The most sexist tampon ad ever.

(click ad, via) Fucking periods, right guys? Wow. That's bad, even for Italians. What, exactly, is Tampax saying here? They've invented a tampon that delays periods? That their tampon—unlike all others—staunches the bleeding, allowing man to ram his cock into woman's clean vagina? Is the man God, who's about to fuck Mother Nature? Ad agency: Leo Burnett, Milan. Previous tampon ads:
• The Kotex Beaver.
• Tampon DrainVertising.
• Mooncups for your Netherlands.
• Always sez put a starship up your cooter.
• In France, blood does come out of vaginas.

Hey, at least he gives oral.

(click ad) "His name's Vlad. I like him, but he only wants to date me every 28 days..." You may say 'ewww,' but blood is blood to the undead. Not at all surprisingly, the creative team from Switzerland that dreamed up this bloodcurdling o.b. tampon ad is all-male. But at least, like this French shark-infested Tampax ad and unlike every American tampon ad ever made, they've acknowledged that blood does in fact come out of a cooter.
previously in: tampon/pad ads.
previously in: scary all-male creative team ads.
update: The ad agency contacted me to report that this ad was never published. Also, a rep from o.b. responded in the comments.

OMG! BLOOD in an American Tampon ad!

(click ad, via) NO, you don't understand, this is a historic advertising moment, people! OK, it's just a dot (or a "period," if you will) that's representative of menstrual blood, BUT STILL. After years of TV spot after TV spot using that ubiquitous blue liquid, Look! Red! In French ads, Tampax has already acknowledged the monthly presence of blood. As has o.b. in Switzerland with this creepy vampire ad. Meanwhile in America, it's dumb ad after dumb ad.
Ad agency: Leo Burnett, Chicago.
Previous notable tampon ads:
• Sexist, via Italy.
• The Kotex Beaver, via Australia.

In France, Tampax acknowledges that, once a month, blood does in fact come out of a woman's vagina.

(click ad to vainly look for menstrual blood)
In the United States, Tampax inexplicably equates the experience of sticking one of their absorbent tubes up one's cooter to riding a wild horse. (Kotex, at least, seems to recognize that women can be eyeless medusas during their periods.)
However in the above French ad, via Leo Burnett—France, the P&G company actually presents a tampon benefit—NO BLOOD LEAKAGE. It's certainly not a great ad, but at least it dramatizes a real reason to buy. Good luck trying to find any reference to bloody pussies in American tampon advertising. The closest we come is by using the word "flow" in the copy. It's like looking for sex cues in U.S. Viagra ads (shit even in China they get right to the spermy point.).
(image via)
previously in marketing to women:
1. SJP. Girlie. Edgy.
2. Pink NHL jerseys.
3. You've cum a long way, baby.
4. INTRODUCING F*CK-ME CAMELS.
5. Butch Cassidy sez: bang your husband, eat your greens.

Inserting tampon in cooter = climbing platinum vines with crystal flowers.

(via) "Only U can take me there...a touch of luxury when you need it most." So promises this fantasmagorical spot via The Brand Shop in Sydney for the new Platinum line by U for Kotex. They've apparently abandoned the cute beaver mascot. Previously in: tampon ads.

Blood Money.

(click ad, via) Aussie lasses? Your ship may have finally come in—with your crimson tide! To "celebrate" their new click lock box, Libra is giving away AU$10,000 a month for five months. Also! Find a "golden tampon" (HA!), and instantly win one of 1,000 $50 gift cards! Jesus, Joseph, and bloody Mary, this is, uh, something. By Clemenger BBDO in Melbourne. Previous Tampon Advertising.

(nsfw?) Es ist der PussyLolly—with or without tampon string.

(click images) "Lick the most elegant way!" It's the plum-flavored (not cherry?) lickable lady flower "handcrafted" in Germany. The translated copy: "The pussy lolly is an extraordinary and quite grown-up idea with which not only is preparing himself or others happy, but with the one(s) and always remains in training!" It's a treat! It's a training device!
Snatch one for € 5.90, plus s+h. The "menstruation" version (center, tampon string) is €7.50, while the "intimate piercing" lolly (right) is €15.00. Go down on one in a bar ,at the supermarket, or in your conference room, and instantly make all the ladies' groins tingle! Previously in: VAGINA. Related: the condom lollipop.

Introducing the "Whooooa Baby!" tampon.

(click ad to read copy)
I am not a woman. I do not have a vagina. However, I have lived—and am living—with a woman. And I have observed that, during menstruation, women are generally not in a mood to do handstands (wonder what Kotex Ko would have to say about that?). BUT, this is not for me, a man, to say for sure. Ladies, do you believe that a new tampon—Tampax's biggest upgrade EVER! could make you shout "Whooooa baby?" (note, four o's). Yes or No?
(ad from August Glamour, emailed by Blaize Wilkinson)
previously in women:
1. Labiaplasty ad with hilarious typos.
2. Pink NHL jerseys.
3. Meet Ko, the Krazy eyeless Kotex icon.
4. Samsung commits an innuendon't.
5. Butch Cassidy sez: Bang your husband. Eat your greens.

Tampon DrainVertising.

(click image, via) To market Nampak's Lifestyle stretch-fit sanitary pad, a South African ad agency created this basin decal, designed to fit neatly over the drainage hole. "The creative resembles the actual product, whilst drawing attention to its unique selling points—its stretch fit and super absorbent core—at the same time," said the agency, Johannesburg's TLC Marketing. Even cuter if you have a cut on your hands, right ladies? Previously in: questionable public bathroom advertising. Previously in: Tampon Advertising.

"Nothing You Could Say Can Tear Me Away From My, uh, Guy"

(click ad to read copy)
Yesterday's pedophilic trip down memory lane led me to this powerfully effective ad for PMS drug Midol scanned from a 1974 Tiger Beat.
The enlightening copy starts "Be the you he likes. Good to be around, any day of the month." That's right girls—be the you HE likes. Even if your Guy (note cap "G" subservient ones) wears patchwork-quilt shirts and happens to look a bit like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.
related: In France, women menstruate blood. Tampax introduces the Whooooa Baby! tampon. Kotex Ko, the eyeless Medusa.

Always says: Transvestites don't menstruate.

(via) Ad agency Leo Burnett UK says they gathered some of East London's finest transvestites for this "viral" (that's what they're mistakenly calling it) video for Always pads. Not being a woman or a transvestite, I'm not sure if/how this appeals to women or does/doesn't offend transvestites. If you're one or the other, maybe you can help me out. What I do know is that it's not funny/interesting.
Previous Always ads:
• LOOK! Blood in an American pad ad!
• Put a starship up your vagina?
Related: more tampon/pad ads.

(nsfw) Is this the most blatantly sexist ad ever produced?

(click ad, via) It's an older Spanish ad via Italian motorcycle manufacturer Aprilia, announcing that their Arrecife range of scooters are "now several sizes smaller." Time for a definitive poll! Which is the most sexist ad ever posted on copyranter? Vote in the comments, if you want:
• this one here.
• this UK shoe ad.
• this US fashion ad.
• this Greek BMW ad.
• this Indian candy ad.
• this Czech beer spot.
• this US Huffy bikes ad.
• this Italian tampon ad.
• this American server ad.
• this Bulgarian vodka ad.
• this Israeli bookstore ad.
• these Israeli Bacardi ads.
• these Singapore beer ads.
• this Singapore skin cream ad.
• this Belgian dating site video.
• this Chilean menstrual pills ad.
• these German Men's Health ads.
• this Canadian car dealership ad.
• and, my choice, the BK blow job ad from Singapore.

Dam! The Kotex Beaver Is Back!

The Aussie Kotex beaver from Down Under only wants the ultimate care down there. This time, she's wearing an ultra thin sleeping mask. Comfy beaver! (via scary ideas) previously in tampon advertising.

The dumbest Valentine's Day ad I could find.

(click ad ,via) I looked through hundreds of dumb V-Day ads. This was the dumbest. Here's a double shit burger sweetie, will you marry me? From 2004. Ad agency: TBWA Paris. Previous dumbest ads:
• dumbest coffee ad.
• dumbest tampon ad.
• dumbest hockey ads.
• dumbest condom ad.
• dumbest Water Day ad.
• dumbest investment ad.
• dumbest bookseller ad.
• dumbest WonderBra ad.
• dumbest motorcycle ads.
• dumbest weed wacker ad.
• dumbest protein drink ad.
• dumbest domestic violence ads.
• and the dumbest ad I've ever seen.

Once a month, put a starship up your vagina.

(click ad, via) "Warp speed absorption." A menstrual pad ad targeting Trekkies. Hmm. "There's too much flow, captain, she won't hold much longer!" We may have a new dumbest feminine hygiene ad ever.
Other "care down there" ads:
• Twat the Hell?
• SFW or NSFW?
• Waxing pathetic.
• V is for Vagina Victory.
• Tampon DrainVertising.
• the Aussie Kotex Beaver.
• Mooncup for your Netherlands.
• In France, Tampax acknowledges that blood does indeed come out of a vagina.

FINALLY! A tampon spot with a beaver.

Not surprisingly, it comes from the Land Down Under (via Sydney ad agency The Brand Shop. Female creatives [yay!] worked on the commercial.) It's for U by Kotex, "for the ultimate care down there." First, France finally acknowledged that blood does in fact come out of vaginas (not some blueish liquid). Now this. How do we advertise tampons in the USA? Lamely. Very Lamely.

Link Haze, 4/16/10.

• Her name is Kelly.
• 20-foot Warhol head piñata.
• Most ridiculous trophy ever?
• Dirty Harry sez: don't do crack, punk.
• Police sketch of a 63-year-old sex perp.
• Tweety Bird Binn's thought of the week.
• Maverick will get your drunk-driving ass off.
• Young woman snorting heroin through a tampon tube.
• Penthouse Bulgaria turns a woman's eye into another slit.
• NYC challenge: find a payphone that's intact and not bloody.

copyranter on COILHOUSE: Tampon fax for you...

Stayfree faxed single sheet ads for its ultra-thin napkin to businesswomen. What a pleasant workday intrusion. (link)

However, if she did "grow a pair," she wouldn't need Summer's Eve cleansing cloths, I guess.

(click ad, scanned from People) The incredibly stupid copy: "Courage. You were born with it. And what better way to nurture that feeling than with a little extra care down there." (Ha, WHAT?) Previously in "care down there" ads:
• Twat the Hell?
• waxing pathetic.
• V is for Vagina Victory.
• Tampon Drainvertising.
• The Aussie Kotex Beaver.
• Mooncup for your netherlands.
• In France, Tampax acknowledges that blood comes out of a vagina.