FREE BEER!

One uncomfortable caveat. Solution: Depends. Via.

SHIT AD AGENCIES SAY (video).

(via)
Via NYC agency "Bold" Worldwide.
That sucked harder than every airplane toilet worldwide combined.
Were they trying to be ironic? Sucked.
Trying to be accurate? Sucked.
Trying to be inaccurate? Sucked.
Trying to be cool? Sucked.
Trying to be cool by not being cool? Sucked.
Previously: SHIT CREATIVE DIRECTORS SAY (sucks).

Funny print ads for the new .xxx porn domain (sfw).

(click ads, via)
Companies! Did you snatch up your .xxx domains at the end of 2011 so folks won't be watching bukkake clips on Revlon.xxx (they're safe)? If you didn't, it's too late! Anyway, here's a cheeky new campaign for the new internet home of porn. Ad agency: M&C Saatchi, UK. Thanks Stephen. Related—three fun porn blocker software campaigns: one, two, three (this one is hilarious).

No woman likes to wear a thong...

(click, via)
Is that you, Kim Cattrall?
Previously: Dick in a Box mannequin.

Russian Billboard Watch: an anthropomorphized masturbating cigarette?!?

(click, via)
Russian readers! Please translate what the fap is going on in this—I presume—anti-smoking billboard (update: see comments). What are the money-shot words yelling? Is it about impotence, a side effect of smoking? That's my guess. Previously: Russian anti-secondhand smoke billboard features baby torture.

The winner (so far) of the NYC "Mad Men" teaser poster improvement contest.

(click)
It looks to be the same artist who shark attacked the suicidal ad exec. If you see any others, Gothamists, please email them in. Better yet, draw them yourselves, and send them in. I'm looking for darker executions. Snapped at Canal St. Thanks Jessie.

Irish Hillbilly Baby Bottle.

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See, I can say that, because I'm an Irish Hillbilly. I've shit in multiple outhouses in the middle of winter. Taken baths in a metal tub with water heated from a wood-burning stove. Shot many a gun. Eaten squirrel, deer, and bear, and probably the balls of all three. You fucking urbanites think you know what a "dive" bar is? Bwa. Ha. Ha. Here's a clue: They are none nada ZERO dive bars in NY fucking C. OK. I'm done. Back to your regularly scheduled ad blog. Oh wait: for more of these concept baby bottles, go here.

Could somebody please explain this Diet Coke ad?

(click)
I found it on Tumblr, I didn't bookmark it, if it's yours, comment with a fucking link, and I'll fucking link to it like a good little fucking Web boy. So, what? I'll be shitting smaller? No wait, I got it? My ASS will become so tiny that I will have to buy a custom made toilet seat. Does that sound/look right? OK, I was wrong, I don't need you. Fuck off. No wait: how is a woman supposed to piss into that thing?
Previously: Could someone please explain this Diet Pepsi ad?

Today's ad with a cross-dressing cop.

(click ad, via)
So, cross-dressers, what say you? Offensive? Or just stupid? That pig (nickname for cop) didn't put much effort into his femininity. Red Off is a Visine type product in Chile. Ad agency: Prolam Y&R, Santiago. Previously: a rare cross-dresser appearance in a major print ad.

The best Ray-Ban "Never Hide" print ad yet.

But, it's a Chip Shop Award entry. Still, it's much better than the boring real work for the brand by Cutwater. Related: the two most tasteless ads from last year's Chip Shop Awards.

The most polite train etiquette poster ever.

(click image, via) Via Queensland, Australia. If that was in the NYC subway system, I don't even want to imagine what substances would be clinging and dripping from it.
Previous excellent subway etiquette posters: Paris • Tokyo.

The best ad EVER about snot.

(click image)
From 2007, for Science World in Vancouver. Science World has put up many cool science-y billboards in recent years, including one covered in real gold.
Ad agency: Rethink Communications.

Sperm Bank subway ad insinuates British men have microscopic cocks.

(click, via)
Poster campaign for the London Sperm Bank launched in the Underground late last year (via Colchester design firm Silk Pearce). Why, child-wanting wench, did you reject my John Thomas? Skype me, and I'll rub one out for you so's you can closely examine my baby batter.
Previously in Sperm: NYC Sperm Bank poster • the world's first sperm bank ATM • the sperm bike of Copenhagen • Sperm retrieval machine via China • Sperm clinic jizz bag • and Sperm Jeans (eww).

Graphic, emotional anti-mining campaign via The Philippines.

(click ads, via)
It isn't often that literal visuals work. It worked with these Gold Lion-winning "save the animals" ads, and it works here. (Especially the cute mouse deer. The other two animals are a Pangolin anteater and a Dugong.). The southern part of Palawan Island, inhabited by indigenous tribal people, is being mined by several large corporations. Here's the organization's facebook page; unfortunately, as of this post, their signature page (don't click it) seems to have been hijacked by scammers. Here's more information on the crisis.
Ad agency: DM9 JaymeSyfu, Manila.

"Shit Nobody Says About Advertising."

(via Adverve)
By Target Marketing in Canada.
Flying fish are jumping over this well-chewed shark carcass.
Previously: "Shit Creative Directors Say."

Hell Pizza gives away blood-filled Syringe Pens to kids.

(click)
New Zealand's Hell pizza has a well-earned reputation for creating controversial yet spiritless advertising (see the timely yet sleepy dead bin Laden ad) and the blasphemous yet stale pentagram bun promo).
Here Hell is (was) giving pens that looked like blood-filled syringes with the inscription: "Hell, creating addicts since 1996." (C'mon, everybody knows China White and pizza [well, any food] do not go together). The big controversy here is that the pens weren't supposed to be given out to children (teens were fine, I'm sure). But nine-year-old Joel Crampton of Wellington came home beaming with his promo paraphernalia. His parents were not beaming. Hell says they've stopped the promo.
Previously, Hell also gave away "Misfortune Cookies," including one that read "You will marry a transgender" (Bwa HaHaHa!)
Ad agency: Barnes, Catmur & Friends, Auckland.

A post for nympho word nerds.

(click, via reddit)

Barbie® SQUIRTS?!?

(via)
Well, it's mostly water. Also urine PSA, PAP, glucose, and some creatinine (Video).
Ya know, when I was kid, we were happy just to undress her.
Previously: Barbie has gone Lesbian?!?

Newsweek presents Newt's Nipple (need eye bleach).

HELL TO THE NO (via Brian Ries).
Previously: Cheatin' Newt endorsed by cheatin' website.

So, this exists.

(click, via etsy)
It was sold in 2009. Which one of you heavy-flow women out there snatched (heh) it up? Strongly Related.

BEST PEEPHOLE EVER.

(Click, via reddit)
Previously: Best use ever of "Hello My Name Is..." stickers.

Bloody Ad of the Day.

(click, via)
update: it appears this idea was stolen from an Australian art director (evidence).
Product: Expert Whitening. Ad agency: Canvas, Cape Town. What do I think of the ad? Who gives a fuck (It sucks), it's Friday. True story: I once cut the tip of a finger off trimming comps. (It was all hands on deck for a next morning 9:00am new business pitch.) Here's five of the most bloody, gruesome ads from the last few years.

Cute Dog Pic of the Day.

(click, via)
Fuck you, it's Friday.
Previously: a Dachshund wearing chain mail.

Jewish fraternity's rush flier is very Jewy.

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Fliers on the University of Rochester, NY campus for the AEPi frat. That advice ain't free either, Frosh. Thanks Erica. Previously: Dubai gym ad laughingly uses Auschwitz visual.

Today's Ads That'll Make Art Directors Touch Their Genitals.

(click ads, via)
Oh gawd, look at the precise Photoshop work. Ooh, baby babe-ee. You probably can't leaf (sorry) your thingy alone. The campaign is for Plant for the Planet, via the Hamburg office of Leagas Delaney. Finish up. OK. Well, the thing is, this exact same idea showed up last week via a Brazilian agency, and via the same artist (oops). But then, there was this from 2010.
Not so hard now, are ya? Not to worry: here're many more ads worthy of your auto-eroticism.

Can you guess why this Hungarian movie poster has been banned?

(click, via Buzzfeed)
It's for the film Shame, starring Michael Fassbender's penis (nsfw) and Carey Mulligan (released in the US last month). Poor pen(is)manship? Previously in Jizzvertising: Sperm clinic bag • Durex business card • Museum of Sex poster.

I'm Newt Gingrich, and I strongly approve of this ad."

(click, from 1968, via)
The "Grandiose" Newt this week boasted about putting a colony on the Moon by 2020. He will rename Earth's satellite "Newton", after Sir Isaac (not himself). And Lestoil will enjoy a huge resurgence as it becomes the official all-purpose cleaner on Newton. That pesky Newton dust ain't gonna clean itself, subservient housewives. Previously: Cheating husband Gingrich endorsed by cheating husband website.

"Mad Men" teaser poster again gets punked/improved.

(click, via)
At the Carroll St. stop, Brooklyn.
Ad guys were sharks back then.
Previously.

Super Bowl craigslist ad of the day—the saddest thing I've ever read.

(click, via Buzzfeed)
Caveat, of course, if it's real. If it is real, he's toast. Or, maybe he's gay, and he's just trying to meet a hunky football type? As a hunky jock myself, I'm suspicious. Four previous craigslist ad of the day posts here.

The internet-famous Audi vs. BMW billboard battle has a new addition.

(click, via)
Using a blimp is lame, BMW (unless it has "new car" smell).
Still. Now it's your move, Audi. Via Santa Monica, California.

This Samsung Galaxy Tablet parody commercial is hilarious.

I almost always hate parodies; it's a fuckload easier to riff than create, That said, this is my kind of parody. I don't know the who or how. Maybe it was made by pissed-off Apple fanboys in reaction to the new pathetic, pedestrian Samsung spots mocking said fanboys. But what it is, is funny. Another parody I liked: this seriously NSFW Skittles video.

NYC artist greatly improves new "Mad Men" teaser subway poster.

(click, via)
FIXED, as they say.
It definitely needed more ass.
Snapped at an unknown subway stop.
The original.
update: found a better shot here.

Perceptions of Ad Agency Employees.

(click, via)
Pretty harsh and sexist on the Account Executive.
Four more stupid ad agency infographics here.

The most entertaining fire safety commercial ever.

(via)
Ad agency: Try, Oslo.
Similarly:
• the most entertaining gum commercial ever.
• the most elaborate cell phone commercial ever.
• the strangest light bulb commercial ever.
• the most insane bathroom cleaner commercial ever.

NYC gym ad laughs at Paula Dean's upcoming death.

(scanned from the New York Times) Is she an idiot? Yes. Does she deserve criticism? Absolutely. But this kind of vulture marketing is fucking tasteless. But then, NYSC is known for it.

Justin Timberlake Quote of the Day:

Said Timberlake, just named "creative director"(?) of Callaway Golf, in Tuesday's Wall Street Journal:
"The new (Callaway) marketing will give the sport a nice injection of kickassery."
Golf. Now and forever. Not. A. Sport.
(stick tap to Chris Collision)

This will be the best Super Bowl commercial.

You dicksplashes can have all your celebs and dogs wearing sneakers and talking fucking babies and slutty Danica Patricks. I'll take this perfected branded spot for 1st Bank. Look for it. Then, remember how it stood out amongst all the noise.
Ad agency: TDA_Boulder. update: the ad will only run in Colorado.

New Atheism billboards ruined by comical typeface, ugly layouts, stupid baby.

(click, via)
Two boards that just went up this month in Minnesota. Note to the organization: Please get an art director to help you in the future. Yellow? Comic Sans-like type? Whose baby is that? Your chairman's? What is it with the atheists and their shit-ugly billboards? Jesus, it's not like the theists' billboards set the bar very high.

Cumming soon: the Fleshlight iPad case (nsfw-ish).

(click image, via) Yes, it's exactly what it looks like. And yes, according to Gizmodo, it really is cumming soon. Apple fanboys? Finally, you will be able to fuck your iPad; or more realistically pretend-fuck your favorite porn star, I guess. Welcome to Porn 3.0. What A Fucking World. Gilbert Gottfried will be ecstatic.

60 seconds of food blowing up in slow motion in a microwave (it's an ad).

The point being, Microwaves ruin everything. Video is for Moe's Southwest Grill. I've never heard of them, but apparently they never use microwaves. It's a selling point, I guess? But how's the food? Brandon from the agency says the action was shot with a Weisscam at 500 frames per second. Ad agency: Focus Brands, Atlanta. Related: Would you buy a microwave that looked this weird?

New Domestic Violence ads: Man knocks out seven women with one punch.

(click ads, via)
So, a nice visual trick to dramatize the "cycle of violence" via AWARE (Association of Women for action and research) in Singapore. Again, the onus is put on the woman to take responsibility in an abuse PSA campaign (like with this recent pulled date rape campaign). When you fear for your life, "stopping the cycle" is easier said than done (I have some tragic experience with this situation in my extended family).
View several more domestic violence print and video ads here.

Gabrielle Giffords resignation video. Believe in this pathetic, partisan country again.

New Google subway ad advocates burning beetles alive.

(click ad)
This version of the ad was scanned from this week's New Yorker, but I first saw it on my morning A train ride yesterday. Yes, Google ads are now all over the NYC subway trains, as part of their new "good to know" campaign. They're starting to spend some big ad $s. I like the illustration style. But that mega-magnifying glass is going to scorch that poor beetle. Seriously, I think the ads are OK, nothing special. They do a decent job of elevating Google Search over other engines (Bing)—seemingly the goal of the campaign. Previously: Hey Look! Google's running very bizarre print ads in Turkey.

Simply the best outdoor ad installation ever produced.

(click)
Many of you ad veterans have already seen this brilliant piece of work for Rimmel quick-drying nail polish, but about half of my readers don't work in the ad industry—so this is for them.
Back in 2009, JWT London placed these ad sculptures in front of Rimmel retailers in the UK. Then, once shoppers went into the stores, they were greeted by another smaller version of the installation near the Rimmel display case. Sure, there have been many cool-looking oversized outdoor ads (Two of my favorites: Mini-Cooper and Hot Wheels). But this one also perfectly dramatized the product's benefit.

The day Swanson TV dinners killed international cuisine.

(click, via)
Actually, I don't know the day, but the year was 1967. Other old people from a poor-ish background are maybe familiar with the shit-mouth flavor of Swanson TV dinners. (Anybody eaten them lately? Have they improved?) But luckily for me, my parents never ventured into foreign territory. That Chinese slop looks like cooked dog and dog puke. Previously: Stouffer's turns spinach into a puke brick.

FOUND HIM!

(click, via reddit)
In the basement of a dorm.
Previously: Hipster Hitler found.

The best Nike Hiking ad I've ever seen.

(click, via)
Of course, it's the only Nike Hiking ad I've ever seen. And, since it's got a phone number and calling hours, I have no choice but to assume that it's 100% authentic. Recently: The new Nike Kobe Bryant commercial sucks.

Logo Geeks—Time to drool like Homer.

(click)
This has been around the world wide web a few times, but if you haven't seen it, look at it, and feel inadequate. It's supposedly just a conceptional logo, but Michigan State's golf club should totally steal it. Related: Here's another logo you'll wish you did.

David Ogilvy's best ever tip on writing copy...

#9. "If all else fails, I drink half a bottle of rum and play a Handel oratorio on the gramophone. This generally produces an uncontrollable gush of copy."
Similarly, I drink a half a bottle of Jack Daniels and play some mclusky on the SoundDock, and think of a bunch of sketchy ideas, and write down none of them, and then can't remember a fucking thing the next morning.
Read more of Ogilvy's 1955 letter on what a lousy copywriter he was on Letters of Note.
Previously: brilliant 1,909-word trade ad written by Ogilvy.

cRaZY Japan Ad Watch: The craziest...scrotum itch cream commercial ever.

(via)
Kokan means Scrotum in Japanese.
Previously in: cRaZY Japan Ad Watch.

HANGOVERS. CURED.

(click, via)
This is the best cure since Whiskey Toothpaste! Developed by Max Factor!