Toilet seat left up = 100 carat diamond.

(click ads, via) As does, leaving the cap off of the toothpaste. Hey guys, don't you love being reduced to stereotypical slobs, especially in a fucking diamond campaign? As a man who commits neither of these egregious household offenses, I can't relate, but I can still fume at the sexist strategy employed by the Rio office of ad agency Euro RSCG for their client Jota Art Jewelry. And no, I do not "forgive" you fucks just because of the beautiful art direction.
Time for a shameless diamond ad-off. Vote in the comments.
• These.
• Diamonds make men funny again.
• Australian jeweler exploits solar eclipse.
• Diamond brand promises monogamy to the power of 100.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Citizen Control TV.

UK organization equates government CCTV with Nazism. (link)

Classy Citroën exploits Eyjafjallajokull.

(via) Eyjafjallajokull-tising is volcano-hottt! First, Bayer in Romania did it. Now the French automaker goes there in a new TV spot to promote Citroën Select, their used car division. I didn't translate the copy, but don't really need to. The commercial says, essentially, before you buy a disastrously-bad used car, see us. I don't know the guilty ad agency, but maybe you guys can work the Gulf of Mexico oil spill into the 2nd spot? I bet you can.

(nsfw)

(click ad, via) Part of me thinks 'Photoshopped fake.' But a much bigger part of me, the part that grew up in the 70s, thinks 'of course it's fucking real.' Check the copy: "Every 30 seconds, (2880 times a day) this...gold watch will flash "TIME TO FUCK" on the dial face." The suave men who sported this piece on their wrists probably also owned this rug, this phone, and these hangers.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: TRAX magazine.

Here's a French spot featuring a young man puking out of his ear. (link)

Google Image search "American Apparel Ass Crack"

(click ad, via) You might see yourself there now, anonymous butt girl! Also, here are a few of the pioneering models, handpicked by the pants-optional CEO, who paved the way for this big moment in your career: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. This ran in the Silicon Valley region, so I guess it's AA's version of a "tech" ad.

now this is how to organize porn on your desktop.

(click ad, via) Headline: "Protect your kids from nudity." Anybody got any "Hortensia" pics? She's unfamiliar to me. Folder babe here has been created by Austin, TX ad agency Latinworks to promote Parental Control Bar, "the complete internet filtering system." Well, parents, if you're going to block adult sites from your horny young sons, the least you can do is organize a sexxxy folder creation like this that they can squint at and wank to. I'm kidding! Boys, do your homework, play Playstation baseball, and don't look at bOObies! Or, fisting.
Previous security software ads:
• Microsoft Defender vs. MEGAWOMAN.
• Super creepy Norton internet security ad.
• Creepy Mr. Zombie Zipperhead for Spector Pro.

Reporters Without Borders Torture Despots With Photoshop.

(click ads, via) That'll show 'em! Saatchi & Saatchi Paris created these ads for the worldwide freedom-fighting organization celebrating their 25th anniversary. "Only a free press can hurt them." I don't know about that. Maybe if you could slip the Iraqi shoe-throwing journalist into Iran or North Korea, and he then aimed better, he could do some facial damage. Also: embargoes. Previously: help Reporters Without Borders end daycare violence.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: MTV Belgium.

Rabbits fucking while wearing t-shirts with the names of various music stars on them. (link)

Sexist Ad of the Week: Flirt Vodka.

(click ad, via) Special Russian (update: Bulgarian) promotion: for a limited time, for every case of Flirt empties you return to your local liquor store, you'll receive a free pair of knee pads. Seriously, what the hell, here? Can one of my socialist readers translate the copy, please? Ad was part of an adme.ru post "100 sexist advertisements" of recent years, a post that included the most obscene use of scrunchies ever in a print advert. Vodka brands are of course well known for employing overtly sexist imagery. See: Skyy, Svedka, Georgi, Belvedere, etc.

Creepiness and Childishness clash in virility tablet ads.

(click ads, via) He now has a big cock that stays up all night. Scary Photoshop campaign via the Mumbai office of Publicis for world-renowned Dr. Morepen®'s Exygra penis pills. One old guy is watching porn or Cinemax late night I guess, while the other is apparently spying on his disrobing neighbor. Enzyte's Smiling (Lying) Bob still takes the creep cake, though. Previously in CockVertsing.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Illinois Council Against Handgun Violence.

The hot fashion item for Chicago kids this Spring: vests. Bulletproof vests. (link)

(via) Now that's some black comedy. Cinestud 2010, Amsterdam's international student film festival, concluded April 4th. This was the trailer for it, conceived and directed by Alain Friedrichs. Previous film festival ads: the Breast Film Festival. And, Spanish short film festival promoted with public pissing.

An AK-47 clip is maybe not the best visual for a self-promotional ad by a Namibian ad agency.

Just sayin', Advantage Y&R (via).
Previous clueless ad agency self-promo ads:
• The Gate leads nowhere.
• Y&R NYC thanks me for screwing you.
• DDB brands itself with mismatched Boobs.
• Strawberry Frog's solution for your marketing problem? A red beret.

The latest from American Apparel's crack ad team.

(click ad, via) My five-year documentation of the pants-optional CEO's sullying of poor Helvetica continues. I've found that their in-house Helmut Newtons have two go-to concepts: Nipples and Ass Crack. This month: it's again Ass Crack. Sapphically-charged, grainy Ass Crack. Artsy.

"I DIDN'T CATCH THAT—I HAD YOUR BLOOD IN MY EAR!"

(click ads, via) Absolutely gruesome, but effective? Previously, we've seen a bloody cellphone visual used in a bloody awful texting and driving PSA. This is the first time I've seen the safety message aimed—not at the blabbing driver—but at the enabling talkee. The campaign is via India for the Bangalore Traffic Police by Mumbai ad agency the Mudra Group. The retouching work is not the best, but the ads do get the message across as plain as the digital blood on their faces.
Previously in extremely bloody ads:
• American Psycho.
• The Red Cross Eye Bank.
• Auckland Kill Bill billboard.
• Tamayo Museum of Contemporary Art.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Smoking Skills.

Well, this is certainly the most entertaining anti-smoking video I've ever seen. (link)

Srsly Richard Stengel: a f*cking tomato?

(click image) No, I didn't read the Time article to see if it delved into Goldman's position on H.J. Heinz. But, If I had presented this hackneyed of a visual to my boss, he would had crumpled it up and threw it at my face.
Previously in: srsly Time?

Space Chimp finally returns. He's sad.

Music video/"viral" video collaboration (via) between the World Wildlife Fund, Leo Burnett in Sydney, and Ben Lee, featuring Lee's track "Song for the Divine Mother of the Universe." I apologize, but I find this more humorous than touching. That's because I immediately thought of the hilarious Carl Pilkington trying to convince Ricky Gervais on his HBO show that the space chimps were trained to operate their capsules by way of onboard automatic banana dispensers. Previous WWF ads.

why does Israel hate Elvis...and George Michael?

(click ads, via) Ad Puzzle of the Week. These are for Autan mosquito repellent by the Tel Aviv office of DraftFCB. OK, because of the "since 1958" copy line, I get the Elvis reference. But, why is/was the dead King of Rock & Roll a pest to the Jews? Was he anti-Semitic? Is George Michael? Btw, the only reason I or anybody would know the 2nd mosquito is Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou is because the agency titled the ad with his name.
Previous Ad Puzzles:
• HSBC.
• WonderBra.
• Feels® Lube.
• Mangaloo juice.
• Retro Ad Puzzles.

Ugly? Use a condom.

(click ads, via) These couples are Visions of Hideousness according to condom maker Olla. Advertisers? No matter how cartoonish you make the people in your haha ugly people ads, the strategy is insulting and a mistake. Note: to me, the men in these ads got hit by the ugly stick much more than the women. South American Condom Ad Month continues here on the 'ranter. Here's the third ad from the campaign, by ad agency Age Comunicação. in São Paulo, Brazil.
Previous Olla condom ads by Age:
• Penal Sperm.
• The cutest climax-delay condom ad you'll cum across.

Eyjafjallajokull-vertising!

(click ad, via) One Corbis stock photo + one product shot = ad done by 12 year-old boy. Son, headline is unneeded. No, it was the Bucharest office of BBDO that banged out this badly Photoshopped aspirin-capping of Iceland's ash-belching volcano for their client Bayer. According to the press note, it was placed in travel magazines and on billboards on the way to local airports. Previously: Iceland Air's ironic ash-face man NYC subway poster.

Link Haze, 4/25/10.

• Napestache.
• ChinVertising.
• Plastic coffee lids art.
• Jury's still out on "jerp."
• Animal talks to Shepard Fairey.
• Stay classy, Arizona lawmakers.
• 15 unintentionally perverted toys.
• This (right) should be Law in NYC.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: UK condom campaign.

The UK government targeted teens with "real graffiti" magazine ads. (link)

Happiness is other people's children.

(click ads, via) It's South American condom ad week on copyranter. I know, I post condom ads too frequently (search condom). Well, if you don't like it, go fuck yourself (with a condom!). Here, via Y&R in Buenos Aires, The Tulipan brand eschews the popular bullshit better sex sell, and delivers the practical anti-life message that we're not allowed to mention here in the US of A. Nice photography. The previous Y&R Tulipan ad was idiotic.

Forex trader also redesigns the $100 bill.

(click ad, via) The Moscow office of foreign exchange trader FxPro has embarrassed poor dead Benjamin even more than the U.S. Treasury did earlier this week. Hey Commies—leave our cabbage alone. By Moscow ad agency Freeger. Previously: Abe Lincoln getting a blowjob from a Deutsche Mark in Bontrust spot.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Axe Earth Day Video.

"Showerpooling" (sigh, head shake). (link)

Ironic Earth Day Marketing: A Recap.

To honor the 40th anniversary of earthlings celebrating destroying the Earth, here's a roundup of recent eco-stupid Green Marketing ads/promos (image via):
• Toyota SUV ads printed on banana leaf.
• bp's cutesy-wootsey alternativenergy™ logo.
• Bottled water company lectures me on plastic bags.
• To read World Water Day promo, you had to waste water.
• You wouldn't be stupid enough to make treehuggers out of cardboard.

Scary Photoshop of the Week.

Top half of an ad (click it) for Spector Pro internet monitoring software scanned from Computerworld magazine. This is what often happens when tech companies do their own advertising: classy, multi-colored type, clean layout, and Mr. Zombie Zipperhead here. Previously in Scary Photoshop.

This week in climax-delay condom Spermvertising.

(click ad, via) This must be a South American thing. Two weeks ago, via Brazil, we saw an ad for Olla Prolong condoms with an illustration of idle sperm playing chess, solitaire, the guitar, etc. Here, via Lima ad agency Mayo DraftFCB in an ad for Zensex condoms "con retardante," the bored spermatozoa are putting together a model airplane. There are no original ad ideas any more, blah blah, etc.
Previously in: Spermvertising.

1965 CockVertising.

(click ads, via) "You're more of a man in Male® Scrubbed Jeans." Only $4.95! Back in the free-love 60s, The "Male" brand of "soft as a cheek" men's jeans was in a heated unsubtle sexist faceoff with Broomsticks polyester slacks and their Gang Rape Ad Series™. Winner? Open your mouths, ladies, oh, they are already.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: 13th Street.

This is certainly the violent-est stationery you'll ever see. (link)

I see (fake) dead people.

(click ads to read copy, via) These executions for the UK's St John Ambulance—a charity that teaches first aid—have been out for a few days, and have been universally gushed over by the taste-making ad blogs. Photographer Nadav Kander shot these fictional serene death portraits for London agency BBH. Well, they certainly take the fake testimonial to a new macabre place. I guess using real recent accident corpses was out of the question—a good make-up artist can work miracles, though. Won't someone please think of the (fake dead) children?!?

(nsfw) T*TS SELL HIGHLIGHTER.

(click ad, via) Newsflash! Well, they've been used to sell hamburgers, sausage, aperitifs, muffins, mushrooms, graphic arts biennials, and even ad agencies themselves. But, I think this print ad by Peruvian agency Mayo Draft FCB for the Layconsa brand highlighter takes the copyranter prize for the most gratuitous use of tits to sell something. Winner winner, chicken breast dinner.

Creepy anthropomorphised box of Grape-Nuts removes corpse from bed.

(click ad from 1905, via) Previously the muscular Grapey, wearing gladiator sandals, was seen forcefully steadying a small-headed business man. Here, he apparently worked nights as an EMT.

Short Film Festival promoted with PissVertising.

(click ads, via) The Mecal International "bladder friendly" Short Film Festival ended Sunday. Above are two ads that ran in the Spanish edition of Vice promoting it. On one hand, I politely applaud the pushing of the creative bladder by Barcelona ad agency Atletico International. On the other hand, I gently sigh at the fake cheap visual joke.
Previously in: PissVertising:
• China introduces the VW GTI "PP".
• Romanian police invite drunks to piss a straight line.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ché magazine.

To celebrate its 10th birthday, the Belgian lad rag is offering men "blowjobs." (link)

JP Morgan offers investors Financial Ad Cliche #17.

(click ad, scanned from the latest CFO) The investment arm of JPMorganChase becomes the 100th financial advertiser in history (estimate) to go with the 'ol oyster and pearl stock photo. Congrats, creative thinkers. These are the kinds of minds I want handling my company's money. At least they didn't go with bears or bulls or the lemons/lemonade insight. Or talking babies. Or, King Kong.

Aids, war, hunger, hope...and Bulgaris.

(click ad, via) Paul David Hewson's photosensitive eyes are shamelessly exploited to sell sunglasses by Indian company Lawrence & Mayo. L&M is probably hoping that the sloppy blowjob delivered in the body copy will stay the Bono legal team. The center illustration—guitar in one hand, baby in the other—is just ridiculous. Previously: Topographical zombie Bono used to promote Irish economic development.

The most obscene use of scrunchies ever in an ad.

(click ad) Russian ad site adme.ru today posted 100 sexist advertisements of recent years. I'd seen pretty much all of them, and had even posted many of them previously. However, this doozy from 2007 for a hymen tightening gel was new to me. Ad agency: The Classic Partnertship in Dubai, UAE. Previously in hymen tightening gel ads: "Ever wonder why there's a gap in your relationship?"

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Fleet enemas.

The leader in the $30 million at-home disposable colonics market is targeting the gays with a new pre-anal sex product line. (link)

A little whiskey in the milk is fine though, right?

(click ad, via) Servicy baby-feeding ad via the Chicago Health Department, from a 1910 issue of Hearst's International. Sausage, candy canes, coffee and beer "will poison your baby." The baby illustrations are simply marvelous. Stupid Second City mothers. Previously in baby-safety PSAs:
• Janie's got a gun.
• Easybaby does it!
• Never Shake A Baby!
• Today's lesson: the "C" words.

Link Haze, 4/16/10.

• Her name is Kelly.
• 20-foot Warhol head piñata.
• Most ridiculous trophy ever?
• Dirty Harry sez: don't do crack, punk.
• Police sketch of a 63-year-old sex perp.
• Tweety Bird Binn's thought of the week.
• Maverick will get your drunk-driving ass off.
• Young woman snorting heroin through a tampon tube.
• Penthouse Bulgaria turns a woman's eye into another slit.
• NYC challenge: find a payphone that's intact and not bloody.