I was an NYC
advertising copywriter for 20 years. Now, I'm The Best Fucking Ad Critic In The World™. I hate
capri pants. Also: advertising, marketing, social media, PR, midtown, the Upper East Side, the
Upper West Side, going to Brooklyn, NYC realtors, New York City, fake
blondes, real blondes, saline implants, silicone implants, Civil War
enthusiasts, Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives, fireworks,
parades, Summer, Winter, greeting cards, stuffed animals, children's
drawings, religions, personal trainers, golf, golf courses, golfers,
polo shirts, turtlenecks, scarves, The Yankees, Yankee fans, mooks,
Streeters, iBankers, the Hamptons, Hoboken, Chicago, Texas, Florida,
people who don't know how to walk in NYC, whistling, TV, Radio,
Magazines, Newspapers, stand-up comedy, Improv comedy, sketch comedy,
"alt" comedy, Readings, poetry slams, SUVs, drinking straws, weddings,
Brunch, fondue fountains, journalists, screenwriters (dicks), short men
(Napoleon Complexed turds), Scrabble®, people who don't hate anything. I
probably at least don't care for you.
(click ad, via) To everyone: but specifically to the Grammar Cunt, who, with alacrity, pisses on my many typos/errors. Happy New Year GC—you who are somehow both 18 years-old, AND a college professor. Ad is for some German proofreading service, by Hamburg ad agency Grabarz & Partner. Previously in: PissVertising.
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Three questions. One: is that the chair George Clooney made in "Burn After Reading"? Two: do I have to wear the floating crown? Three: are those the creepiest two men ever born? The Pleasure Throne url is dead, btw. Related: the World's Largest Dildo Ad (via Germany, of course).
(click ad, via) Aw, cute. Your cute computer cursor hand is stopping the bad army man from shooting innocent people. But who is he? And who is he shooting? He doesn't look particularly evil; maybe he's shooting at some evil terrorists? In which case I don't want to "stop the violence at Amnesty.si." And haven't I seen this same first-idea visual before? Yes. And it is amazing how many agencies worldwide have done Amnesty ads in recent years. Either AI has a big ad budget, or ad agencies have big hearts. The third possibility is—I don't even want to think of it, it's so EVIL—that they are all scam ads done just to try to win awards. Nah. Ad agency: Pristop, Ljubljana.
Or, maybe the Frederick's of Hollywood "Scamp"? The Cockade says you're ready for monkey sex with a complete stranger. Image via Bad Postcards, where you can view the ten baddest retro postcards of the year.
(click image, reddit) Or, is State Police Superintendent Carraway a dwarf? By the way, Melvin was Superintendent from 1997-2005, according to Wikipedia. Related: the most honest political ad in US history, from 1916, via Genesee County Police Commissioner Frank R. Streat.
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Yes. Yes, it is. You've seen the strangest coffee ads ever, via Finland. Now this, via Lithuania. The photos on the wall only add to the strangeness. But is it also the best coffee shop ad I've ever seen? Yes. Yes it is. Because I stared at it for a full minute, and I would do the same if I saw it in a publication. So bravo, Not Perfect/Y&R in Vilnius. Here's the Coffee Inn facebook page. Previously: Is this the strangest chocolate ad I've ever seen?
(click image, via Piano across America)
Matthew 25:41—"Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels"
The "narrow road" refers to the road to Heaven. Georgia roads are Hell, if you're an out-of-stater. My Dad (scroll down) knows about that. Previous religious billboards from Hell:
• Florida: Scumbags Welcome!
• Texas: "I Hate Church"—Satan.
• Florida: "Sports Fanatics" will burn in Hell.
• Ohio: pro-God billboard with a perfect anti-God message.
Fucking useless font-fucking fucks (thanks Jay). We've all been there, though, right ad creative dickwads? I basically avoid telling strangers what the fuck it is I do. Related: the Art Director's Checklist.
(click ads) In no particular order, top to bottom, left to right: 1. Goodby Silverstein & Partners' Got Milk PMS campaign got absolutely nuked by women online. They pulled it almost immediately. See three more executions here. 2. Ogilvy Atlanta tried to get a nation to adopt a made-up ad word for Durex condoms. A nation said: Go fist yourself, Durex. Second print ad here. 3. Simply the dumbest Photoshopped ad I've ever seen, for a Portuguese bookseller. READING IS IRRIGATION FOR THE BRAIN. 4. Dull, Homophobic diagram sells the national drink of Brazil. 5. Cannes Lion-winning Kia ad with some clever pedophilia messaging. Kia America was forced to respond (their comment here). 6. No comment. Second ad in the campaign here. 7. Maybe the most iconic race protest photo in history is used to sell...toilet cleaning gloves. 8. Canadian hair salon playfully employs wife-beating imagery. Edgy. Honorable Mention: this racist Nivea ad • this French eyeglasses ad that lamely mocked the Hells Angels • This Burger King print ad via Germany • and this "Snatch" gym ad.
It's via Eksmo, one of Russia's leading publishing houses. The line translates to: "To read is not detrimental, it is detrimental not to read." copyranter read a lot (well, a lot of crap) as a kid, so the ad has slightly melted his frozen heart. Adme.ru just posted their best Russian ads of 2011 (which included these crazy Pepsi Max print ads and this crazy guerrilla don't drink/drive billboard). See more here.
(click image, via flickr)
Well, not today's, it's from 2009. Both books were published in the 1970s. Why did Grace "M" not title her blowjob book "Penis Sucking for everybody"? Women (shakes head). Here's a review of the Pussy Eating book. Yes, we've been there. Related—Museum of Sex ads: the Blowjob Balloon • Jism • Flaccid.
No nightmares there, I'm sure. The program was started in North Carolina, but never went national (a shame). In the early 1950s, every NYC schoolkid from kindergarten to 4th grade was issued a tag.
OK class, incoming. Put on your dog tags, and get under your desks. Here ya go Mom, this charred log is your Suzy. Related: Check out these unintentionally funny retro nuclear bomb-vertisements.
(via) Clark Griswold: "Russ? Little knot here, you can work on that." I'll be posting next week, including the five worst print ads and five worst TV/video ads of the year. See you Tuesday. Previously: THE best Christmas decoration.
(via) And you thought this Berlitz language school poster was gross? Speak in more tongues with iBabel's free chat translator. Note the tongue blood splatter on the Russian woman's face. She didn't flinch. He should have asked her, "May I perform cunnilingus on you?" Ad agency: AlmapBBDO, Brazil. Previous commercials with gross tongues: The woman with the 50-foot tongue (via Ukraine).
(click ads, via) Aw. Ain't they cutesy-wootsy? Skype is the technology that allows horny Inuits to play beach blanket bingo with Cali babes. And enables pervy, pale Deutschlanders to satisfy their swarthy jonesing. (And me to talk to my awesome (really), ranting Mother-In-Law. They got an ad budget now, thanks to Microsoft. Ad agency: Wunderman, Santiago, Chile. Previously: • Hey look! Wikipedia print ads. • Hey look! Google print ads via Turkey.
(click ad, via Village Voice) Print ad Durex is currently running in India. Copy reads: “experience the new durex superthin ultima. our thinnest condom. so thin, you can leave her pleasantly puzzled–did he really use one? or didn't he?" Did he or didn't he—make me preggers? Did he or didn't he—give me an orgasm? No, definitely no O. Previously: Durex ad tastefully addresses the German cucumber e-coli outbreak.
(click image, via) Created for the Associação da Luta Contra o Câncer in Mozambique by DDB (who also did the superhero self-exam posters). I guess the men were beaten back by cops? Yes, those are real boobs of a real woman sticking out of the (glory) holes of the Association's breast cancer awareness poster ("Touch to know if it's real"). It was erected during Mozambique's Fashion Week. Women who passed by (squeezers or not) were given a small brochure with the copy "Breast cancer is also real. Do the self-examination and protect yourself." Previously in: Breast Cancer Awareness ads/installations (some nsfw).
(via) The Max guy's name is Richard, btw. Pepsi's YouTube note: "When the New York Jets are looking for inspiration in the locker room during halftime of a game, the Pepsi MAX driver steps in for coach Rex Ryan with a motivational speech for the ages!" Shut-up. Ad agency: TBWA\Chiat\Day, LA. Previously Richard douched up the Field of Dreams. Russia is kicking the USA's ass with their Pepsi Max ads.
(click ad) The South African chicken chain has done several, terrible current events-riffing ads. They stereotyped South Americans during the 2010 World Cup. They made a "blunt" offer to Paris Hilton. Their TV commercials are also tasteless. OK, last month's dead dictators TV spot was mildly humorous. Now this lameness. They should have saved the media money and updated the dead dictators spot.
(click ad, via) Is that you, Meg Ryan? AnyHooey, yes, exaggerating a product benefit is what us ad liars do, daily. But, you really gotta keep the idea within the same solar system as reality. Also: you should at least do a cursory check to make sure the exact same stupid idea hasn't already been done. Ad agency: Publicis, Zurich. Previously.
(click ads, via) In fact, these are strong challengers to the dumbest ad I've ever seen. Reliability?!? How about speed? How about getting out of your fucking forklift and running, you fucking idiot? Nice Photoshop work as well. Nissan, you should be proud. I hope, for your sake, these are fake. Ad agency: IM Advertising, Australia. And here's 14 more of the Dumbest Ads Ever.
(click, via) Yes it's old, from 2010, but I just came across it again this morning. For Interbest Outdoor in The Netherlands. Their stripping fat man billboard from the same campaign got all the recognition, winning CLIO gold and a Cannes Lion this year. But this one has more...take your eyes off the road and die in a fiery auto accident...potential, I think. Ad agency: Y&R Not Just Film, Amsterdam.
(via) Skywriting? Dud mortal shells with messages inside (OPEN ME! on the outside)? The Colombian government enlisted their ad agency, Bogota's Lowe SSP3, to try and entice the FARC guerrillas to disarm and come home to their families for Christmas. Lowe created Operation Rivers of Light—floating plastic balls filled with messages and small gifts from family and friends down waterways used by the insurgents. "We had overlooked that the highways of the jungle are the rivers," said Jose Miguel Sokoloff, chief creative officer of the Lowe agency. The balls are equipped with LEDs that recharge on solar power and will remain lighted for about two weeks, according to Mr. Sokoloff. They will be placed in nine different rivers, one in each of the areas still occupied by guerrillas. The first wave of about 1,000 balls has been sent down two rivers. An estimated 4,000 to 5,000 fighters are believed left, Mr. Sokoloff said, vs. as many as 30,000 a decade ago. The outreach encourages them to defect from their camps and surrender to Colombian soldiers, who have been instructed not to harm them (right). Interesting. But it seems like more of a PR ploy than an olive branch. Video below. See more creative guerrilla advertising here.
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Yes, this appears to be a real ad created by Ogilvy Atlanta for Underground Fitness in Roswell, Georgia. Click the ad and examine the little hairs on her belly. In the informative campaign, there's also an equally stupid but less provocative "Jerk" execution. Which is funny, because this "Snatch" ad is going to attract gym mooks like that guy. Note: the most repugnant (to women) gym ad ever is still this one (nsfw).
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I can't find who, exactly, voted Paris ad agency Herezie "best young agency of the year". Maybe their mother? This is hanging in their halls, and ran in exactly zero publications. That's all I got. You make the idiotic comments.
Ad agencies: Forever terrible at promoting themselves.