please help me pick out my Comme des Garçons outfit for Spring/Summer 2011.

(click images, via) Paris Fashion Week just concluded! And my favorite designer, Rei Kawakubo, really outdid herself this time. Her skull/alien head(?) skirts/shorts motif really talked to me. Trés contrary! Being an NYC ad guy, I just must stay on the fashion tip. But, being a modestly-paid ad guy, I can only afford one outfit. So unfair! Won't you help me choose? I need something to complement my two incomprehensible Comme des Garçon shirts.

today's tongue-y billboard.

(click image) Well, it's actually from 2007, but I hadn't seen it before adme.ru posted it this week amongst a rundown of double billboard executions. It was erected on Kyber Pass Road in Auckland, NZ to promote the Mars "chilled" bar. Kiwi and Aussie ad agencies have erected some of the most invasive boards in recent years. There was the Kill Bill billboard in Auckland that soaked parked cars with blood. The scary fake swine flu alert one in Sydney. The bleeding boy face board warning against driving too fast in the rain. And the bulging package billboard in Auckland promoting the HBO show "Hung."

7' 6" Yao Ming lifts American investor up where he belongs.

(click ad twice, badly scanned from today's WSJ) The Houston Rockets center (who is nine feet tall in this illustration) is joined be fellow hoopster countrymen, including inept 6' 11" Washington Wizards (as of yesterday) big man Yi Jianlian (far right). The ad for GMC—an "all-star" team of Chinese manufacturers—was part of a special Chinese advertising page in the first section of the paper. Doing business these days in the economically-exploding People's Republic is a 灌篮 (slam dunk)! (Just a bizarre thing to see in the WSJ, or anywhere really.) Previously, here's a roundup of eight bizarre Chinese ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Oise Language School.

These three ads are INSANE. (link)

Kit Kat jumps on Wimbledon opportunity.

(click ad, via) Kit Kat's UK ad agency JWT London says they had this poster comped within an hour of the finish of the longest professional tennis match in history. The next day, last Friday, the inside joke poster was driven around the All England Club's grounds by three "ad bikes"—to the amusement of thousands of tennis fans. Not a brilliant execution, but it didn't have to be. Timing + Setting = Game Set Match. Previously: Kit Kat creates maybe the best website ever.

spoons ARE love.

(click ads, from 1949-50, via) "After sex, can we spoon, honey?" Do you love your silverware? Not nearly enough, you don't. Post-war spoon fetishism via a series of ads for Community silverplate flatware. Middle left woman looks dead. Previously: using Listerine shaving cream caused mid-20th century men to cream their pants.

(nsfw) Tom Ford eyewear: crows attack bird's nipples.

(click images, via) Images from Ford's upcoming fall/winter ad campaign, shot by the designer. Such a well-trained stuffed bird (the crow, I mean)! The bird (the model, I mean) is Freja Beha Erichsen. Previously, Ford has used middle finger biting, tit-fucking, pussyvertising, and cock-grabbing (nsfw) images in his ads.
You will be sexualized.

the dumbest ad I've ever seen?

(click ad, via) I think so. And, I've seen some really dumb ones. I've even tried turning off the frontal lobes of my brain, and the badly Photoshopped hockey players using luggage image still doesn't make an ice shard of sense. Via Comma Communications Creative Boutique in Seoul, South Korea.
Shut-up, South Korea.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: anti-animal testing.

This video for the German Animal Welfare Association won a Cannes "film craft" gold lion last week. (link)

Stomach-churning Ad of the Week

(click ad, via) In a previous disgusting campaign, GlaxoSmithKline antacid brand Eno covered a pig corpse in powder. Here, via Ogilvy in Singapore, view the stomach contents of someone who has eaten (without chewing) way too much broccoli. And what are those houses made of? Wafer cookies? What the hell kind of a meal is that? I need a Pepcid (ad works!) Anyway, this won an outdoor silver lion last week at Cannes. An art director sure had some fun with that visual, as did the designer of these sushi Concorde and Porsche creations for Dills digestive mints. Click here for previously posted Cannes 2010 winners.

I am 5 today.

Five years ago today, copyanter left the vagina of its mother, the Internet. In celebration of the absolute supreme waste of time it's been, here's five of the most controversial, most commented-on ad posts:
• smoking = 9/11.
• Gwyneth Paltrow is African.
• The New King of Blowjob Ads.
• The most sexist beer ads ever produced?
• Bacardi sez the hot summer accessory is an "Ugly Girlfriend."

Shave your legs or you'll kill your boyfriend.

(via) Blind online video with a sign-off url, school-of-date.ru, that takes you to a Russian website for the Gillette Venus shaver. It won an award at last month's Prague International Advertising Festival. Low pages views, so it hasn't gone "viral." I'm only posting it because it's pretty racy and dark for a P&G brand.
Previous razor ads: Edge. Dull. The Fusion: a review.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: CNN AC360º.

Dreamy Anderson Cooper's new environmental series is sponsored by...Dow. No possible conflicts of interest there. (link)

They have Hooters in Guatemala?

(click ad) Yes, this is a Guatemalan ad for the titsy chain that won a bronze lion at Cannes last week. The ad is camouflaged so that "you girlfriend doesn't find out that you are coming to our Happy Hour." The Q stands for "quetzal," the Guatemalan dollar. Well, how clever. Maybe too clever? If you were paging through a magazine, and weren't in need of power tools, wouldn't you flip right by it? For more Cannes 2010 winners, click here.

The latest from American Apparel's crack ad team.

(click ad, via) AA ad currently running in the French issue of Vice that's advertising, I guess, thongs. Translation: "Human Pyramid." But what does it mean? The graininess. The mirror shot. The dirty feet. So fucking depressing. Since his company is in trouble, does this ad conceptualize the pants-optional CEO's current mindset? French philosophy students, please interpret. Previous AA conceptual ad. Previous AA Thong ads (nsfw). And, previous AA French ad (nsfw).

English soccer fans, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

(click images, via) Future written. Nike put up this pre-World Cup sculpture, riffing off of Mount Rushmore, on Cromwell Road in London. Taking the place of U.S. presidents were Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand, Theo Walcott and James Milner. I would not be surprised if a few hooligans were—as I type this—already destroying the bloody fuck out it after England's 4-1 loss to Germany this morning. Here's the video of the making of the monument, which includes footage of non-factor Rooney getting his mug cast. Previous World Cup 2010 ads/promos: bebe—the unofficial ugly slutty dress of World Cup 2010 • Hyundai—the official ugly stupid car of World Cup 2010.

Link Haze, 6/25/10.

• CHAOS.
• "Don't taz my Granny!"
• $250,000 carbecue in Brooklyn.
• Fucked-up fashion shoot of the week.
• Darwin Award winner via The Ukraine.
• Feds make major border bust in Arizona.
• woman collects 32,000 teabags over 11 years.
• today is the day to turn your cursor into a sequined glove.
• In Russia everything sex! Including commercial property development.

The fourth winner from Cannes 2010 that I like.

(click image) Cannes 2010 design silver lion winner by Auckland ad agency Colenso BBDO for Alzheimer's New Zealand. Erasers were hollowed out and fitted with USB memory sticks. On the reverse side is Alzheimer's NZ's logo and website. They were distributed to local politicians and appropriate organizations to increase awareness. So perfectly simple—though why it doesn't read Alzheimer's "erases" your memories is strange. All charities and non-profits need a great leave-behind like this that isn't immediately tossed in the garbage. Previously in: Cannes 2010. Previous smart promo items: J&R Music World Chinese menu • Jontex condom umbrella • Iams barbell disc Frisbee • massage therapist's business card.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: World Wildlife Fund.

Rhinos and elephants and polar bears and whales tagged by graffiti artists. (link)

Jacko's dead moonwalking legs turned into tribute ribbon.

From last July, by BBDO for MTV Germany. Here's the print version. I guess these ribbons weren't actually produced, because that would have been kinda creepy. Anyway, happy MJ death day.

baby poopvertising.

(click ads, via) More from Cannes 2010: bronze lion-winning ads by Leo Burnett Hong Kong for the organic baby food of Organic Town in Kwun Tong. Yes, feed your little shitbeasts Orchard Fruit Peekaboo (L), or Grandma's Turkey Dinner (R), and they will produce turds that smell like the great outdoors. Well, they might come out green, but, judging from personal experience, I'm thinking organic baby movements are going to smell like an old outhouse sitting in those diaper fields. For more from Cannes 2010, search here. Previously in: poopvertising.

I see dead people.

(click ads, via) What's funnier than Olds about to be Deads? Nothing! Fucking old people, just die already, so that we young UK fauxhemians can waltz into the London Shock and Soul vintage clothing shop and scoop up your discarded duds, wash the fucking disgusting old smell out of them, and then wear them, ironically, to the next Japanther show. Oh, this campaign just won both a press and outdoor silver lion at Cannes 2010.
Previously: I see (fake) dead people • POM sees dead people.
related: geezerJock magazine.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ray-Ban.

Continuing with their oxymoronic "Never Hide" "viral" video campaign, the sunglasses company parodies "Reservoir Dogs." It's not terrible, but it could have been so much better. (link)

Before Blendtec, there was the Universal Food Chopper.

(click ad, via) Ad illustration magic from the year 1890. Yep, just crank the handle and start grinding up the pigs and cows and turkeys and chickens and lambs and lobsters and running carrots and coconuts with legs and what the hell is that green thing lower right? Previous disgusting vintage food ads: Speef? • Stouffer's turns spinach into a puke brick • Which of these Spam ads is more mouth-watering? • And, the two most disgusting recipe ads in history (one two).

Toronto Smart Car promo would not have worked in NYC.

(click image) Gotham's hubristic cutting edge thieves would've smirked at this stunt, and stolen the cute oversized bike lock inside of 10 minutes after it was installed. Just ask all the New Yorkers who thought for sure they had their street-parked bikes "securely" locked. Anyway, another noteworthy winner (outdoor bronze lion) from Cannes 2010 created by the Toronto office of BBDO. The agency moved this installation around to various high visibility spots in the city.
Previous cute Cannes 2010 winners: Polo mints • Supor non-stick pans.

(seriously nsfw) In new Russia, stewardesses stripsearch selves.

(click images) Not to be out-sexed by their competitor's bikini jet-wash video, Aeroflot, Russia's largest airline, shot this calendar last month to be given as a gift to their (male) VIP fliers. Apparently, this is a calendar for 2011(?), and Aeroflot is not happy that the pages have been leaked to the Web, according to adme.ru. Ha, you're probably seeing it before Putin does. Everything in Russia sex! Plumbing (nsfw) sex! Tires sex! Car insurance (nsfw) sex! Sausage sex! Vodka sex! Beer sex! Even Burger King sex!

The third winner from Cannes 2010 that I like.

(click image, via) Am I getting soft (uh, NO)? Hey, this was a smart cheap little stunt performed by JWT London last December for their client Polo mints—it just won an outdoor gold lion. Taking advantage of a country-wide snow storm, agency creatives produced stamps that perfectly replicated the candy in snow, and hit the streets. You could argue that the total audience for the effort was low, but free media is free media. Previous Cannes 2010 winners that I like: one, two.

Once again, Cannes judges don't know their ads from a hole in the ground.

(click poster) Remember last year? Well now, Diesel's "Be Stupid" poster campaign just won the outdoor "Grand Prix" lion at Cannes (six more posters from the campaign here). The sheer strategic stupidity of the ads was perfectly illuminated here in NYC by an inventive subway tagger. Fucking idiotic industry big shots. (I used to judge some ad awards shows, but stopped getting invited because I usually killed everything I saw.)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Amber Watch Alert.

Why wouldn't you want to watch a video of Moms shooting all kinds of big fancy guns in slo-mo? (link)

The second winner from Cannes 2010 that I like.

(click ads, via) By the Brazilian office of mega agency Dentsu, this poster campaign for Lunivers chocolates with whiskey just won an outdoor gold lion. How the hell they got these ads approved—both by the client and by any media outlet—is very suspect. I mean, what mom/dad hasn't thought of giving their screaming baby some alcohol to calm the little lunatic the fuck down? Another reason to try the product, I guess! I really only like these because I hate kids. Previously: The first winner from Cannes 2010 that I liked.

Spirit Air goes there.

(click images) Having previously endorsed offshore drilling , muff-diving, and cheap MILFs, the low-cost carrier goes even lower with their latest website promo campaign. The consistency of their tasteless marketing voice is to be admired, if nothing else. Previous discount airline efforts:
• the Ryanair charity bikini calendar.
• Air New Zealand sez no "forking" in skycouch
• Russia's Avianova saves money by hiring bikini models to clean its jets

The first winner from Cannes 2010 that I like.

(click images, via) If you don't work in advertising, you may be unaware that the industry's biggest annual autoerotic event is going on this week in Cannes. The winners were just announced in the "Promo and Activation" category, and this one via China, for Supor non-stick pans, was one of the few I hadn't already seen; it won a bronze lion. The Shanghai office of Leo Burnett set up a giant wok outside shopping malls in the city. A ramp was placed behind it where skater boys and girls dressed as prawns, fish, pork, eggs, and carrots created the illusion of cooking non-stickiness. Pretty fucking cool. update: here's video!
Stay tuned for more Cannes winners that I like—though don't hold your breath. Previous Cannes winners I've not hated: • French Aides Foundation • Energizer • Viagra • Belgian radio station cow pie seat • Midea fans • Sagami condoms.