TITS SELL SMARTPHONE.

(click ad, via)
Specifically, 3-D TITS.
Dammit, her TIT keeps disconnecting my calls.
Ad agency: Y&R, Paris.
TITS: WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?

TITS SELL CONDOMS.

(click ad, via) "Hypersensitive" condoms. Art directors? READABLE typefaces. Ad agency: Adplanet, Singapore. Tits. What can't they sell? Here's 17 other things they've sold.
TITS.

T*TS SELL TINTING.

(click ad, via) Tits sell things. Lots of things. Anything. Everything. Highlighters (nsfw). Hamburgers. Sausage. Aperitifs. Muffins. Mushrooms. Ovens. Magazines. Cars. Car insurance. Independent front suspension. Graphic arts biennials (nsfw). A pool hall. And of course WonderBras. Even ad agencies themselves. And now, via Montreal: Dr Tint's tinted windows. "Feel Like A Star."
TITS.

Woman without clothes used to sell notebook.

(click ad, via) She's imitating a notebook (*clever*). The Samsung SF notebook. Which is "revolutionary" because it is curved. Like a woman's body. Like any body, actually, thanks to the curvature of the human spine. Her hooha is the power button, I guess. Be nice if the agency, Cheil in The Netherlands, had translated the copy, so's we could see if they slipped in any awkward double entendres. Add it to the sex sells pile.
related: Tits sell stuff round-up.

Racks of Booze.

(click Salmas for closer look)
Previously (left), I was left scratching my head wondering if Campari was really simply using Salma Hayek's big tits and only Salma Hayek's big tits to sell their yucky liqueur. I visited the "Hotel Campari" website in search of a movie tie-in or hotel story line to go with the print ads, and found nothing but a passionless short video and some stills. Now (right), a second print ad from the campaign—found in yesterday's New York Times magazine—puts Salma Hayek's big tits even front-er and center-er. Note the ridiculously obvious bottle-as-erect-penis positioning. Also notice that the lemon twist is the same shape as the cleavage created by Salma Hayek's big tits. Notice that the ice cube has been retouched to match Hayek's bracelet. Also, the ice cube probably represents one of the man's testicles.
previously in liquor ads:
1. What's on your headstone, Tommy?
2. The drunken conversation is waiting.
3. Worst. Anthropomorphism. Ever.
4. Captain Morgan Tattoo?

Jugs of Campari.

(click image to increase boobs size)
For some reason, I gave Campari the benefit of the doubt here with their new print campaign. I thought, 'they really couldn't, so blatantly, just be using Salma Hayek's big tits, and only Salma Hayek's big tits, to sell their yucky apéritif.' A visit to the website would surely reveal a movie tie-in or a sophisticated story line around the "Hotel Campari" or some kind of special promotion, yes? No. It's just Salma Hayek's big tits.
Bravo Campari? I guess?
previously in liquor ads:
1. What's on your headstone, Tommy?
2. The drunken conversation is waiting.
3. Worst. Anthropomorphism. EVER.
4. Product Naming for DUMMIES, #2.

(nsfw) T*TS SELL HIGHLIGHTER.

(click ad, via) Newsflash! Well, they've been used to sell hamburgers, sausage, aperitifs, muffins, mushrooms, graphic arts biennials, and even ad agencies themselves. But, I think this print ad by Peruvian agency Mayo Draft FCB for the Layconsa brand highlighter takes the copyranter prize for the most gratuitous use of tits to sell something. Winner winner, chicken breast dinner.

Europe's largest electronics retailer employs three-boobed babe to advertise in Russia.

(click images) Loose billboard translation (Russians, help me): "You will find more than you expect." Media Markt, headquartered in Germany, first used the tri-titted strategy in its home country. Now, they've brought it east. The billboard hangs in Moscow, according to adme.ru. The other three images are from the Russian Media Markt website. No fair! Where's the man with multiple penes?
I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it, as long as the evidence keeps supporting it: In new Russia—everything sex! Previously: Tits sell anything/everything.

The most nonsensically sexual beer ads ever.

(click ads)
Ads are from 2004, before I started my road to ad blog infamy. I just ran across them in my daily depressing early morning trip around the Internet. That's very interesting that you, Dialogo Publicidad (the Argentinian ad agency), managed to make beer mugs look like lady parts. But, WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT? Shout it with me, Mad Men: TITS—what can't they sell? ASS—what can't it sell? Related.

Bouncing bOObs sell earplugs.

(via)
"THEY WON'T (wink wink) FALL OUT."
TITS? WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?
HAVE A NICE WEEKEND.

BREASTS SELL SHOES.

The model/actor/writer calls herself: "Seeker of the truth. Keeper of the faith."
How original, a woman eating fruit. That song blows.
See: TITS! WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?

copranter: what are T*Ts selling today?

(click ad)
Heineken-owned Aussie beer Foster's. Old ad, year unknown. Tits have of course sold beer lots (example : a beer mug made to look like a tit). But this is a rather unsubtle execution. TITS: WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL? Related: Another Aussie beer brand, Hahn, produced this aural T&A commercial.

Big fake breasted 'Jersey Shore' ad banned because of big fake breasts.

(click ad) Explain your decision, Australian ASB:
"The Board noted that the woman in the advertisement is wearing a bikini and considered that this would be appropriate attire for a  beach setting. However, the Board noted that the focus of the advertisement is on the chest  and torso of the woman and the woman’s breasts are the focus of the advertisement and  comprise the majority of the image in the advertisement. The Board noted that the advertisement appears in bus shelters and has a broad audience which includes children and that in this context noting the size of the advertisement, the unavoidable focus for the viewing audience is the woman’s breasts. The Board considered that this level of nudity is confronting in the context."
Jesus. By the time they got done with that statement, they could have jerked off to the poster. Which they probably did. Via AdNews.
TITS—WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL? They can't sell 'Jersey Shore' Down Under.
Previously: Russian Butt Billboard Banned Because of Russian Butt (nsfw).

How's this for an unappealing reason to get screened for cancer?

(click ad, via) In addition to insulting the ugly Olds, can we also get some big titties in the ad? Yes, says the Lima, Peru office of ad agency Y&R. Didn't I read somewhere that jerking off helps prevent prostate cancer? Tits? What can't they sell? Note: this is the same agency and same client that produced this booby heads breast cancer ad. The Inappropriate PSA Humor thread gets longer every day.

Tabasco does Juggs-vertising in the SI swimsuit issue.

(click ad, via adrants) Finally, the much-anticipated (by pathetic mooks) edition of Sports Illustrated is out. And the McIlhenny Company managed to squeeze this ad in between all the sandy cleavage. In the 2009 issue, Arby's did a less subtle BurgerTits ad. I repeat: TITS. WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?

The most BORING lingerie commercial ever.

I've never hated an ampersand more. This is also the most boring entry ever in the TITS: WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL? archive. Client had to love the production bill, though. Ad agency: Glow, Berlin. Via. Update: Scarlett & RHEET?
Here's six previous lingerie videos, all sexier than this one, some nsfw.

Unshockingly, Ryanair does big boobs-vertising for Bavarian beer bash.

(click ad)
No, what is shocking here is that the ad was placed in the classy Guardian, and not the sleazy Mirror or Sun. Desperate times call for breasty measures. Read more about it via London journalist Jon Slattery. Previously, the Irish discount airline got in trouble over a tawdry back to school ad, compared their main competitor to Robert Mugabe, and produced a bikini calendar made up of employees. Repeat after me: TITS—WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?

RACK 'EM!

(click ad for closer look)
RACKS have been exploited to advertise pretty much anything and everything, including yucky aperitifs, ugly-ass coffins, and most certainly, dating site true.com. And now, a cutesy-though-ample, metaphoric one is used to ostensibly sell a Pittsburgh pool hall's "ladies night." Yes. Because they are targeting the ladies here, thus the focus on tits in the ad. They're most certainly not at all—like every "ladies night" ad ever done—simply trying to get more guys to come on Thursday nights, where I'm sure, because of this irresistible ad, the pool hall is merrily overflowing with the women folk.
(image via)

Punctuation employed to pause aging process.

(click ads) Well at least Kaya skin clinics of India didn't go with the usual close-up shots of beautiful fake-users of their dubious products gently caressing their shiny photo-retouched baby butt faces. But I'm thinking these grammatical teasers might leave some potential customers scratching their heads. Campaign by Y&R Dubai, via Ad Blog Arabia. Previous skin care ads: (nsfw) Fake tits used to sell bullshit skin firming cream. Asian woman's secret to milky white skin—she swallows. Chinese skin whitener illegally uses Michael Jackson in ad.

iRack.

(click image) Ladies, here's the iPhone app men looking over your shoulder have been waiting for. iAugment was developed by a New Orleans plastic surgeon. Just upload a photo of yourself, preferably in a "bra, bathing suit, or light colored top," highlight the target area, and move that slider left and right to watch your rib balloons inflate and deflate. "Results of actual surgery will vary." (via)
Previously in ads with fake boobs:
• fake-titted model selling Nikes.
• (nsfw) Fun Bags missing Twist Ties.
• (nsfw) new German typeface: Playmatica.
• (nsfw) fake tits used to sell bullshit breast firming cream.
• Statutory rape awareness ads feature 13 year-olds with DD cups.