Law firm says either you're an ostrich, they're an ostrich, or the law is an ostrich.

(click ad to better read the copy)
Another law firm, another case of goofy misused animal symbolism. First, let's review past wild kingdom ads by law firms:
Bingham McCutchen is either a bear or a zebra.
Dykema is a giraffe.
Zuckerman Spaeder is a lion and I'm a canary; or, they're maybe an iguana and I'm a fly.
Now, I will attempt to professionally analyze this ad from Day Pitney. Ostriches are known for sticking their heads in the sand to "hide" from danger, right? So, maybe DP is saying that they'll protect you/me, the ostrich, "when things get ugly?" But, one could also read this layout as saying, 'when things get ugly, we the ostrich law firm, will be there to save you/me. OR, the ostrich could be representing "things" getting ugly, which means law issues, I guess.
Help?
Update: commenter antfarm says it's an emu, which just increases the confusion...
(scanned from yesterday's Wall Street Journal)

Travelers protects lawyers from Kathy Hiltons?

(click ad to read copy)
I am not a lawyer, and know little about lawyering (except that one of their derogatory nicknames is "crows," which is quite harsh. the fake lawyer here looks a bit crowish, though.).
Anyway, I was hoping to get a counselor or two to tell me in the comments if this ad is effective to them.
The photo of Paris's mom holding Tinkerbell IV stopped me while paging through the magazine. But then, the copy left me wanting—it seems like Travelers isn't very comfortable in the "law space." The ad states that they have "lawyers who specialize in defending other lawyers." Wouldn't most medium+ firms already have such people on staff? I'm just curious—not looking to sue anybody specifically. update: Well except maybe Bill Bernbach (his estate) et al, for making it seem like advertising would be a "fun" field to work in.
(scanned from the August ABA Journal)
previously in law ads:
1. What, no sharks or leeches?
2. Law Firm issued Nitwit Writ.
3. Law firm puts potential client behind bars in ad.
4. One law firm says 'Zebras Bad.' Another, 'Zebras Good.'
related: Travelers' dated perception of computer geek.

Law Firm Puts Potential Client Behind Bars In Ad.

(click image)
Let's see here: I’m the bird? And law firm Zuckerman Spaeder LLP is…the birdcage? And the lion is what? The Law? Well, uh, shouldn’t I then be in a stronger cage? Or actually, shouldn’t I be flying free and not, you know, in fucking jail? And shouldn't lawyers be required to bone up on their Mammalia studies before doing any more wild life metaphor ads?

previously:
What is it with law firms and animals?
Law Firm Issued Nitwit Writ.

Law firm knows big words, doesn't know how to advertise.

(click ads to read) Webber Wentzel, a "leading South African law firm," apparently actually thinks that knowing made-up mega-words like hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian is a reason to retain their legal services; that it makes them more appealing to potential customers (lawyers do like to be viewed as wordsmithies). Are you guys a bunch of moronoimbecilidolts? Just taking the time to listen to one of your counselors say one of these words would cost me about 100 bucks in billings. The only good thing I can say about these ads is that they don't use stupid animal metaphors like seemingly every US law firm does. Related: wonder what their big word is for sexual harassment? (images via)

Law firm's diversity ad recipe calls for lots of Whitey Spice.

(click ad for closer look at the diversity)
Or cocaine. DLA Piper, global law firm employment home of former Senator George Mitchell, sports the ultra-generic tagline "Everything Matters." OK, DLA—then that must include your awful forced metaphor diversity ad. Copy begins: "With 3,700 lawyers in 25 countries, we've got a lot of talent. But that doesn't mean we're all using the same spice." I seriously hope that the person who wrote this ad isn't involved in any way in the crafting of your legal briefs. At least DLA abstained from using the bad animal metaphors that roam wild in law advertising. (image via MultiCultClassics)

Law vs. Nature, ad infinitum.

By my count, there are at least three competing corporate law firms out there running near exact animal metaphor print advertising campaigns. Sigh. It’s time for the latest wild kingdom puzzle ad. Ready boys & girls? Here we go. Firstly—I seem to be a common, disease-carrying housefly, right? How flattering! Secondly—the iguana is…an ugly, hungry enemy lawyer? Finally: I guess that leaves your firm as the mason jar (thanks for the air holes, btw. but where’s the grass? food?). I have a couple of questions: 1. How thick is the glass on that jar? 2. What if the judge disallows the mason jar? 3. How much will the mason jar cost me?
previously:
Law Firm Puts Potential Client Behind Bars In Ad.
What is it with law firms and animals?

Vintage Ad Watch: The most heinous lawyer ad ever.

(click ad) Law firms universally suck the balls when it comes to advertising themselves; scroll through the compelling evidence here. This is not a law firm ad, but one, from what looks like the 1970s, for the Law Society of the UK. Nothing funnier than a rape joke, amirite ladies? Actually, I'm sure most counselors—who're of course notorious for spreading the vilest email jokes—have shared much worse than this. Read the copy, it explains the hilarious headline. It doesn't explain the ad, though. Via Ross's Law Marketing Blog, via adrants.

Lawyers Continue To Abuse Laws Of Nature.

(click ads to read)
In its continuing bid to out-animal metaphor those Bingham McCutchen zebras and gorillas and Zuckerman Spaeder's lions and bearded dragons, the law firm of Day Pitney has followed up their ostrich (or is it an emu?) ad with a cheesy cheetah communiqué.
Somebody please explain to me—in addition to passing the bar exam, is a zoology degree a prerequisite before one can practice law? How else to explain the preponderance of goofy wild kingdom law ads, day-in and day-out, in the Wall Street Journal? LAWYERS—there are scores of other metaphoric sources to tap—write me! I'll give you a shiny, non-mammal campaign for a reasonable price! Separate yourself from the competition! (update: "pack" would've been a better last word in that sentence)

What is it with law firms and animals?

(click images)
First, Dykema says Zebras are Losers. Second, Bingham McCutchen says Zebras are Winners. Third, why are law firms advertising in the first place? Fourth, if you're gonna advertise, you soulless, billable-hours animals, how bout you get the fuck off the Serengeti and try another stupid borrowed-interest shtick. Babies, maybe?

previously:
Law Firm Issued Nitwit Writ.

When lawyers advertise: NYC edition.

These two spots for local personal injury firm Trolman Glaser and Lichtman—whose logo looks like the Statue of Liberty with a bandage around her head—are from earlier this year, but are new to me. Finally! A law firm forgoes bad animal metaphors in its advertising. However, the humor here just makes me wonder how many injury fakes these crows have represented. But nice try, counselors.

Law Firm Produces Sexual Harassment Flash Card Ad For Lecherous Bosses To Tape To The Mirror In Their Private Bathrooms.

(click ad to read copy)
A recent report (you find it, I'm lazy) revealed that sexual harassment is again on the rise in the workplace. Bad news for underlings. Good news for corporate law firms and insurance companies. Yay risk, yay groping!
In addition to maxing their "raging chubb" insurance, companies need to make absolutely sure that their lawyers are sexually experienced, litigiously speaking. Sure, like all 16-year-old boys, they say they've "done it" before, but where's the proof? Ford & Harrison's got your proof right fucking here—in a helpful "emergency reaction card" case study ad that ran in the Chicago area. Their managing partner's first name is Lash! I bet he had himself some major paralegal tail as a younger man. (image via MultiCultClassics)

Taco Bell: You really shouldn't have put the word "kill" in your "beef" ad.

(click ad, via eater) You may heard that the Alabama law firm suing the Bell over the beef content in its tacos dropped its suit. The shit-food slinger promptly placed this full-page na-na-na-na na na ad in yesterday's Wall Street Journal, NY Times, and LA Times. Hopefully, you haven't lost too many of your 35 million heart-healthy customers, TB.
Ad agency: DraftFCB.
Previously in: bullshit fast food ads.

This is pretty much the most racist commercial I've ever seen.

It's for an Alabama law firm.
That, and more on my weekly ad post on VICE.

...bourbon?

(click ad for closer look) A copywriter—who deserves to be bull-whipped—draws attention to him/herself by lamely breaking the third (fourth?) wall in this ad for law firm Robins, Kaplan, Miller & Ciresi, scanned from the Economist. If you're gonna let everybody in on the big non-secret that ads are done by ad agencies, not the company advertised, you better have a damn good reason why and you better do it so's that it makes the advertiser look good—not like complete idiots. previously in Bad Copywriting Hall of Fame: Verizon; Vertu cellphone; Equinox fitness; Heineken Light; Starbucks (twice); the Svedka fembot; and Kenneth Cole (thrice nominated). thanks to Karl Kerksiek for the image

Is this office woman's erotic fellating of a Popsicle sexual harassment?

(via Creativity)
The Association of Finnish Lawyers knows. Or, at least they will, after studying the surveillance tape for hours, days if necessary. They will also watch hour after hour of office blowjob porn scenes. They will force the accused woman to recreate the act on a dildo, for comparison's sake. Then, they will tell you if the Popsicle Incident was in fact sexual harassment. Then, you will get reamed by their bill. To troll many more law firm ads—most of them laughably bad—click here.

Law Firm Issued Nitwit Writ.

From Wikipedia: A giraffe's heart has to generate around double the normal blood pressure for a large mammal in order to maintain blood flow to the brain. Male giraffes determine female fertility by tasting the female's urine. Giraffes are thought to be mute.
Stupid piss-drinking speechless animal. Good correlation choice, Dykema.

(scanned from Wall Street Journal)

The Business World's assholes: consultants (print ads).

(click ads)
If you spend any time in airports, you've seen Accenture's animal kingdom metaphor campaign (the follow-up work to the killed—because of out of wedlock fuckplosion—Tiger Woods endorsement ads). Accenture with 236,000 employees in 120 countries, is the largest business consultant firm in the world. Their fees are fucking gargantuan. So you'd think they'd know a thing or two, and show that they know a thing or two in their ads. No.
You get shown something that they don't do (L), or you get shown something that means nothing. "Today's challenges are different"—no fucking shit, shitheads.
Ad agency: TBWA Worldwide.
Related: law firms also employ the meaningless animal metaphor ad approach.

When Lawyers Advertise: NYC edition.

Local personal injury firm Trolman Glaser and Lichtman is back with two more spots in their mildly humorous TV campaign. Here, it's the familiar, pathetic gutted sports fan. He's holding a little soccer stress ball but since this is New York, "Mets fan" pops into one's head.
Again, I applaud Trolman for foregoing the absolutely awful animal metaphors that a ridiculous number of major law firms use in their ads. But while the concept here is OK, the executions are lacking. The spots ache for better acting and much better writing. Here's the 2nd one with a woman complaining about a song stuck in her head. And here's Trolman's previous two spots from last spring.
Ad agency: The Levinson Tractenberg Group.