Stare at this ad for 20 seconds—does it work for you?

(click ad, via) The zit-spots kept coming and going, and never fully disappeared for me. Plus, now I have a fucking headache. Conclusion: OXY doesn't eliminate pimples and gives you a headache. Also: I don't have 20 fucking seconds to waste staring at an ad, dickwads. Ad agency: Ogilvy, Johannesburg.
Here's two better optical illusion ads: a trippy one for a Calgary hemp store,  and a vibrating one for a sex toy seller.

Blonde giving a blowjob on YouTube.

(via adland) Of course it's the blonde giving mouth-to-dick, because blondes are fucking bimbo idiots. If you care, the spot is for Jack & Jones jeans, who've shamelessly adopted the proven Axe Hot Babes Will Want To Blow You marketing strategy. If it gets pulled from YouTube, here it is on vimeo.
Previous Jack & Jones spot: man whines about becoming a fuck toy.
Related: The Pink Keyboard for Blondes.

HUMONGOUS roadside kids promote Hot Wheels in Mexico.

(click image, via) They look like they're hoping for head-on collisions. And as distracting as this installation is, they might see one! This is a real thing! Cute! And definitely potentially accident-causing! See the video below. Ad agency: O&M Mexico, who previously built a Hot Wheels big boy on a pedestrian bridge.
Related: The Matchbox naked Barbie calendar.
Previous BIG billboards:
• very bloody Kill Bill billboard.
• Hung bulging package billboard.
• drunk driving obelisk made of 80 wrecked cars.
• Hyundai's Times Square Sumo wrestler blowjob billboard.

Link Haze, 3/30/11.

(image via)
• Nutella street art (?).
• Toxic Waste bubble gum is toxic.
• AIDES Smutley the Cat video (nsfw).
• That's not crayon in that coloring book.
• The Bronx Zoo cobra is a star and is tweeting.
• German girls using vodka-soaked tampons to get drunk.
• Gayest fashion ad ever? Sorry Choire, this one is way gayer.
• Videos of the Day: Robots playing catch; shiba inu dials down bark volume on command; and this condiment cleaner will freak you out (watch til the end).

"Banned" Belgium dating site video is insanely sexist.

The Femme-o-matic! But even beyond the terrible sexism, it's just so badly written and directed. And—in what is becoming a popular cheap traffic-seeking move—it was probably only "banned" by the clueless doofuses who made/posted it. OK, which ad is worse? This one? Or this Czech spot where a sex doll commits suicide?

New Skittles "interactive" spots are mostly a Big Whiff.

The exception is the above "Heartbreak the Rainbow" one. Very funny. The cat/catman one is mildly strange. But the other three in the campaign are just stupidly stupid. You can see them here. And you can see five previous batshit insane Skittles spots here. Ad agency: TBWA\Chiat\Day BBDO Toronto.

FEMEN protest corruption with cupcake boobies (nsfw).

(click images) Why cupcake booby tattoos (with nipple cherries)? Your logic doesn't apply here, MALE. The protester's name is Valentin Ogirenko, and she is protesting something about former Ukrainian president Leonid Kuchma being implicated in the murder of journalist Georgy Gongadze. "No gain No pain" is written sub-boobs, for some reason. Read more about it (translated) here. Previous FEMEN protests:
• Japan supported by six boobs (nsfw).
• Ban from facebook protested with six boobs (nsfw).

Gratuitous ad penis is very gratuitous (sfw).

(click ad, via) Papercut is an edgy Swedish entertainment retailer. So, they're of course running an edgy ad campaign. Edgy. And Douchy. This is a bus stop execution in Stockholm, so I guess edgy Swedes are taking the time to read about the tiny penis. If you think you're edgy enough, you go ahead and read about the tiny penis. These types of anti-ad ads can be very entertaining if they smartly tie into the product. This one does not. Here's the first edgy ad from the new Papercut campaign, which is even douchier. Ad agency: DDB Stockholm.

Mercedes-Benz becomes the one billionth advertiser to use Einstein in an ad.

(click image, via) And they don't use him intelligently. This makes me want buy a Mercedes how? This left brain/right brain thing is the brand's new tenuous creative linchpin, at least in Israel. Earlier this year, M-B produced one of the most depressing commercials I've ever seen. Ad agency: Shalmor Avnon Amichay/Y&R Interactive Tel Aviv. Previously: Alberta Einstein.

Is this the strangest beer commercial ever produced?

(via) Yes, it is. Compare it to this crazy sexist one. But, that's Toohey's thing—to be Strange. Why not?—what are you gonna say different about fucking beer? Spot is from 2007. Ad agency: BMF Sydney. Related: if you like your spots Strange, here's twelve more of the strangest commercials ever produced.

New Anti-Abortion Billboard Exploits Obama.

(click image, via) Life Always, the same anti-choice group that erected this ghastly billboard last month in New York City, is putting up this board today on State Street in Chicago. The group says they plan to put the board up in 30+ locations. It'll be interesting to see if our Pro-Choice President responds—legally or otherwise—to this illicit Bam Branding.
Related: a world tour of illicit Bam Branding.

Do you wanna be my facebook "friend"?

Click here. Please know for sure that we won't be "friends." But I post my links on facebook, if that makes it easier for you to read them. I also post them on twitter.

New MTV safe sex print ads are very cute.

(click ads, via) Yeah, all the revered Internet arbiters of cool stuff seem to love these "sex is no accident" ads via Germany. I guess I like them, too; it's a good idea. Though: I'd like to see what R. Crumb would do with this assignment. Ad agency: Grey Germany. Previous MTV safe sex ads from around the world:
• Pubes Posters (nsfw).
• Chewing Gum = Sex.
• Vintage porn AIDS ads.
• Fucking lamps don't need condoms.

Is there a subliminal "Fuck" in this Calvin Klein billboard?

(click images, via) CBS New York thinks so. Eh. Maybe. Probably not. I don't think CK's that clever. Calvin Klein has been erecting controversial five-story images at this Houston St. site for years now. Previously, they displayed a steamy 3-on-1 orgy and the biggest shiniest naked black man you've ever seen. Note: the model above is Lara Stone, last seen being raped on a CK billboard.

Link Haze, 3/28/11.

• 21 "Blasters."
• Projectile vomit art.
• Logo nerds, here ya go.
• Eight badass protesters.
• Kerning lesson of the day.
• Manhattan during Earth Hour.
• a moment all of us are waiting for.
• How to make love to a Trans person, in poem form.
• Videos of the Day: Watch the tsunami obliterate the town of Kesennuma in five minutes; Man puts 2,747 toothpicks in beard; Dog opens fridge, eats pizza; and baby cheetah.
(Image via. Time for a new logo Pepsi!)

Branded cat litter pillows complete with cat shit.

(click image) If you have a cat (we do), this will make your nostrils involuntarily flare. The line reads: "Kills odours from right under your nose." The pillows were apparently created just for a pet care trade conference in Australia back in 2008. Ad agency: Clemenger BBDO, Melbourne. Earlier this month, Catsan released an ad in Italy claiming that their litter keeps your box odor free "for over 20 days."
BULLSHIT.

Vintage Ad of the Week: Screaming Fauxhawk Baby sez get a phucking phone!

(click ad, via) Bell Tel ad from a 1938 issue of Scientific American. Copy highlights: What happens "if I have a nervous breakdown...or a burglar comes along." This baby is more hipster (with the hair and the outfit and the whining) than all of Williamsburg Brooklyn combined. Related: Here's seven more of the best vintage ads of all time.

Russian Ad Watch: Flavored condom ad features a cop holding a huge dildo, for some reason.

(via) For "Sico" flavored condoms. Very sicko, it appears. ANI or another Russian reader, please translate. update: see comments for translation, which is strange.
Previously in Russian Ad Watch: The Sausage Man will haunt you tonight.

AXE presents the BlowJob Towel.

(click image) Back in 2007, to promote their shower gel product in the United Arab Emirates, Axe gave gyms these ridiculous branded towels to hand out to their patrons. Well: if you wrapped the towel backwards, it actually became a Rimming Towel (or a Reach-around Towel). Speaking of which, those hands look pretty manly to me, just sayin'. Ad agency: Lowe Mena, UAE. Previously: the Axe Blowjob Commercial.

Premature Ejaculators embarrassed by soccer game advertising.

(click image, via) If you're a football (soccer for you non-appreciative Americans) fan, you're familiar with the added time sign raised near the end of halftime and before fulltime. Well, Durex in Thailand is using this medium to promote their Performa condoms—which feature the painkiller Benzocaine which theoretically desensitizing your raging chubb. You will be sold to, Minutemen.
This media buy garners Durex maybe a three second TV spot twice per match—though if you don't know the Performa product, you're probably not going to get the intended message. Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Bangkok.
Previous Durex Performa ads: WTF does this ad mean?
Related: the cutest climax delay condom ad ever.
Related: the 2nd cutest climax delay condom ad ever.

Eat yogurt. Blow your brains out.

(click ad via)  Suggesting putting guns in mouths—no matter how obtusely executed—is maybe not a keen idea—especially in depressing Poland! And the shotgun-spoon is just a bizarre, forced visual. Danio is a Polish Dannon product. Ad agency: Y&R, Warsaw. Previous bad yogurt ads:
• this woman hasn't shit in three days!
• Finally a manly yogurt for badass men.
• Britney Spears "endorses" Aussie yogurt.
• Julian Assange "endorses" Aussie yogurt.

Tiger Woods is a sex addict, even on newsstands (PIC).

(click image, via reddit) Hey ladies.
I got a 9-iron with your names on it.
Previously:
Tiger shows up in an Indian mattress ad.

American Apparel Ad Watch: Totes & Tits (nsfw).

(click ad) Well, actually the pants-optional CEO (who's now being sued by several former female employees for sexual assault/harassment) may have a point with the nudity this time. In a tote ad, you don't want a model's clothes distracting from said tote, right? But you do want a model showing off how to carry said tote. But then, you could've made sure the model's nipples were always covered by said tote. I do feel this is a baby step in the right direction though, Dildo Dov. We all know you love your nipple ads (all nsfw). The model looks so happy, doesn't she?

Russian Ad Watch: Sausage Man will haunt you tonight.

(via) I don't even know what the fuck. She eats his meaty ear. For some company called Meat Empire. Nothing phallic here. Previous sexy Russian Sausage Ads:
Devil's sausage lures angel-nymphs, God himself, to Hell • Sausage Tits billboard. 
Update: see comments for translation!

This is a very strange way to sell hand cream to women.

(click ads, via) The ads are translated from German, but you get the overly contrived idea—don't let your hands get old like these outdated devices. The vibe of the layouts/photoshoots is bizarre. And the over-art directed typefaces aren't working at all. I don't know, the ads are just strangely depressing.
Ad agency: JWT Germany. The skincare category has seen some strange ads, like:
• Make your knees look like boobs.
• Aging process halted by punctuation.
• For skin so sexy, it has to be pixelated.
• Her secret to beautiful skin? She swallows.
• Racist skin-whitening cream ad via Indonesia.
• Fake boobs used in bust-firming cream ads (nsfw).

Miss Turkey sells turkey burgers in turkey of a spot.

(via) Sexism and fast food go together like the shits and fast food. Yes, that's Gizem Memiç, Miss Turkey 2010. Carl's Jr. continues with their Big Idea of burger porn started with Hilton and continued with Lakshmi. "And that's just the way it is." Cracking copy line, that. Here's behind the scenes video where Creative Directors say stuff. Of course, the spot just had to be shot in South Africa.
Ad agency: David & Goliath. Previously in sexist fast food ads:
• Burger King's notorious blow job ad.
• Arby's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue tit joke ad.
• and the King visits Russian steam bath with topless babes.

SPERM JEANS.

(click image, via reddit) Or Jism Jeans, if you prefer. Guys! Don't you hate that annoying after-drip after sex? Or: do you love it so much that you'd alter a pair of your Levi's like so? Own your baby-making virility. What lady wouldn't want to sit on your lap now? Previously: five pairs of horrific 1970s men's pants.

Link Haze, 3/23/11.

(image via)
• Morrissey sez Just Do It.
• 1970s porn movie posters.
• Vida Guerra's vegan ass for PETA.
• (nsfw) sick TV spot for Polish radio station.
• Alex Bogusky tweet-claws Ad Age in the face. Meow! HISSSSSS.
• Videos of the Day: every bone ever broken by Steven Seagal's lazy karate;
—and pole dancing for Jesus.

The funniest Dirt Devil commercial you'll ever see.

(via) It's probably a well-produced spec spot, even though it's on a Dirt Devil UK YouTube page. Created by the same Manchester ad guys who yesterday brought us the shitty fake Pledge ad and the sexist fake feminine hygiene ad. These are coming out now because the fake ad Chip Shop Awards entry deadline is near. Previously: Skin your pet alive with the Bissell pet vacuum attachment.

FEMEN protest ban from facebook with nudity (of course).

With a new version of the three monkeys pose, members of the Ukrainian feminist group give Mark Zuckerberg a little what-for. In a post titled Zuckerberg vs. Boobs, FEMEN leader Anna Gutsol said this about the banning (translated):
"The Internet is less than coping with the role of a refuge for freethinkers and more implants bans and censorship, where they are not relevant."
Already banned from YouTube, the group promises to take "appropriate action." So, more creative nude poses tk.
Previously: FEMEN support Japan with harakiri sword, six boobs (nsfw).

Russian Ad Watch: First official Viagra commercial.

(via) At least, it appears to be the first one. You're not allowed to mention prescription drug names in TV spots in Russia. What to do? You steal a 2006 Viagra spot from Saudi Arabia, add terrible music and the website get-hard.ru. As you can see, the little blue pill is represented here by the hard blue straw. And the pussy (or asshole) is of course represented by the lid hole. And the unheard squeaking sound as the straw goes in and out of the hole would represent bed springs. I envision an increase in painful soda cup lid masturbation attempts. Meanwhile in America, we still have the fucking Viva Viagra! Whiskey Dicks.
Related: here's eight Viagra print ads from around the world.

The worst/best anti-abortion ad placement imaginable.

(via reddit) If the heroic House Republicans have their way, a return to the back alley days is a-comin'. This bit of maybe ironic, maybe intentional disgusting-ness comes via Cincinnati, Ohio, cry-baby John Boehner's home state. Younger females, don't get it? Ask mommy. update: Photoshopped—look at the end of "Choose".
Previously:
• Russian abortion-buster posters.
• heinous NYC anti-abortion poster.

Vintage Ad of the Week: 1919 French laxative ad is magnifique!

(click ad, via) Just look at those Jubol shit scrubbers cleaning your colon—barefooted! How courteous of them! I hope there isn't a fecal bomb coming down the poop chute. French readers: please translate any interesting copy in the comments. Previously:
• the most magnificent vintage beer ad ever.
• the most magnificent vintage vodka ad ever.
• the most magnificent vintage cigarette ad ever.
• the most magnificent vintage bathhouse ad ever.
• the most magnificent vintage anti-smoking ad ever.
• the most magnificent vintage food chopper ad ever.

No, THIS is the dumbest ad I've ever seen.

update: Yes, I understand it's not a produced ad.
update #2: it's a 2010 Chip Shop Award winner.
So, non-ad people, it's MEANT to be stupid.
(click ad, via) Note: you can, in fact, shine shit. This ad is via the same brilliant UK ad guys who did the feminine hygiene ad I posted earlier today. Time for an Ad Dumb-Off! Which ad is dumbest?
This Pledge one, or:
• this condom ad.
• this World Water Day ad.
• this Israeli instant coffee ad.
• these domestic violence ads.
• this Portuguese bookseller ad.
• or, this Korean Samsonite ad (my vote).

Bath & Body Works makes accidental sex joke.

(via reddit) Or maybe it wasn't accidental?
Related: The Gap needs to Google "pegged."

Dutch ad students create ads that make fun of the Japanese disaster.

(click ads) For some unfathomable reason, I told "Jo den Koek" and "Piet Tiet" (not their real names) that I would post these spec ads without comment. Said "Jo" about the campaign for Fatboy lamps:
"We wanted to do something people had never done before and that's use a disaster like the tsunami in Japan in an inhumane way. A brand would never do this as it wouldn't lead to any sales but we're students, we can do anything."
I don't know what they're teaching kids these days.
Other students—DON'T send me your spec ads.
Commenters, have at them.
Previously: Argentinian ad school perverts create nudie Barbie Matchbox calendar.

This is what happens when men create a feminine hygiene ad.

update: No, not a client-approved ad.
update 2: removed by request, but you can find it here.
femfresh wipes will give your hoo-ha that new car smell that men really dig (The product apparently doesn't really smell like pine.). And yes, the creative team here is all men. The no-copy layout is nice. Ad agency: The Raft, Wilmslow, UK.
What do you think, female readers? Cracking idea?
Previous noteworthy pussy care ads:
• Goodbye Bush.
• TWAT the Hell?
• hairless beaver.
• V is for Vagina Victory.
• put a starship up your vagina.
• Ladies (and Gentlemen): PINK!
• the mooncup for your netherlands.
• the Kotex Beaver from Down Under.

Link Haze, 3/21/11.

(image via)
• Exactly.
• Fucking cats.
• Dollar store toy wreath.
• The Terminator assimilates.
• Site of the Week: Black and WTF.
• If you're a Simpsons fan, you'll like this.
• Internet people seem to like this Aussie road safety video.
• Videos of the Day: "metal" band plays elementary school assembly;
and Mr. Bra has the dream job of every 12 year-old boy.

Your son's gay? Get drunk.

(click ad, via) At least he's not drinking your Cachaça Magnifica and watching the porn version, Bareback Mountain. To test your son's heterosexuality, Brazilian Dad, show him this American Cachaça ad with a Brazilian woman's bare ass (nsfw) and look for the bulge in his shorts. Creative note: Diagram ads? Rarely a good idea. Don't make me work to get your oh so important message. Ad agency: Agência 3, Rio.

Ad Creep Update: fake bird shit stickers.

(click image, via) Ad Creep Update is a regular copyranter feature documenting the spreading epidemic of advertising media placement seeping into every nook and cranny of your daily life. Oh shit! Bird shit! Wait! Fuck! It's a goddamn sticker! A sticker for a car wash. A car wash I will now never go to because they pissed me off twice with their ambient "free media" idea. The agency says "calls went up 45%" due to this stunt. I catch you putting a sticker on my non-existent car, you better run. Ad agency: 1pointsize, Chennai, India. Previously, a Zurich insurance company put fake damage stickers on cars.

Piss- or Booger-hands: which would you rather touch?

(click ads, via) Do you use a a hand sanitizer? You know they don't work, right? Anyway, the booger ad photoshoot must have been fun for the models. The third ad should've been a man helping another man jerk off, amirite (hetero) guys? This category has seen some weird campaigns, including this scary germ-hands ad, this severed finger ATM visual and these freaky cat-croissant/hamster-muffin ads.
Ad agency: McCann India. Update: actually, it looks like ads are Photoshopped.

Dear Durex: we will NEVER start saying Wegasm™

(click ads, via) But they're trying very, very hard (heh). They've trademarked it. They have a facebook page, of course, where you have to—in what is becoming a really annoying trend—"Like" it to read about it (I didn't). They even have their own Playboy channel. All moot. Oh but wait one minute, urban dictionary does now have one "Wegasm" entry:
"an orgasm caused by a large tentacle penis during an orgy with numerous virgin sluts, typically found in hentai."
That's not quite the definition Durex is trying to jam down our throats. Ad agency: Ogilvy South, Atlanta. View 15 previous Durex ads from around the world here.

Cutesy Wootsy Ad Friday with Lions and Tigers!

(click ads) WOOK at da tigger and wion, with der nosies smushed against your car windows! They'd eat your fucking balls if they could. For some drive-through safari in India. Ad agency: O&M, Mumbai. Previously in: Cutesy Wootsy Ad Friday.

Huffy Bikes targets Moms with insulting new campaign.

(click ad) Eat my Dust Bunnies? Yes, because Moms these days wile away their days watching soap operas and cleaning fucking dust bunnies. According to AdPulp, A second ad in this "Moms on Bikes" campaign features the endearing headline: "Rebel Without a Minivan." The tagline on the campaign should be: Huffy: "About all a Mom can handle between her legs." What sexist shit. Ad agency: Brunner. For more recent egregious examples of ad sexism, go here and here.

Sex Doll commits suicide (TV spot).

One can't help but think of Lars and the Real Girl ("Yeah, Bionca's a missionary."). What feels like a strange suicide PSA ends up being a morbid spot for the Czech Republic's most popular dating site, a dating site that is probably now populated with more men who view women as sex dolls. Which, judging by this amazingly misogynistic Czech beer commercial, is true! Join up ladies!
Ad agency: McCann Prague. Previous dating site ads:
• JDate: ugh.
• Mate1: love is a fucking puzzle.
• true.com: it's all Tits and Bikinis.
• match.com: Cupid & Fate hate you.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, fellow Irish Americans.

And of course, to all the lads and lasses on the Emerald Isle—it's a wonderful, beautiful place. A place where strong, smelly men often wrestle in meadows, and then bathe together in streams with Irish Spring—the gentle soap that leaves your skin with that fresh clean cheese grater feeling.
By the way, Guinness does taste better there than here.
Related: the cute little Guinness pool cue ad.
Related: the Guinness group sex video ad (sorta nsfw).

New "clever" Heineken commercial isn't.

(via) You see the ending coming as soon as our "hero" walks in on the couple (At least I did. But this is my job.) Even if you could somehow accept that he forgot which compartment was his (totally unbelievable), the joke is still a yawner. This stupid fake Heineken spot featuring a young man walking in on his girlfriend giving some guy a blowjob is better. Ad agency: Rothco, Ireland.

Google Android logo "crushes" car in Amsterdam.

(via) I don't know what Mr. Explainer is saying, but if you have to explain your ambient ad stunt, it sucks. I think he's explaining that telecom retailer The Phone House now carries Android? Help, Dutch readers. This happened Tuesday.
Previously: Android ad attacks iPhone Alarm-gate. Ambient Ad Archive here.

(nsfw) Ukrainian Girl-rilla Marketing Watch: FEMEN support Japan with six Boobs.

(click images) If you troll the Internet at all, you're probably familiar with FEMEN—The oft-naked feminist group whose protests sometimes confuse people. Here, three FEMENs hit the streets of Kiev to declare: "Let's shake boobs and not earth." This is what they had to say about this spectacle, translated by Marina Galperina at ANIMAL NY:
"FEMEN conducts an action in support of the Japanese people. “Praise those who defeat the dragon!” FEMEN are earnestly inspired by the Japanese people who were able to overcome this disaster. Their strength, their samurai self-control, their heroic actions in time of crisis should serve as examples for all of us. Japan has proved their ability to rise from the ashes before and we believe they will defeat the Dragon before the cherry blossoms bloom."
Ho-kay. See more images here (nsfw).

AT&T beats Verizon in Pretend-land coverage.

(click ads, via) If you can't beat 'em, make shit up. So: AT&T works deep under water (no)? But Atlantis was just found! Go—take your AT&T iPhone there and see if it works (it won't). And that's what you think Euphoria looks like, BBDO New York? That place makes me want to stab myself to death with a sharpened neon tree branch. I think we can all agree that the artwork here is less than good. BTW, the "Chief Creative Officer" on this campaign is my good, good friend David Lubars.
Previously: Who sucks more—AT&T or Verizon? New Yorkers vote with their gum.