Friday, September 30, 2011

Is this office woman's erotic fellating of a Popsicle sexual harassment?

(via Creativity)
The Association of Finnish Lawyers knows. Or, at least they will, after studying the surveillance tape for hours, days if necessary. They will also watch hour after hour of office blowjob porn scenes. They will force the accused woman to recreate the act on a dildo, for comparison's sake. Then, they will tell you if the Popsicle Incident was in fact sexual harassment. Then, you will get reamed by their bill. To troll many more law firm ads—most of them laughably bad—click here.

Tom Ford sniffing fragrance strips pulled out of a naked woman's butt (nsfw).

(click image, From the latest Russian GQ, via Jezebel)
Why? Because Ford is the edgiest fucker in fashion.
He put a fragrance bottle over an oiled woman's bald pussy (nsfw).
He sells eyewear by shoving a middle finger in a woman's mouth.
And he sells menswear with a naked woman grabbing a man's cock. (nsfw).
You are so much less edgy than him, you should just give it up already.

I've deleted the post that was here because it greatly upset one of my readers who hates me, but keeps on reading, for some reason.


Finland is home to the wackiest McDonald's ads.

(click ad, via) A pig's snout made of cheese? Ho-kay, you crazy Finns. Previously, the same agency, DDB Helsinki, produced this udderly ridiculous ad for McDonald's milkshakes. I mean, it is a wonderfully simple graphic ad that I will add to my Ads that make Art Directors Touch their Genitals archive. But, thinking of pig parts that might be in my bacon combined with that fake-looking cheese ain't appetizing at all. Related: The disgusting McDonald's finger fries ad via Brazil.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's your sexxxy 1970s underwear ad update.

(click ads) FUNTAWEAR! Roller Disco! Coke and Cock! Black guy's got the ruler pair, of course. "Here I come!" "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" It was a time when men were lions, and everything was shaggy—even the Love Rug™. You wore Cannabis cologne, and it was always Time To Fuck. The 70s. I was a tad too young to get laid in that decade, maybe you got some of that musky action?
Ads via Mitch O'Connell (thanks Vinnie).

Pic of the Week: Real Doll owner support group.

(click image. via reddit)
three commercials starring sex dolls.

Hey copyranter, what are T*TS selling today?

(click ad) They're stupidly selling a stupid morning show on a stupid Edmonton radio station. Add the ad to the tit-pile. Thanks to Ruby for the screen shot.

Russian Pepsi Max ads are умалишённый (insane).

(click ads, via)
I kind of like them, they're nice fun little puzzles. That is one strange-looking character, though. They were just shortlisted by the judges at the Moscow Advertising Festival. They're certainly better than the inane "Field of Dreams" Pepsi Max spots currently running here in the States. Ad agency: BBDO Russia.
Related: the strangest cola print ads ever, via Germany.

WTF Japan: The creepiest McDonald's video ever.

If you're already creeped out by that psycho clown (who isn't?), this piece of film will make you shit your pants faster than a quarter pounder. Love the floating logo and creepy, chanted tagline (translation please?). This is even creepier than when Andy Dick dressed as Ronald for PETA. Via WTF Japan Seriously, of course.
Related: Russian Ad Watch: Carl's Jr. murders Ronald.

The new Lynx interactive blowjob video (sfw).

Sorry to give away the surprise. Anyway, if you don't want to watch it all the way through to get to your interactive instructions, just start the video, click the progress bar, and then press the 5,7,3, and 8 keys, in that order. The effect is called "shortcut scrubbing." The responsible agency, Razorfish, says it's the first time it's ever been used in an ad. So, congratulate them.
It's not the first time a blowjob has been insinuated in an Axe/Lynx video: that would be this one via Latin America. For 12 more Axe/Lynx Effect ads, go here.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Classroom of the Future, according to Japan.

(click image, via reddit) If only.
Beat those fucking kids, machines.
Living Room of the Future
(as envisioned in 1979).
Technology of the year 2000
(as envisioned in 1910).

New Paris subway etiquette posters are wonderfully goofy.

(click ads, via) A turnstile jumping frog? HA! Anyway, RATP, Paris's public transport operator, wants the Frenchies to stop acting like animals on the Metro—specifically frogs, sloths, bulls, and, llamas. Do llamas spit a lot? And hey, they rhyme! Note: posters have been translated to English for publicity purposes. I'm assuming the copy rhymes in French, too? Ad agency: Publicis Conseil, France.
update: here's the French versions.
Previous subway etiquette posters:
• Tokyo, modern day.
• Tokyo, vintage posters.

Brooklyn bp station sign hacked by TrustoCorp.

(click image)
See more of their recent Brooklyn street hacks here.
Previously in bp:
• bp oil spill—the bikini calendar.
• New Orleans tourism ad laughs off the spill.
• bp needs help with their post-spill ad headlines.
• bp's cutesy-wootsey alternative energy logo.

Have you seen this ridiculously sexist JC Penney commercial yet?

It hasn't gotten very many views. I've had it bookmarked for awhile. Sociological Images weighed in on it a couple of weeks ago.
For you younger readers, the woman is actress Phoebe Cates in a scene from the 1982 film "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." In the scene, Judge Reinhold's character is sitting on the toilet masturbating while dreaming of Phoebe coming out of the pool and removing her top. Cates was about 18 years-old at the time.
Nice way to catch the attention of 40+ year-old horndog sports guys, I guess—using video of a girl about the age of their daughters. Not sure how well it's gonna sell Van Heusen clothing, though. At least it isn't deviously subtle?
Related: Here's 19 of the most sexist ads from the last six years.

The copulating robot window displays of a Moscow department store.

(click images) Snapped at Central Universal Store, one of the largest department stores in the city. Note the "oil" splotches. I don't see Saks Fifth Avenue doing something like this anytime soon. That's because in Putin Russia, everything sex! Here in America, we get the stupid Svedka Fembot. Via sketch turner.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

America: Canada's shorts.

(click image, via reddit)

Look at this crazy 3-D Mini billboard!

(click image, via)
It's crazy! A lizard tongue snagging some sort of bird!
Expect Big Things! I don't get it. It looks cool, though.
Ad agency: WCRS and Co., London.
Previous 3-D Mini billboards: MoscowMilan.
Related: four more Mini ads from around the world.

WTF Fashion Ad of the Week: G-STAR's "man riding a barrel"

G-STAR's arc pants are "3-D" jeans with a drop crotch and asymmetric legs. So, before trying on a pair, you should be dragged around straddling a barrel for a while. Putting "arc" on the barrel—client's idea? Shot by Raftfilms.
Previously: the G-STAR five-story glory hole billboard on Houston St.

Today's ad where somebody dies.

Via India, I don't know the ad agency. If you do, please comment. Cute monster. But what does bottled water protect you from, exactly? Choking and dehydration, I guess. Read more about the spot here. You usually only see someone die in drunk driving or drug awareness spots. But here's another commercial, for a hair growing formula, where a man with a bad toupee falls to his death.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Fart pants ad is a rip-off.

(click ad. Sorry this is the only copy I could find, just posted on Creativity.)
DONE! Two years ago, by DDB Shanghai for pocket air fresheners. This ad is for the 3M Filtrete air purifier. Guilty ad agency: Creative Juice, Bangkok. Stealers! STEALERS!
Related: a Fartvertising round-up.

Did you see the Carlsberg anti-biker "viral" video yet?

It's already been posted several places, but seeing as this is the slowest day ever on copyranter, I thought I'd try to get some feedback about it from you, the smart reader. Me, I think it's an interesting "new media" stunt. Now, what Carlsberg will reap from this stunt besides a couple million YouTube page views, I have no idea. But I'm sure Belgian agency Duval Guillaume could provide me with a detailed white paper of that, right guys? See many more video ad stunts here.

Twitter fanatics—here's a stupid infographic for you.

(click image, via adverblog)
Anybody got any bad/good ads? It's a slow day. Beyoncé was the Twitter event of the year, so far. December 21st, 2012 can't get here fast enough. Previous Infographics: Douchebag copywritersPathetic graphic designersEvolution of the Ad Exec.

American Apparel Ad Watch: the half nipple of sad Steffi (nsfw).

(click ad) Sad Steffi, last seen sadly modeling AA Riding Pants sans shirt (nsfw), here soullessly flashes a lonely half-nipple in a sad AA denim ad. She makes me miss the stupid sleazy Diesel denim ads.

Horrifyingly Disgusting Vintage Food Ad of the Week.

(click ad, via) I know it's extremely early in the week, but I'm confident this will out-horrify any subsequent vintage food ads I find. I'm trying to imagine the burning shit Damon Runyon took after consuming this meal. I do love these old two-color food ads.
Previous Horrifyingly Disgusting Vintage Food Ads:
• the meatloaf puke bowl of 1963.
• the lemon tuna barf soufflé of 1955.
• the lime Jell-O and seafood thing of 1954.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Is this the greatest typo of all time?

(click image, via twitpic)
Four previous funny typos here.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

What is a Spanish government official doing butt-naked in a bus ad (nsfw)?

(click ad via reddit)
He is Nicolás Chica, the Secretary General of the Union for Small Farmers and Ranchers in Granada. Copy translation: "Consuming Fruits and Vegatables of Spain is...Natural. And those of Granada Exceptional." Here's the TV spot from the campaign, where he is also naked. I'm assuming this effort was in response to the e-coli scare there earlier this summer. But I'm now scared in a different way. Note the big cucumber on the left. The Spanish are known for randy political ads, for example: This graphic boob-groping poster (nsfw), and this socialist TV spot which equated voting to orgasming. (turn volume down if you're at work).

Friday, September 23, 2011

Protest Duck!

(click photo)
Snapped in Santiago, Chile during a protest against that country's high insurance rates. AFLAC! No, it was actually a rally against the government's public education system, according to Buzzfeed. I love ducks. Sorry, but this is what you get on a Friday afternoon. Related: Gilbert Gottfried radio script for the Fleshlight.

The most BORING lingerie commercial ever.

I've never hated an ampersand more. This is also the most boring entry ever in the TITS: WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL? archive. Client had to love the production bill, though. Ad agency: Glow, Berlin. Via. Update: Scarlett & RHEET?
Here's six previous lingerie videos, all sexier than this one, some nsfw.

Creatives sign work contracts at TBWA\Chiat\Day.

(click image) "Iconic" work, whatever that means. Apparently all the creatives at the agency's L.A. office signed this thing, according to the commenters at Agency Spy. Nobbie Kim is a new creative director at the office. Even if it is a piss-take, it's still very sad.  Update: it is not a piss-take, read the full story here (thanks Vinnie).
Related: Back in 2007, the Creatives in the New York office of TBWA\Chiat\Day dressed up like Mad Men before it was cool.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Target's "Sneeze Whisperer" is quite creepy.

(click image, via reddit)
I think I'll just suffer, thanks.
Related: Target's terrorist target billboard.

Playboy Brazil ads are really stupid.

(click ads, via)
Yes, nekkid pictures of girlies are melting a businessman and a casually-dressed man (Gotta hit both demos). The ads were created to promote the 36th anniversary issue (August) of the Brazilian edition of the dying magazine. Ad agency: Neogama/BBH. For the second time this week, I must say: Shut-up Brazil.

Previous Playboy ads: Porn at workBushy pussyPlayboy TV in ChinaWet t-shirt billboard (nsfw) New typeface: Playmatica (nsfw).

Link Haze, 9/22/11.

• cat gif.
• Dam graffiti.
• AT-AT pancake.
• The Prostate Czech.
• Bootleg movie posters from Ghana.
• Is asshole Mr. Opportunity finally dead?
• The Hathaway shirt man is back. Sort of.
• BMW gave golfers motor oil scented cologne.
• Russian spy Anna Chapman with a sniper rifle.
• NYC conceptual "artist" Paul Richard's latest "work."

The craziest, saddest ceiling board commercial you will ever see.

From 2006. Ad agency: Publicis, Thailand.
Poor lizards. I love lizards.
Not insurance-selling lizards, though.
Here's 12 previous crazy commercials.

Sex trafficking awareness ads a tad too graphic.

(click ads, via) But then, they're via Singapore, sleazy ad capital of the world. So I would expect the creatives working in their ad agencies to be very informed about the sex trade. However, how these layouts will do anything to help the cause is a mystery to me. They would make good posters for a sex trafficker trade show.
Ad agency: BBDO Proximity.
Here's four previous sex trafficking ads from around the world.
Previous sleazy ads via Singapore:
the most sexist beer ads ever.
• "My secret to beautiful skin? I swallow."
the infamous Burger King blowjob ad.
Dead stacked woman WonderBra TV spot.

Art Directors/Designers: here's your f*cking mantra.

(click image)
You can buy it here for $35. I like the line about computers. It would look better with my finger avatar as a ghosted background. I'm too old to get that fucking excited anymore about my "craft." Via AdVerve. Previously:
• the Art Director's checklist.
• A day in the life of a pathetic graphic designer.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Today's road sign from Hell.

(via reddit)
Given those choices, I think I'll make a left. Near Surprise, AZ.
Previous funny Arizona signs:
Dickman's Meat.
Tucson Rush Limbaugh billboard.

This is a pretty funny ad.

(click ad)
Shot in Leeds, England by Eva.
Eight previous funny ads.


(click ad, via)
Specifically, 3-D TITS.
Dammit, her TIT keeps disconnecting my calls.
Ad agency: Y&R, Paris.

Gisele Bündchen kills feminism dead with two lingerie ads.

(via) Update, 9/28: the Brazilian government wants the spots banned.
Two new :15 commercials for Hope lingerie use two of the most insulting cliches about women as punchlines: They can't drive (above), and they can't control their spending (below). Spots were created by two time-traveling Brazilian creatives from the 1960s, I presume. Ad agency: Giovanni+Draftfcb, São Paulo, Brazil. Previously: Man would rather watch TV than fuck Gisele Bündchen.

The latest "diversity" ads of the lily-white ad industry.

(click ads, all scanned from Adweek)
The September 12th print issue of Adweek featured a special advertising section for the 2011 ADCOLOR® Awards. Several ad agencies jumped at the chance to create a piece of communication that attempted to convey that they're not houses of exclusion.
Top Left—TBWA, an agency with a "creative" reputation (Skittles, etc), creatively created a run-on diversity word. It gave me a honking headache trying to read it. Grade: C-.
Top Right—DraftFCB, an agency with a questionable reputation when it comes to race sensitivity in ads, honored their CEO honoree with an ugly, unsubtle LABEL metaphor ad. "Street smart." Terrible. Grade: D-.
Bottom Left—Wieden+Kennedy, an agency with a creative reputation (Nike, Old Spice, etc.), went with an ironic "white" ad in honoring their CEO honoree. It at least acknowledges that the ad biz is "diversity-challenged," but white Dan is "changing things." They didn't list any of those things, I presume, out of respect for the ad's black space. Grade: C+.
Bottom Right—BBH, another agency with a creative reputation, wins the diversity-off. Create something unarguably pithy, and get the fuck out of there. Grade: B.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A message to all lazy-ass account executives:

(click image)
Via a French copywriter, who adds:
Like many people, somedays at work, i’m really fed up with co-workers briefing me at the corner of a table in a really messy way telling me: ‘You’ll see it will be quick, it will only take 5 minutes’… This what I think about it :)

Is this any way to promote a Swedish horror film festival?

The violence should have been more realistic, not Monty Python-esque. Also, hillbillies? Really? As the son of Appalachian Trail hillbillies, I am...not at all offended by this. The videos are for the Elmsta 3000 Horror Fest, Friday in Stockholm. Part two of the carnage below. Agency: Saatchi & Saatchi, Stockholm. Previously: Spanish horror film festival promoted with bloody facebook like button.

Creative Wedding Invitation of the Day.

(click images, via behance)
But "tie the knot" is such a depressing phrase. Visualizing it is actually even more depressing. But good luck, Lois and Cris, you lucky lovebirds. copyranter note: copyranter tied the knot in July. Related: finger penis birth announcement card.

Next stop on the sexxxy Viagra Ad World Tour: Finland.

(click ad, via) Not a new ad, but new to me. I don't really get it. Artificially inflated dick trumps inflated title? I did get this previous Finnish Viagra ad.
Ad agency: TBWA/PHS.
Previous sexxxy stops:
Russia (straw metaphor).
New Zealand (decent).
Canada (funny).
Toronto (BJ party favor).
NYC (Viagra missile).
Kenya (horny, buff furries?)
South Africa (Cannes winner).
China (thermonuclear sperm).
USA (the Viva Viagra Whiskey Dicks).

Classic 1986 head lice ad.

(click ad, via)
And Susan looks like she's pretty pleased about the epidemic she's about to hatch. What a little bitch. Related: disgusting Head & Shoulders NFL ad: It's the Miami Lice vs. the Detroit Dandruff.

Star Wars fans: Here's the largest lightsaber in the world!

(click images, via)
Nerdlingers the world over are apoplectic over changes George Lucas made to the new Blu-Ray release of the films. Maybe this will assuage some of their grief. Last Thursday, as part of a global effort by Lucasfilm to promote the release, London's famous BT Tower was converted into an impressive Jedi warrior weapon. There there, man-boys, stroke your own little lightsabers and think of Leia/Han.
Previously in Star Wars things:
Darth Vader and Yoda made of fontsDarth Vader, Slave Princess • and the strange Darth Vader McDonald's ad.