, apparently). Talk about your ad phallicism (more examples here). What else needs to be said? Related: the Viagra blowjob party favor. Thanks to Yisrael Medad for the tip.

Ad witticism via NYC Museum of Sex.

Mommy, what's jism? Excellent self-promotional poster at the museum on 5th Avenue. This is one of the few advertisers for whom I would recommend adverts sans images—let the visitors' heads run wild. We went to the Museum of Sex back in January 2006 to see the Sex Machines exhibit. It was...interesting. (snapped by Brian Thompson). related: Transexualism. Autoeroticism. Homoeroticism. Lesbianism. Sexism. More sexism. Phallicism. More phallicism. And even more phallicism.

Terry Richardson for Sisley: there will be cucumbers.

(click images, via) The fantastic photographer, who shoots with his dick hanging out of his jeans, stuns the fashion world with this trailblazing vegetable aisle symbolism, part of the Benetton Group label's Fall/Winter 2010/11 campaign titled "Let It Flow."
Says Sisley about the T-Rich photos: "The normality of the atmosphere of suburban New York is seen through Richardson’s unorthodox eye. If, on the one hand, in his paradoxical way he exposes the irony that is behind even the most innocent attitudes, on the other, he perceives and perfectly illustrates the collection’s nature, which seeks above all to play at taking us by surprise.”
Shut-up Sisley.
Previously in: Ad Phallicism.

In New Russia, Everything PENIS!

(click image) Actually, this outdoor banner for Largo tomato juice hangs in Estonia, according to adme.ru. Anybody speak Estonian? I think the headline translates to something like "Good Potency." I did not know tomatoes promoted pecker performance. Add it to the lengthening crop of recent sexxxy ads (some nsfw) from Russia and former Soviet states advertising everything from sausage to car insurance.
Previously in: Ad Phallicism.

Is eight enough?

(click ad, via)
Possibly a well-done parody ad, I honestly don't know. Previous phallicism in real ads:
• The Green Spot Dicknic.
• This Cheeto is a big penis.
• This Skyy vodka bottle is a penis.
• This electric screwdriver is a penis.
• This Bud bottle is a glistening penis.
• These John White dress shoes are penises.

DIESEL does unsubtle Dickvertising.

(click ad) But it's so self-aware and self-mocking, so that makes it so clever. Model: Marlon Teixeira. Photographer: the human penis joke Terry Richardson. Last year, Diesel also employed unartful phallicism to sell its Only The Brave fragrance in Mexico. Manscaper Tom Ford is also a practitioner of the Fragrance Bottle as Penis motif (nsfw).

Flavored Condom Ads: If only my balls tasted like vanilla ice cream.

(click ads, via adland) Once again, an ad agency (India's 1pointsize) fails to sell me on the appeal of flavored condoms. These are for the Kama Sutra brand Excite! flavoured "dotted" condoms. Like I've said before, if you are a super busy male/female sex worker sucking 10+ sheathed cones a day, I could see buying some to lessen the drudgery. I do appreciate the phallicism, though.
Previous flavored condom ads: Monica Lewinsky • Men getting their penises painfully chomped on • And German supermodels blowing tutti-frutti condom bubbles.

Naples Lumber. Everything you need to get the (blow) job done.

(click image)
Naples Lumber & Supply Company ad scanned from the latest Naples Illustrated (great magazine). Now, there are plenty of examples of phallicism in ads out there. But I am very impressed by the complete lack of creativity executed here. Why not just go ahead and have the woman fellating the electric "screw" driver?
previously in sex in ads:
1. You've Cum A Long Way, Baby.
2. The Bowlmor Girls. Now With Zero Bowling.
3. It's not strange. You just need to come out fella.
4. Bud tells Gays OK to be Gay.