Miss Turkey sells turkey burgers in turkey of a spot.

(via) Sexism and fast food go together like the shits and fast food. Yes, that's Gizem Memiç, Miss Turkey 2010. Carl's Jr. continues with their Big Idea of burger porn started with Hilton and continued with Lakshmi. "And that's just the way it is." Cracking copy line, that. Here's behind the scenes video where Creative Directors say stuff. Of course, the spot just had to be shot in South Africa.
Ad agency: David & Goliath. Previously in sexist fast food ads:
• Burger King's notorious blow job ad.
• Arby's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue tit joke ad.
• and the King visits Russian steam bath with topless babes.

Subway using dwarfs to make their sandwiches look bigger?

(click image, via)
Fast food chains have long been accused of using actors with small hands to make their burgers look bigger. That 12" sub looks to be about two-feet long. Previously:
• First look: Jared Fogle's six-pack.
• Burger King presents the wrong-est fast food ad ever. More fast food ads here.

Burger King presents the wrong-est fast food ad in fast food ad history.

(click ad) Headline translation: LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELING. My immediate gut reaction was, no way this is a real ad. But full credits, including account team and post production, are listed at the source. So, quite possibly real. Usually scam ads only have the two or three creatives who made it listed. (If you live in Germany, and have seen this, please comment.) That's a freaky belly button—are those sesame seeds? Ad agency: Interone, Munich. Note: Stupidity-wise, compare this to the infamous Burger King blow job ad.
update: confirmed via email (and in the comments) that this is a real ad.

I passed on the Spider-Man 3™ cheeseburger.

We will use a spider visual, no matter what. Um, yuck? Promotional poster all over the place throughout the Paris Metro last week. So, I know old cheese can be quite delicious, but...cobwebs and digestion don't really marry well, oui non?
("Quick" is a fast food chain in France.)
previously in fast food:
1. I'm Loving It. "It" being The Shits.
2. America will most definitely not "feel like chicken tonight."

Manhattan's Most Disgusting Gyro Posters.

(click pics to lose appetite)
Dog Shit topped with Pigeon Shit. I snapped these photos of the Greek fast food staple at small eating establishments throughout Manhattan. In a reversal of the usual menu photo vs. the real thing food dynamic, these poster gyros look exponentially worse than the real items, I'm sure. Not that I'm 100% sure—because I sure as shit ain't ever to sample one of these mystery meat things topped with Tzatziki sauce in my lifetime after seeing the "GYROS TODAY" poster, lower left.
previously in disgusting food photos: • farm animal necrophilia sells meat seasoning • The Spiderman 3 French cheeseburger • Caroli brand processed meat looks like cadaver tissue • and Hillshire Farm sausages look like worms.

Taco Bell: You really shouldn't have put the word "kill" in your "beef" ad.

(click ad, via eater) You may heard that the Alabama law firm suing the Bell over the beef content in its tacos dropped its suit. The shit-food slinger promptly placed this full-page na-na-na-na na na ad in yesterday's Wall Street Journal, NY Times, and LA Times. Hopefully, you haven't lost too many of your 35 million heart-healthy customers, TB.
Ad agency: DraftFCB.
Previously in: bullshit fast food ads.

McDonald's fries now made with human hand fat.

(click ad for closer look)
So the glutenous fast food behemoth finally cooked up a trans fat-less fry formula. In Brazil, at least judging by this ad, the new formula includes the cut-off, cooked fingers of Mickey D's fry guys/gals. Is this more or less disgusting than Subway's human entrails sub? The French Spiderman 3 cheeseburger? Settle down. I am of course being too literal with this visual targeting young "rocker" types. But food ads should be—above all other considerations, including cool art direction—appetizing. And, while I'm not young, I have played drums in a couple mediocre punk rock bands. And the last thing I now want to eat for lunch today is McDonald's. previous McDonald's posts: Eat a box o' lard, then play some football; a big fat lie of a nutrition ad; and Ronald is Dead. update: as a commenter on Gawker says: you'd think that the Wendy's chili finger incident would have come into play here.

After eating the new Darth Vader burger, your subsequent bowel movement will be on the dark side.

This thing was posted elsewhere at the end of last week, but I am full of WIN because of my fucking brilliant post headline. This promo menu item—heralding the release of the 3-D version of The Phantom Menace—is via Belgian fast food chain Quick (they have locations in France, the origin of this evil victual.)
Five years ago, Quick tried to get the finicky Frogs to consume disgusting Spider-man 3 burgers.

McDonald's in Israel sez they do NOT have a fat ass.

(click ad, via) Mickey D's apparently recently changed its menu in Israel, reducing the fat in its meat. And of course no pork on the docket certainly helps keep Israeli fast food feeders from fattening. Most of the 153 eateries are non-kosher though according to Wikipedia, and thus still serve cheeseburgers and even McFlurries and such. So, those mediums are probably pretty tight on their Yiddish yellow arches. Ad by TBWA in Tel Aviv.
Previous unusual McDonald's ads:
• you just burned 1/100 of a fry.
• Usain Bolt: unpaid spokes-speedster.
• Darth Vader dining at a Euro Mickey D's.
• McDonald's Brazil serves human hand fries.
• Ad invites gays to eat shit before hooking up.
• Giant Shamrock Shake spilling into the Chicago River on St Patrick's Day.
related: Andy Dick as Ronald McDonald.

Clive Owen sells out for some greasy fast food cash.

Now, I love Clive (you'll never walk alone, mate). But it's my duty to point out when big name stars dip their manicured toes into the ad cesspool. Spot is via Madrid ad agency La Despensa for BK Spain. Nice command of Spanish, Clive. Uh, or at least nice lip-synching. The spot is a mess, but I think he has emerged with his soul intact. Here's the making of video, if you care.
Previous noteworthy star ads: • Clooney (insane Norwegian bank spot) • Jude Law (drives Russian women up a tree) • Jackie Chan (embarrassing) • Quentin Tarantino (pissed off in Russia) • Bruce Willis ($1 million to shill for a Commie bank) • Al Pacino (first ever product endorsement).

Lebanese fast food joint rips off Shepard Fairey's Obama posters.

(click ads, via)
United We Sandwich? BIG swing and a miss.
Time to get some boots on the ground there, Barack.
Ad agency: NINETEEN84, Lebanon.
Previously: Shepard Fairey made a really pretty butterfly to fight sexual violence.

Zebra wrap or bark-crust beetle pizza?

(click ads, via) My god, that Photoshopped raw Zebra meat wrap (with maggot jimmies!) is disgusting, almost as disgusting as a Manhattan gyro. The ads, by the Auckland, NZ office of ad agency DraftFCB, are for the survival TV show "Man vs. Wild," hosted by ex-UK army special forces soldier Bear Grylls. Being the son of Appalachian Trail hillbillies, I have eaten bear meat a couple of times (not raw or recently). Squirrel, too. Previously in Disgusting:
• the most disgusting beer ad ever.
• the most disgusting soda ad ever.
• the most disgusting lube ad ever.
• the most disgusting glue ads ever.
• the most disgusting coffee ads ever.
• the most disgusting biscuit ads ever.
• the most disgusting fast food ad ever.
• the most disgusting chocolate ad ever.
• the most disgusting toilet paper ad ever.

This Wendy's cashier should be promoted immediately.

Via reddit, where of course the comments are filled with racist morons.
This woman wins fast food service and Halloween forever.

Eat A Box O' Lard. Play Some Football.

Last night, I dined on "fast" food for the first time in—jeez—a couple of years. I had me one of them there De-luxe Angus third-pounders, and I must say it was pretty tasty (much better than the scuzzy French Spiderman 3™ cheeseburger). And I didn't shit my sweatpants later in my sleep either, no I did not. Didn't even have to take any beano.
Something else I did not do after shoveling this 800-calorie, 50 fat-gram thing down my maw was play football—of the touch, flag, or tackle variety. In fact, I'd say that playing a game of Madden NFL 08 video football would even have been too strenuous of an activity for me to attempt. More accurate box artwork would be: a half-comatose man half-watching a hockey game with a hand half down his pants—I'll gladly recreate my position from last night for your illustrator, McDonald's. previously in McDonald's: a Big Fat Lie of a nutrition ad; Ronald is Dead.

ZOMBIE COLONEL SANDERS DENIED AIRTIME.

As you may have read, PETA says they tried to get FOX to broadcast two newish spots in their KentuckyFriedCruelty campaign during this year's Super Bowl, but were denied. After watching the videos (click here ONE, TWO)—which are mildly blackly humorous, and feature human chickens and a reincarnated evil Colonel Sanders—you'll realize that PETA is full of shit. Because, A) they know by now that no major network will air commercials that bash their cash-cow, fast-food chain advertisers, and B) the animal rights org had no intention of spending the 3 mil per :30 media money in the first place. Now—if they could've worked in a lettuce-bikini-ed Pam Anderson, well maybe sleazy FOX would've reconsidered.

Kebabs with Sperm Sauce.

(click images, via) RakO was the first branded condom in Hungary. This nauseating bit of ambient advertising was created by their Budapest ad agency Insomnia. Yes, the copy line translates as "Non-drip pleasure." From the agency press notes:

"Many (young people) visit fast-food restaurants where they often eat kebab packed in the well-known foil which protects clothes from having unwanted sauce-drops on them. So this foil secures protection for everyone to enjoy the pleasure of eating a kebab. And it is a coincidence that RakO condoms have the same function: securing safe sex for people - with no dripping."

It sells condoms. It doesn't sell kebabs (at least with yoghurt sauce), though.
Previous ambient condom advertising:
• Flash Mob of Human Spermatozoa.
• Jontex condom umbrellas—it's raining (Se)men.

Link Haze, 1/11/08.

• Here ya go, you whiny bitches—the longest Link Dump in the history of pathetic ad blogs. Should keep you no-life's busy all fucking weekend.
• A restaurant in Germany creatively works around the smoking ban. Right now, every eatery in France is busy bashing holes in the walls. (link)
• Even more fun with contextual ad fuck-ups: iomega ad with "Burn Baby Burn" headline runs next to story about burnt, dead baby. (link)
• Yasgur's farm is for sale. Cracked has a wonderful idea for a reality TV show: turn the Woodstock venue into a farm Gulag for ex-hippies. (link, 2nd item)
• Now this is getting your money's worth out of a billboard. (link)
• Fun retro ads for Guinness. (link)
• How dare you think that Gary Busey's career is dead? He's making a split-second appearance on the Procede hair restoration Website video. (link)
• Visit a bygone era when fast food really was cheaper than cooking. (link)
• A couple of youz have asked for my take on the new Equinox gyms ad campaign. Well here it is: PRETENTIOUS PAP, though an improvement on their previous horseshit. I do like the one birthday cake execution; at least it makes a little sense. (link)
• This is old news, but I feel it is my duty to report on it: I'm glad Chemistry.com's new ad campaign is nailing creepy Dr. Neil Clark Warren where it hurts. (link)
• If you haven't seen this video of Grey NYC's creative director Tor Myhren impersonating Sinéad O'Connor, it is hi-larious. (link)
• Here's the full details of AdWeek's re-launch. Let's see if they even come within shouting distance of the vastly superior AdAge. (link)
• Barack Obama's logo is purty! (link)
• Those krazy kreatives at TBWA\Chiat\Day have a big banner of Grady Wilson from Sanford & Son fame hanging in their office. Why? Because they're...KRAZY KREATIVE! (link)
• Glamorous cat wigs. Zippy The Pinhead could pull off wearing one. (link)
• PageSix.com sponsors their sponsors. Slick. (link)
• DSquared's new footwear ads feature models as crash test dummies. (link)
• The company's name is Butt Foods. (link)
• Target's Red Bull pricing is a total fucking ripoff. (link)
• Noted streethorser Steve Aoki rocks a sequined American flag vest. (link)
• This interactive Web banner for the Mini Clubman is cool (via AgencyTart).
• Harry Winston presents the "Avenue C Midsize" watch for...$37,300. Also available: the South Bronx Premier for $148,300. (link)
• Scroll down to watch a video of a TV ad for a "urinated upon" lawyer. thanks to Matt McDermott for the tip. (link)
• Somebody started a site called "babyranter," and I told him I would link to it. Here it is. Hasn't been updated recently. (link)
• Maybe the most pathetic thing about pathetic Brooklyn hipsters: Feuding hipster loft parties. (link)
• And FINALLY—New York City man of the Streets, Robert Fucking De Fucking Niro, is opening a TriBeCa flophouse in April with rooms starting at...$725/night. (link)
• NEVER again, will I do a Link Dump like this. Right now, I so hate all of you.

McDonald's casts healthiest-looking kid on the planet for complete bullshit "nutrition" ad.

(click ad to read fat lie on t-shirt)
Actually, technically, legally, I guess it's not a lie. The copy reads "you might be surprised to learn who..." It doesn't say that the "who" is in fact McDonald's. Though...Mickey D's does think about children's nutrition even more than the parents—about how little healthy nutrition is in their Happy (Fatty) Meals and Mighty (Fat) Kid's Meals. Just about the most bald-faced, undisguised lie I've come across.
(scanned from People)
previously in fast food:
1. Spider-Man 3™ cheeseburger.
2. America will most definitely not feel like chicken tonight.
3. Ronald is DEAD.
4. LIVE GREASY.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Arby's.

The fast food chain paid an artist to paint a Mona Lisa out of grease. (link)

Two new fast food burgers are not to be eaten by women, according to their ads.

One commercial, via Carl's Jr., features a fake Mystique morphing into a beefy man before she bites a big-ass bacon burger. The other, by KFC Australia, fake-apologizes to "girls" for freaking them out. copyranter on Jezebel, LINK.