Friday, December 31, 2010

Dad is a Mother(f*cker).

(click ad, from 1947, via) Look at pops, happily tying on the apron and doing wimminz work. Helen's sick in bed, you see. So the mister is using the Easy Spindrier—the one he bought with his man money—for the first (and last) time. He's fucking shitfaced, obvs. Heck, later, he might even let Helen strap on a dildo and peg his ass.
Previously in good 'ol retro sexism.
Happy 2011, 'ranter readers.

Cigaretteville is the most popular city in France.

(click ad, via) A city made of cigs! Parisians would pack up and flock there en masse overnight. Copy translation: "Each year in France, the equivalent of a town of over 60,000 inhabitants goes up in smoke. Because of tobacco." Ad is for the National Committee for Tobacco Control. Ad agency: Euro RSCG 360, Paris. Burning cigarette high-rises—wonder where they got that idea from?

Domestic Violence Wallpaper is Big in Germany.

(click ad) It really punches up the living room (*satisfied soft chuckle*). Welcome to another episode of Art Directors Gone Wild! Every fourth woman? Deutsche men, so verärgert. Here's the campaign's website, by Berlin's department for economics, technology and women(?). Ad agency: Dojo, Berlin. Previously in German domestic violence ads:
• 5" heels and stairs don't mix.
• fake beatings scenes greet X-mas shoppers.
• the award-winning interactive bus stop beating poster.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

An anti-smoking cigarette metaphor ad I kinda like.

(click ad) This is about a three-year-old anti-secondhand smoke ad for the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation; emptying out my ad cupboard here at the end of the year. At least they didn't go with the burning cigarettes as World Trade Center towers visual we've seen over and over again.
Ad agency: CHI & Partners, London.

TV spot: Europe tries to teach children about pedophiles.

(via) Via the Council of Europe, this commercial starring Kiko and "The Hand" will air in 47 countries, according to the agency press note. I...just don't know about this animation. Did ad agency Grey Amsterdam hold focus groups with a range of Euro kids? Wearing just underwear? Did some guy in a big striped hand costume provide visual accompaniment? I'm imagining the shocked look on parents' faces when their charges view this, and then start in with their 1,000 questions. Can I have striped panties, mommy? Daddy, do you touch mommy there?
Previous creepy pedophilia awareness ads:
• Pedo-Dad has an 11th finger.
Sexually branded Thai boys.
• Statutory Rape D-cupped right into our faces.

Jones soda creates trite "politically incorrect" ad.

(click ad, via) The illustration is straining to be offensive—black face?!? The copy is straining to be offensive—"It's time to call a spade a spade" (oooh). This is Jones's New Zealand launch ad. So, more "offensive" ads to follow, I guess. North America is of course already familiar with their cRaZy limited edition flavors like Dirt and Antacid. Ad agency: DDB New Zealand. update: I missed the turban'd man holding a detonator (lower left) that Jezebel noted. update 2: Jones says it's not their ad.
update 3: it is a real ad.
Previous bad soda ads:
Doing the Dew in China.
• Middle Eastern Ad Watch:
WTF, Diet Pepsi?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Link Haze, 12/29/10.

• No Baby says NO.
• Running is like war? No, it isn't.
• Stranded MTA bus gets bombed.
Photos: Soviet Union in the 1930s.
• Indian political ad backfires horribly.
• An ode to my Manhattan neighborhood.
• Jesus Reagan cradling little lamb Glenn Beck.
• Our NaziCommieMuslimPeacenikPrez (right, via).
• Jack Daniels wants women to bake whiskey cookies.

Vintage Yuletide Homoerotic Ad.

(via) Blue PJs is pulling the Ginger's large yule log. Add some "pipe-smoking" imagery. Ignore those sexy topless lady centaur reindeer in the background. The men are. Previous vintage homoerotic ads:
Arrow shirts.
WWII Scandals skivvies.

Woman without clothes used to sell notebook.

(click ad, via) She's imitating a notebook (*clever*). The Samsung SF notebook. Which is "revolutionary" because it is curved. Like a woman's body. Like any body, actually, thanks to the curvature of the human spine. Her hooha is the power button, I guess. Be nice if the agency, Cheil in The Netherlands, had translated the copy, so's we could see if they slipped in any awkward double entendres. Add it to the sex sells pile.
related: Tits sell stuff round-up.

Russian Ad Watch: your excuses for not quitting smoking are childish.

(via, via) The kids are good, especially the "after sex" boy and the "after that asshole left me" girl. The spot is certainly better than a previous Russian anti-smoking billboard that featured a baby with a cigarette ashed on his back. But it's not as effective as the wonderful anti-alcohol Hell Squirrel video.
Militant anti-smoker NYC mayor Bloomberg, who's already imported a spot from Australia to run locally, is probably paying for these kids to learn English as I type this. Ad agency: Smetana. Previously in: anti-smoking ads.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Newsflash (nsfw): Vladimir Putin signs law requiring ALL Russian companies to produce nudie calendars.

(via) The shirt-optional prime minister, who has wallpapered his office with select months from his stack of 2011 calendars, signed the decree earlier today in Moscow's Red Square, shirtless. The above spread is for Encore, a company that specializes in retail and wholesale tools. Speaking of rigid tools, click here to view six previous 2011 erotic Russian business calendars (all nsfw).

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry X-Mas, to Both Atheists and Theists.

(I post the Grinch and 'Zinger every Christmas.)
Back next week, at about half posting strength.
Peace, Love, etc.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

TV spot: Swiss newspaper mocks Obama's economic policy.

This is the TV commercial version of a print ad from last spring. Sonntags Zeitung is Switzerland's leading Sunday paper. They've been employing this nesting doll visual device in their advertising for a couple of years now, previously using it to mock short, angry Nicolas Sarkozy and figurehead George W. Bush. The Sarkozy ad is the best of the bunch. Ad agency: Advico Y&R, Zurich.

The worst Christmas gift of all time?

(click ad, via) Great idea! Hubbie will then take the loaded Iver Johnson revolver that's hanging on the living room X-Mas tree and make the evening news. Previously in the worst X-Mas gifts of all time:
• the Pope's cologne.
• a 10-lb. box of Prunes.
• the Blackwater tree ornament.

Stella Artois has killed Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

(click ad, via) Childish ad via Puerto Rico can be read a few ways: Rudy died, somehow, so Santa can't see where he's going, fuck Christmas, he's getting drunk; Santa was flying drunk, slammed Rudy into a mountain, exchanged Rudy's rack for free beers; Rudy was shot by this guy, depressed Santa is getting shitfaced. Ad agency: Eje Sociedad Publicitaria, Puerto Rico. Previous Stella Artois ads:
Cool commercial directed by Wes AndersonWoman = Beer.

Russian Ad Watch: Microlab speakers make women orgasm.

(Via. If you're at work, turn down the volume or put on headphones.) Trust me, they're faking it, I have a lot experience with the matter. Anyway, not an original idea by Microlab. I'm reminded of how Howard Stern used to tell his female listeners to sit on one of their stereo speakers, and he would then stupidly attempt to make them cum by making vibrating sounds into the mic. So: Just the latest reminder that in new Putin Russia, EVERYTHING SEX.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Link Haze, 12/22/10.

• Sweater snake (yikes).
• Perfect visual for a facebook ad.
• Dell coffee house flash mob (ugh).
'• A collection of Christmas-themed ads.
• Periodic table written on a human hair.
• Target: gay-friendly stores, anti-gay CEO.
• Snoop Dogg's Twas the Night Before Christmas.
• Brooklyn balcony from the Twilight Zone (right).

PISS-vertising via Turkey.

(click ad, via) Well, yes, energy drinks do taste like piss. Applaud the copy-less ad. Deride the utter stupidity. Yes I know: "Suspend belief." I did. It's still piss-poor advertising. Ad agency: DDB Istanbul. Previously in: PISS-vertising. Related: My urine art vs. Andy Warhol's. Related: Depends ad with grandma smashing a piñata.

When Lawyers Advertise: NYC edition.

Local personal injury firm Trolman Glaser and Lichtman is back with two more spots in their mildly humorous TV campaign. Here, it's the familiar, pathetic gutted sports fan. He's holding a little soccer stress ball but since this is New York, "Mets fan" pops into one's head.
Again, I applaud Trolman for foregoing the absolutely awful animal metaphors that a ridiculous number of major law firms use in their ads. But while the concept here is OK, the executions are lacking. The spots ache for better acting and much better writing. Here's the 2nd one with a woman complaining about a song stuck in her head. And here's Trolman's previous two spots from last spring.
Ad agency: The Levinson Tractenberg Group.

Is this UK PlayStation Ad Racist?

(click ad) England's puritanical Advertising Standards Authority has banned this advert for the PlayStation Move game controller after eight Brits complained that the visual was too violent, according to Brand Republic. Two of the complainants also called the ad racist, pointing out that the white gamer was hammering the shit out of black computer character. Sony UK did not accept the complaint, saying that the two combatants just had "slightly different skin tones." Correct. Everybody knows that tattooed gym rat computer characters fake bake religiously. Note: hideous layout. Previous banned UK ads:
The Last Exorcism.
Italian tile ad with Geisha bondage.
Car trader's booby "nice headlamps" poster.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Eating Disorder Ad of the Week.

(click ad, via) Let me take you inside, briefly, the probable creative discussion held over the crafting of this dramatic ad for Israeli non-profit Beitech, an organization that supports women with eating disorders:
creative #1: Let's make utensils look like prison bars!
creative #2: Uh, they're not long enough.
creative #1: Fuck that, we'll cheat it.
update: male hands with nail polish digitally-added?
Previously, Beitech made an inappropriate pallbearers joke of an ad.
Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Tel Aviv.

(cool) Disposable Chopsticks Tree Installation in Shanghai.

(click image, via) Wow, this was pretty damn industrious. The China Environmental Protection Foundation, via their ad agency DDB Shanghai, recycled 30 thousand pairs of chopsticks and built this five-meter high tree, broke it, and placed it in a busy district of the city. Copy translation, according to the agency press note:
"Our trees enough to feed us only another 20 years. Every year, China produces 45 billion pairs of disposable chopsticks which equals about 25 million trees. According to this rate, forest will disappear from China in 20 years."
Volunteers handed out reusable chopsticks at the installation site. Impressive.
Previous Green Chinese ad stunts:
• (nsfw) billboards with big asses placed over industrial drain pipes.
• Pedestrians unwittingly create leafy green tree in Shanghai crosswalk.

(nsfw) Russian Shipyard's Female Flotilla 2011 Calendar.

(click images) This is it; this is the last one of these ubiquitous Russian erotic business calendars I'm posting (until next December). Craneship is a shipyard located near the Black Sea. The calendar was shot in a water tank in a studio in Kiev. The water was warm, in case you were concerned. They did one last year, too. Add it to the naked pile (all nsfw).

Monday, December 20, 2010

the worst toy ever invented.

(via) "It's a what?" It's a Swing Wing! It's a new thing! Made by Transogram, "where the fun comes from!" Also: spinal cord damage! Have fun getting that ditty out of your head. Related: the violent-est toy ad ever. Related: x-mas evil thread.

Link Haze, 12/20/10.

• Britain's fattest robin (via).
• Pocket guide to vagina euphemisms.
• "authentic" crown of thorns: $49.90.
• Harry Potter and the full blood erection.
• Roa's street art is pretty cool (one, two).
• this Red Bull can design looks better, yes?
• best new tumblr: kim jong-il looking at things.
• Stupid advice: How to become a male porn star.
• nice art direction on this UK drunk driving campaign.

Watch a Ukrainian commercial with a man with squirrel hands.

(via) This is just so bad, that...I kinda like it. It's for some snack called Nuts Trio. It's божевільний! (crazy, in Ukrainian). "...the whole world was in my squirrels." Ad agency: Adventa Lowe. Here's a round-up of 12 previous CrAzY! commercials.

Iver Johnson Revolvers—"safe to hang on the Christmas tree."

(click ad, from 1906, via) Loaded. In households with young boys. Absolutely.
Previous wonderful Iver Johnson ads:
Husband or tramp?
• "Papa says it won't hurt us."

Tis the season to wax your whisker biscuit, ladies.

(click image, via) It's Pussy Day on copyranter! Frilly Lilly is a "sanctuary of girliness" with several locations across Canada. Ad agency: Crackerjack, Calgary. Previous waxing ads:
• V is for Vagina Victory.
• Naughty Nads™—Twat The Hell?
• digitally skinned cat, beaver, and cock.
• ladies, tear off a pubic hair phone number.

Poster: The Vagina Dialogue.

(click ad, via) Via Malaysia, a most unusual poster placed in gyms, dorms, and other locales where gals gather, urging them—eventually, at the end of all that copy—to get regular pap smears. But, before you get to that most important of points, The National Cancer Society of Malaysia gets all up in your "southern sister," with talk of Kegels, giant members, and even lost items. Pretty racy. Doubt you'd see something like this in the US. Is it effective? I don't have a "silk igloo," so I can't really say. Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Malaysia. Previously in: VaginaVertising.

Dead Comet Dead Cupid Dead Donner Dead Blitzen.

(via) Oh, so sorry if I gave away the unforeseeable ending of this shocking, edgy video Christmas card by Dutch ad production company Cake Film. "NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED," screams Cake in all CAPS on their YouTube page. Spiritless concept aside, you should have produced better gunshot wounds. You're a PRODUCTION company. And where the fuck is Rudolph?
Related: Rudolph the Dead-Nosed Reindeer.
Related: the Blackwater X-Mas tree ornament.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Link Haze, 12/17/10.

• Saggy pants garter belt.
• It's the Trojan Triphoria.
• The DickiLeaks condom.
• Parish hall sign from hell.
• Old Spice parody, iBanker style.
• Retouchers ad is mildly interesting.
• Repeat: in NYC your door is not yours.
• Should guys groom their pubic hair? A debate.
• Don't believe in global warming? How bout this?
• Something about the price tags (above) is...bothersome.

(slightly nsfw) Victoria's Secret model disrobes for science.

(click ad, via adrants) Marissa Miller dons some Cons and nothing else to support the NYU Cancer Institute and Marc Jacobs's Protect The Skin You're In skin cancer awareness effort. She joins other trolls in the campaign like Heidi Klum, Winona Ryder, Naomi Campbell, Posh, Turlington, Swank, et-fucking-cetera. (sigh) Just once, in one of these horseshit celeb erotic PSA stunts, I'd like to see somebody like, oh, J.K. Simmons take it off. Said Miller about the shoot: "I thought wearing my Chucks was better than heels, right?" Shut-up, sk8r grrl. Related: Marc Jacobs gets Dakota Fanning to give him the "about to be raped" look.

I'm now sharing all my posts on facebook.

If that's how you'd prefer to follow me, here's the link.

Cumming Soon: Ron Jeremy Rum.

(click image) Sorry, Ron de Jeremy rum, the "adult rum." A white rum, it would appear. Probably with a cloudy viscosity. It's the bottle to stick between Salma Hayek's Campari breasts. Get on the waiting list here (via). Related: Jimi Hendrix electric vodkaJustin Timberlake's sexxxy tequilaDave Schultz wine.

The Social Media Choir presents: "Please Retweet Me"

This is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. The UK's Drybrook & District Male Voice Choir has, uh, rejiggered the Engelbert Humperdinck classic, "Please Release Me," into a ghastly social media site song. Most of the cool kids are in there: facebook, digg, (no reddit!) foursquare, bing, flickr, blogs, (no tumblr!) myspace, even fucking bebo. It's for a good cause: the Please Reweet Me url leads to The Meningitis Trust facebook page—go there and watch a behind the scenes video. The men are adorable.
Agency: Renegade Media, produced by Atticus Finch. Mark Zuckerberg will soon be blasting this ditty on a loop throughout his offices.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Merry Christmas, from Playboy.

(click ad) I don't know the who or the when or the where, although I'd guess that it's almost certainly not Brazilian (nsfw). The ad was part of a big holiday ad round-up on earlier this week. Previously in bushy pussy in ads:
Twat The HELL?
V is for Vagina Victory.
Hair of the infected dog (nsfw).
Adult movie theater's 8mm bush.
Ladies, tear off a pubic hair phone number.

Link Haze, 12/16/10.

• The Big Tronbowski.
• The account executive.
• Steve Jobs, Big Brother.
• Alternative metal cockatoo.
• Yorkie + snow = cute-gasm.
Delicious Daniel Craig (right).
• Here's the Tracy Award winners.
• Jesus Christmas, that's ridiculous.
• The Diddy team fucking with subway signage.
• An agency self-promo ad that sucks slightly less than usual.
• Fired Harrods employee gets some sweet revenge (update: is fake, apparently).

Sanitary napkin brand does WiliLeaks-vertising.

(click image, via) Billboard in Karachi, Pakistan for Butterfly pads. Well. Blood probably will be spilled because of the WikiLeaks. (*satisfied chuckle*). Previously: Australian yogurt brand's illicit Julian Assange testimonial ad.
Ad agency: RG-Blue.
thanks for the tip, Tom)

Today's technology TV spot for three-year-olds.

(via) For Belgian broadband cable company Telenet. FAT MAN=BIG FILE, right Daddy? Ad agency: Duval Guillaume, Belgium. Previous Duval Guillaume ads: sleazyreally sleazy (nsfw) • and absolutely idiotic.

Lady Gaga biography promoted in your local meat case.

(click image, via) Well, in local Australian meat cases, anyway. If you somehow don't know why an ad agency (US Sydney) would place tags hawking Gaga's "Just Dance" in the meat cases of Aussie butcher shops and supermarkets, look at this. Hachette publishing is a client of the agency, so this is probably a real stunt. How widespread of a stunt is questionable. Done mostly to win shiny ad awards, not to actually sell books.
This is not the first time meat cases have been used for an ad stunt—Last year in Luxembourg markets, they were used to promote human trafficking awareness. Previously: Britney Spears Lady Gaga.

(nsfw!) The 2011 Russian "Spill The Wine Take That Girl" Nudie Calendar.

(click images) If you thought the lyric was "drink" that girl or "dig" that girl, you are apparently wrong (as was I). Anyboob, Simple is one of Russia's largest wine import and distribution companies, according to Black and white is classy, yes? We have some light sapphism this time so, there's that. (sigh) This avalanche of year-end nudie calendars is actually getting kinda tiresome, Russia.
I need some Viagra. Previous Russian erotic business calendars (all nsfw): NAFTA oilAltay tiresAeroflot airlinesGross plumbing supplies.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Bizarre Vintage Tokyo Subway Poster of the Day.

(click poster, from 1979, via) Here, a reminder to stay behind the white line while waiting for the train. Hm. It looks like these two undersized Sumo grapplers are actually locked in a mortal battle to see who can throw the other into the path of the oncoming train, or onto the third rail. Maybe the translation helps. Previous bizarre vintage Tokyo subway posters:
Don't be a seat Nazi.
Jesus prays for your lost umbrellas.
Don't crush the Buddhist nun, bigfoot.
imaginary Santa says don't be a drunk.
Your discarded gum has disabled Superman.

TV spot: Israeli model wins sucking contest; gets to swallow white goo.

The product is Milky, "the perfect combination of smooth chocolate pudding and whipped cream." The model's name is Sandy Bar (not her porn name, apparently). Talk about your ad phallicism (more examples here). What else needs to be said? Related: the Viagra blowjob party favor. Thanks to Yisrael Medad for the tip.

I hate kids, cont.

(click images) No, not your adorable planet killers. Let's take a break from ad mockery, and switch to another subject I detest: babies. These lovely European baby-mocking postcards from the early 20th century warm all four chambers of my icy heart (not as much as this pic does, though). They're from a new book called "Babylon Surreal Babies" by James Birch (see more here). Humans? ADOPT.
Previously in: I Fucking Hate Kids.