Douchebag Ed Hardy t-shirt minus the Douche.

(click image, via reddit) Ad guys LOVE ironic t-shirts, So go hunt one down, ad guy. Previously:
Ed Hardy eau de toilette copy smells bad.

Maybe THIS will put an end to the "planking" garbage.

(via reddit)

The only coffee commercial ever produced featuring a sex doll.

Stunningly senseless. Ad agency: unknown. Update: by McBrat TV.
Previous commercials with sex dolls: one • two.
Thanks Vinnie for the tip.

Link Haze, 7/29/11.

• cat gif.
• NYC subway.
• The Smurfs—Commies?
• Afghanistan in the 1950s-60s.
• Gwyneth Paltrow tweets a funny.
• The Devil's car spotted in Williamsburg?
• Casey Anthony mask sold for nearly 1 mil.
• Poorly named liquor store is poorly named.
• Debt solution: mint a two trillion dollar coin.
• Amy Winehouse's ashes and her bodyguards.
• Blush lingerie (lamely) exploits the Murdoch scandal.

"Walking Dead" hits Comic-Con with body parts-filled promo truck.

(click images, via) Season two starts October 16th, Zombie lovers. Nice, cheap stunt. Even better was last year's "Resident Evil" body parts installation all over Madrid. I definitely prefer zombie dramas to all the lame lemming vampire shows. Related: let's write some new taglines for "Zombie Strippers."

NYC Real Estate Ad Watch: Tattooed Naked Fauxhemian Edition.

(click image) What the fuck is that on the bathtub next to the wine? Human entrails? This is via edgy Bushwick Brooklyn, thus the IN YOUR FACE tats. In case you missed it: "hipster" was killed last year, replaced by fauxhemian. Via New York Shitty. Previously in: NYC Real Estate Ad Watch. Related: the unparalleled hyperbole of NYC real estate advertising.

Meanwhile in Japan... (NotSafeForAnybodyAnywhere)

It's her "bashful machine gun."
It's a scene from a 2008 movie called "Machine Girl 2."
Via. Previously in: Creepy Japan.

Newspaper Association of America presents one of the truly dumbest headlines in advertising history.

(click ad) It is inane beyond my comprehension: what a stupid, insulting cliche. Do you dying medium idiots actually think that's going sell any newspapers? And what's with that lame, outdated illustration style? The copy ain't much better (sorry for the low resolution scan). Last line: "Because a little depth looks great on you." Just a little, you ill-informed dumbass Americans. Said Donna Barrett, NAA board member, about the new campaign which is being tested in eight markets:
"Literally, everyone at the agency, everyone on our committee, and then everyone on the board had a 100-percent positive reaction to that headline. It sets a fun new tone for [the industry]. Who doesn’t want to be perceived as both smart and sexy? And if you can tie the two together? All the better!”
Jesus Christ, get a new agency. Ad agency: The Martin Agency, Virginia.
Newspapers: forever terrible at advertising themselves.
Related: Magazines: forever terrible at advertising themselves.

Shit Faced Mondays Have Been Cancelled?!?

(click image, via reddit)
Nearly impossible to imagine.
Previously in: ironic/moronic signs.

It's cute little perv Dov Charney!

(click pics, via) Look at how cute that skeevy public masturbator used to be! Who could imagine, 35 years later, he'd be getting his penis licked in an American Apparel ad? Or holding a dildo in a fake street poster? Or running a successful retail business straight off a cliff? Though, that leisure suit does portend future pervy proclivities. Photos taken in the 70s by his father, Morris.

The men's underwear with a dime-size penis hole.

(click ad, via) My GOD.
Now, I could see the benefits of wearing it backwards. Compare to these scary pairs of vintage men's briefs: one • two.

Copywriting Hall of Fame or Shame?

(click ad, via) I've previously seen this ad on a phone kiosk on the Upper West Side, but didn't have a camera on me. This was snapped in Halethorpe, Maryland. Yay or Nay? I will say I bet the penman/woman of this IN YOUR FACE line is as proud as an asshole peacock. Previously in: The Copywriting Hall of Fame.

ABSOLUT HACKER.

(click ad, via) A salute to Anonymous and LulzSec, I guess? I'm also guessing not a Pernod Ricard-approved ad. Previous Absolut ads here.

Canned Got PMS? milk campaign exploited by animal rights group.

(click ads, via) Last week, the California Milk Processor Board pulled their laughably sexist campaign, a campaign the antiquated Jeff Goodby of ad agency Goodby Silverstein & Partners said "served its purpose." (Which, I guess, was to insult most every woman and man who saw it?)
Well, now Mercy For Animals is "borrowing" Goodby's slick art direction for a new Got Ethics? anti-milk print campaign that they say will launch in an upcoming issue of Ms. Magazine. Here's the website. Warning: graphic video auto-plays.

Look at this crazy headache ad!

(via)
Click it! Look at it! That is some crazy shit! Did it run? Who cares! See you at Cannes next Summer, crazy ad! And here's more: ART DIRECTORS GONE WILD! Ad agency: O&M, Jakarta.

Japan owns Creepy.

(click image) Via the Creepy Van Guy, of course. Yes, I know it's not a new photo. Maybe the owner is a sex offender, and this is his way of forcing himself to not attempt to pick up (any more) girls? Thanks to Vinnie for the tip.
Previously in Creepy Japan:
• Titty pudding packaging.
• Penis handling poster (nsfw).
• kiddie porn condom packages.

Florida paper names its Women's section "skirt!"

(click image) Jacksonville's Florida Times-Union. From this week. I guess that's better than "panties!" Via. update: Skirt® started as a magazine in 1994 (thanks Katherine).

Ashley Madison erects Weiner billboard.

(click image) A fake Weiner billboard, anyway. Otherwise, many people would've snapped it and posted it, but this is the only place online I found it. Whaddya expect from a scam dating site for cheaters? Thanks to Stacy for the tip. Previous real Ashley Madison billboards: London • Los Angeles.

Condom Ad of the Week.

(click ad) My goodness, I haven't posted a condom ad since June 20th! This one for Pronto condoms is not new, but I hadn't seen it before. The selling point is that its package is an applicator, enabling you to sheath your schlong swiftly. Here's video of how it works. The ad? Enough with the cock as cock visuals. Country: South Africa. Ad agency: unknown. Via. Previously: follow the links in this Durex chocolate-flavored prophylactic  ad featuring Monica Lewinsky to see about 50 more condom ads.

Today in EVIL Packaging.

(click images)
Wow, that girl on the right must be from Brobdingnag. Via Fail Blog, via.
Previous noteworthy packaging:
• Afro cookies.
• Russian sexxxy beer.
• Hong Kong dong pills (nsfw).
• Beavis & Butt-Head Russian dumplings.
• Japanese condom packaging aimed at 10-year-old girls.

BREASTS SELL SHOES.

The model/actor/writer calls herself: "Seeker of the truth. Keeper of the faith."
How original, a woman eating fruit. That song blows.
See: TITS! WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?

Very clever. But to be fair, that's FOUR items.

(click image, via reddit) I guess one could get a good stick on the island. But, securely tying the medal could be problematic. OK, he/she wins.

JDate: for seriously romantic Jews only.

(click ad, via) Not for silly Prince Charmings. What is that? Icing? This ad seriously puzzles me. Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Tel Aviv. Previous stops on the worldwide bad online dating ad tour: Belgium—sexism • Czech Republic—sex doll • Canada—depressing • and the US: true.com is all Tits and Bikinis • match.com—Cupid & Fate hate you.

Who Invented The Blues? The KKK.

(click ad, via) Oh, Argentina! You really know how to insult and belittle an entire race of people in one fell swoop of an asinine ad. Ad is for los inRockuptibles, some entertainment magazine. Ad agency: DDB Buenos Aires. Previously, a Brazilian ad agency used the Black Panthers to sell toilet cleaning gloves.
Previously in Oh, South America!
• Pedophilia sells Kia.
• Ugly? Use a rubber.
• Gay men are not VIP men.
• Your son's gay? Get drunk!
• If you drive drunk, you are Hitler.
• Mentos knows why you have a fat, ugly girlfriend.
• and the most tasteless ad ever invoking 9/11.

bp Oil Spill—the bikini calendar (sfw).

(click images) From the press note of the Surfrider Foundation (started by surfers in 1990 to protect the ocean and its coastlines):
"Last year's oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico left a deep impression in people's minds. To remember this catastrophe, we have a created a calendar with photos of young naiads covered in oil...This calendar, which will be offered to all members of Surfrider Foundation Europe, is also designed to help recruit new volunteers..."
I call (partial) Photoshop! Also, slimy insensitivity! All male creative team! What a surprise! Ad agency: Y&R Paris. See the rest of the calendar here.
Previous uncomfortable girlie calendars:
• The coffin cuties of Italy (nsfw).
• The Matchbox Barbie calendar.
• and the X-ray nudie skeleton calendar.
related: nine nudie Russian business calendars (nsfw).

Grizzly bear sez: "Teen meat is the tastiest meat."

(click image)
Plan your escape, alright.
This—both the attack and the contextual ad fuck-up—would never have happened under Mama Grizzly's watch. For more contextual ad funnies, start here. Thanks to Drew for the screen grab.

Would you write a letter to a man on Death Row?

(click ads, via) Well, if I knew it would be received by somebody like John Coffey, I might. But more likely, it would be received by somebody like Wild Bill Wharton. New Campaign is for Humanwrites.org. Ad agency: The Union, UK.
Related: Amnesty International's incorrect death penalty ad.

The lowermybills.com troll faces.

(click images) You, being a Web visitor, have of course seen these faces, and many more, in the last year or so. It used to be stupid dancing people, and these scumbags used to spend $75 million a year to make sure you and everybody else on the Internet saw their ads every goddamn day. I don't know their current ad budget, but their creepy ads are still quite ubiquitous.
Related: the hilariously tactless AccuQuote life insurance ads.

Jittles? (seriously NSFW)

Doggystyle the Rainbow. Consummate the Rainbow. Peter North the Rainbow. As you can see by their locked title, this is a Skittles parody directed by the L.A. team "Cousins." So, that happened. Wrigley has probably already fired off a C&D letter. No? Well, it's coming, I'm sure. After three days, the video has over 400,000 views on YouTube. Go here and here to view the real, insane Skittles commercials.
Thanks to both JC and Ryan for the tip.

How DRUDGE is covering the Norwegian massacre.

(click image)
Hm. Nowhere do we read the phrases "right-wing" or "Christian fundamentalist." Why is that, Matt?

How a Starbucks "barista" tells you to F*CK OFF.

Not Photoshopped, just Sharpie-ed.
Poor, poor baristas, targets of so much cultural criticism. Via reddit.
Note: I hate Starbucks.

Thousands of innocent people died to bring you these stupid Braun ads.

(click ads, via) "Unwanted body hair can be such a disaster." Oh, the humanity. Are you touching yourselves, modern digital slave art directors, over this painfully forced campaign? Ad agency: Impact BBDO, United Arab Emirates. Fun fact: The crispy-face survivors of the Hindenburg were shaved with Schick shavers, as explained in this heinous ad created immediately after the disaster.
Previous noteworthy shaver ads:
• "God shave the King."
• Israeli Woman in a barbed-wire bra.
• Pubes towels (Cannes Lion-winning).
• 2,800 square meter Roger Federer face.
• Shave your legs or you'll kill your boyfriend.
• and, world's smallest ad written on a whisker.

It's going up to 101º today in NYC. So, here's a 1941 ad for ICE.

(click ad, via) From Modern Woman Magazine. So much copy to sell ICE (note that it's always ALL CAPS). "More and more smart hostesses..." "Even ordinary drinking water is glamorized..." "It's the smart and correct thing to do!" Ad is by Wisconsin Ice and Coal, according to Vintage Ads. Just dump it down my pants, ICE Service Man. Related, some noteworthy ice cream ads: Racist Obama Russian ad • Pregnant nun Italian ad • Crazy South Korean commercial • and Crazy Ukrainian commercial.