Children's book, or children's porn book?

(click image, via reddit)
What? It's fucking 4:18 pm on the Thursday before July 4th weekend.
You wanna look at bad ads, go take a walk (in NYC anyway). Related: How to make a porn movie—a flow chart (featuring the actress Audrey Wetwet).

Muammar Gaddafi being attacked by Twitter birds in Hitchcock parody ad.

(click ad, via) Creative, though rather disgustingly shameless, campaign by French TV channel France 24 bragging about their "participation" in the Arab Spring. Video execution below. Look for Sir Alfred serving as Hosni Mubarak's driver. Ad agency: Marcel, Paris. Previously: Will Libyan mouses bring down Gaddafi?

2-D Justin Bieber getting a blowjob.

(click image, via reddit)
Yes, "someday" Justin.
His army of Beliebers is currently hunting down these two to torture and kill them.
Previously: the Someday commercial—Vampire Justin Bieber has implied air-sex.

Yet another ad agency does a bad self-promo ad.

(click ad, via) Bad enough you did a bad ad, but did you have to do an ad that actually hurts my retinas? Bit This! is a Madrid agency. What they're trying to say— I guess—is that they don't follow all the rules? Or, maybe they are saying that they follow all the rules? How about this rule: Do an ad people will like. I'll just put it over here in my shitpile of bad ad agency self-promo ads.

And, the most unappetizing Cannes 2011 Lion winner.

(click ad, via) Outdoor Silver Lion winner via Thailand. This is probably a cultural difference thing, but RETCH. Here in the West, this could easily double as a visual for a PETA ad—much like these Thai meat seasoning ads from 2008 which featured animal carcasses posed like Playboy Playmates. Ad agency: TBWA, Bangkok. Previously in: Creepy Thailand Ad Watch.

And finally, the most disturbing Cannes Lion winner.

 (click image, via) The Warsaw office of ad agency Publicis says they hung these customized underwear cards with the diddling cursor hand on racks in Coccodrillo, a chain of kids clothing stores. They did this on behalf of some Polish child safety foundation. (The web address is on the card, if you care.)
This may be the creepiest Ad Creep yet. In their press note, the agency says that the stunt got lots of media coverage, and that the foundation's web traffic greatly increased. I question how many of these the agency actually placed in the stores.
Related: a round-up of child abuse awareness advertising.

This is how we ROLL in 'merica.

(via reddit) As Bill Maher said about this phenomenon, which really got going during Iraq War II:
"It's the least you can do."
Previously.

(nsfw) More Ukrainian Corruption Theatre via FEMEN.

Here, three racktivists ( or "bitches of democracy," as they call themselves), dressed up as hottie former Ukrainian prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, pull out their racks and some cash and sing and yell and throw themselves at bored-looking local constables to protest fuck if I know. Read more about it here.
See all of the previous FEMEN nsfw protests here.

Spirit Airlines does Blagojevich ad.

(click image, via)
Of course they did.
Context.
Previous horrible Spirit ads:
• bp oil spill.
• Weinergate.

Today's ad on the subway that pissed me the f*ck off.

(click image) Drinking Diet Coke is ambitious? Hear that, you parched 13.9 million unemployed Americans? Show some drive!—git off your sofa and go git some of the world's leading waist-expanding, diabetes-causing diet soft drink. You'll be extraordinary in your next interview! And you'll "stay extraordinary!"
Previous NYC subway ads that pissed off copyranter:
• enviga.
• Reebok.
• DIESEL.
• Fiji water.
• Courvoisier.
• and America's Peanut Farmers.

The most insane men's deodorant commercial ever won a Cannes Lion.

Rexona (known as Degree in the US) has a thing for doing insane, pits-focused commercials, like this Russian one from 2009. The above lunacy won a Silver Lion last week for "Best Use of Music." For once, Copyranter has no complaint with this judgment. Ad agency: Ponce, Argentina. This pre-Isaiah Mustafa Old Spice spot is still my favorite recent men's deodorant spot, though.

It's the "Greenest" billboard ever!

(click image, via) The World Wildlife Fund and Coke (what?) have teamed up in the Philippines to erect the most eco-tastic billboard on the face on the earth. It's made of 3,600 Fukien tea plants, which apparently absorb pollution? In fact, Anthony Gao, a botanist who worked with Coca-Cola and the WWF, said each plant could absorb up to 13 pounds of carbon dioxide a year, on average. The plant pots are even made of recycled Coke products. The plants are watered with a drip irrigation system for efficient distribution. I'd be getting goosebumps if it wasn't for global warming. Previously: dying polar bear travels thousands of miles to thank man for buying a Nissan Leaf. Related: five instances of tragically ironic green marketing. And the worst Green ad award goes to: Iberia airlines.

If only all commercials were this GRRREEEAAATTT.

I don't know what, if anything, Nutri-Grain had to do with this thing. But what I do know is that Kellogg's should run it and run it and run it (well, slightly edited) and never run anything else ever again. Found on reddit. Related:
• the greatest gum commercial ever.
• the greatest beer commercial ever.
• the greatest butter commercial ever.

Today's sexist racist candy ad is via India.

(click ad, from earlier this year, via) Oh yeah, baby. Mr. Mango tangoed with the hot chocolate maid, and now she's preggers with the fruit of his loins. Where the fuck is Mrs. Mango? Hey, it's just some harmless sweet fun, right? I'm over-analyzing it. Don't let Naomi Campbell see it, though. Company: Lotte. Ad agency: Y&R Mumbai. Previously: the Dove Body Wash unintentionally racist ad shitstorm.

Greenpeace spoofs the VW little Darth Vader spot.

(via) Ooh, a VW death star. I'm not going to get into an eco-car viability discussion here, but this is a pretty sad attempt by Greenpeace to ride the coattails of the original video's huge viral success (over 40 million views). Little Lando Calrissian is a cutie, though. Greenpeace says the video will be distributed online "in more than 14 countries."You can "join the rebellion" here. The VW spot, by Deutsch, just won a Gold "Film" Lion at Cannes. update: Today, Greenpeace also hijacked some London billboards. To view several previous Greenpeace videos, go here.
update: George Lucas forced Greenpeace to take down the video from their site.

What is a Fauxhemian? This is a Fauxhemian.

(click image, via reddit)
If he's from Brooklyn,
this is probably where he lives.
And this is of course his ironic beer.

Link Haze, 6/27/11.

• gif of the day.
• How to work better.
• Death Metal cockatiel.
• Arty Bollocks Generator.
• Bottled air NYC street art.
• Vagina wedding dress (right).
• London's Tube turned into Boob Tube.
• Cigarette packs from around the world.
• Lipstick Bail Bonds will spring you in pink Hummer.
• The indestructible bike lock? Ha, bring that baby to NYC.
• Videos of the Day: Snail vs. earthworm;
and Kitteh faceplant.

Print ad ends Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

(click ad)
Here's the back-story video for the Impossible Brief, a project created by Israeli ad agency BBR Saatchi & Saatchi. Here's some of the other entries. The winner, created by Royer Jean-Christophe / BETC Paris, France, was announced last Thursday. Peace in the Middle East tk. Previously:
• Israeli-Palestinian conflict explained by yarmulke chart ad.
• Israeli cell phone company solves West Bank crisis with soccer ball.

Watch a man wash his arsehole and pee in the shower—Cannes Lion winner (nsfw).

 (via) To be pulled from YouTube any second now ( I made a copy). Via Oslo ad agency Los & Co., this spot won a Bronze "Film" Lion Friday. OK, we get it: he's a REAL man, and this is his shower gel. Sorry Asan, but shower "gels" will forever be for metrosexuals, no matter how many air hankies one blows.
Previously: the Axe shower gel blowjob towel (sfw).

...and yet another wonderful Cannes Lego campaign.

(click images) These ads, via Malaysia just won an Outdoor Silver Lion. Ogilvy Malaysia hired some local Lego artists to create the posters that play off of the surrounding environment. Yes, they're actually made of Lego bricks. Pretty damn smart idea.
Other 2011 Lego Cannes winners include this imaginative Gold Lion ad via Russia and these inventive Silver Lion ads via Germany. Cannes needs to ban Lego ads from future festivals, because next year, every awards-starved agency in the world is going submit scam Lego ads looking for a piece of hardware.

The butt sex metaphor Cannes 2011 Lion winner.

(click ad, via) Press Silver Lion winner by McCann Erickson, Italy. It's an OK idea, but I would have liked to have seen the idea pushed further (That's what she/he said!). Previously in: dirrrty lube ads. Previously in: Cannes 2011.

Blasphemous Bible redesign wins Cannes Gold Lion.

(click image, via) The goal was to design a Bible that would attract "younger people." From the press note:
"The all new “BasisBibel NT” uses a very clear, modern language and is still very close to the original text. The textual structure and typography is optimised for better reading comprehension. In addition to that, the BasisBibel is cross-media optimised."
That all sounds like Devil-speak to me. Get this: the evil thing also comes in green, orange and purple (That color sold out in five months.) ALL Bibles should be dark blood red faux leather and smell like the sweat of Christ. Designer: Gobasil, Hamburg, Germany. Related: the official 1936 Nazi graphic design manual.

Summer's Eve "Vaginal" Video.

Carlton the "cat" wants you to replace the phrase "that's awesome" with "that's vaginal." *shakes head* How this will sell douche, fuck if I know. Note: next time, get a cat puppet that actually looks like a cat. Previously in: VaginaVertising.

Fine, here's another Cannes 2011 winner that I like.

(click ad) The campaign won a Press Gold Lion (See the other two ads here. This is my favorite.) Ad agency: Ogilvy, Malaysia. But if you can't do good ads for something like Pictionary or Scrabble, then you need to give it up, and become a client ass juice-sucking account executive. Previously: Fine, here's one Cannes 2011 winner I like.

Ad agency flies misspelled beach banner over Cannes.

(click image)
"FAMOUSILY EFFECTIVE." Now THAT'S irony. It was pointed out to them by one of their clients at their own Cannes party, according to Agency Spy. I'm more offended by the hacky ellipsis.
So, done on purpose? I doubt it. Related: a fun round-up of eight terrible ad agency self-promo ads.

Church Sign of the Day.

(click image, via reddit)
From 2010. Yes, I'm immature.
Previously: Church Sign from Hell.

And the most sexist 2011 Cannes Lion winner is...

(click ad, via) ...Kitadol menstrual relief pills. Because, yes, us men are WAR HEROES for—month-in, month-out—doing battle with the enemy: OTR women. Ad won a Press Silver Lion.  Ad agency: Prolam Y&R, Chile, who have a history of producing sexist ads for Kitadol (examples one, two, three). All four of these Kitadol ads, by the way, were created by all-male creative teams.

Here's your 2011 Cannes Press Grand Prix Lion winner.

(click ad, via) Meh. I repeat, MEH. It's for the Samsonite Cosmolite suitcase. Ad agency: JWT, Shanghai, China. It's China's first ever Grand Prix Lion. Yay. Well, It's at least better than the 2009 and 2010 Grand Prix winners. Related: this Korean Samsonite ad is maybe the dumbest ad ever.

One of the sleaziest car ads ever just won a Cannes Lion.

(click ad, via) A Press Silver Lion. It's promoting pedophilia? Or at the least, statutory rape? It's certainly a skeevy ad, Kia. What do you expect when virtually 100% of the judges are undersexed unattractive men? And I'm assuming it's a produced ad, since Cannes' #1 concern has always been integrity, not profitability. The ad doesn't even visualize the benefit very well. Ha, look at the apple (pussy) juice sluicing out of teacher's mouth. Ad agency: Moma, São Paulo, Brazil. Go jerk off, Brazil.
update: Kia America's response in the comments.
Previous sleazy car ads:
• Used Woman = Used Car.
• Pre-owned girl sells pre-owned BMWs.

Fine, here's one Cannes 2011 winner that I like.

It just won an Outdoor Gold Lion, which I predicted it would win back in April. Ad agency: Leo Burnett, Moscow. Related: More excellent Lego ads via Germany.

BBDO's gang sign, yo.

(click image, via) Flashed by an unknown BBDO Belgium creative at Cannes this week. First seen in this 2009 badass gangsta BBDO Germany recruitment ad. You better watch that shit in LA and NYC, ad pussies: your gang sign looks a lot like the Bloods'.

Snickers takes credit for Mark Zuckerberg's success.

(click ad, via) Another Cannes 2011 winner that really isn't very good! The ad, by CLM BBDO France, just won an Outdoor Bronze Lion. I mean, the layout's kinda nice. But the idea—Mark, do you even eat Snickers? Talk to your lawyers, maybe you want to own Mars, Inc. I know, it's "creative license." Well the agency's license should be taken away. By the way, this is still by far the best Snickers ad I've ever seen.
Related: this Snickers shark focus group TV spot upset some people.

US Government to put corpses on cigarette packs.

(click images) Also, cancerous lungs and mouths, and lovely tracheotomy blow holes. Collect all nine and win a free CAT Scan! Starting in September 2012, The FDA plans on making these and other gruesome packages mandatory for all cigarettes sold in America. The images must cover half of the packs and take up 20% of cigarette ad space. But the four big tobacco companies are all threatening legal action, so expect a courtroom fight to last for years. Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, anti-smoking shock-vertising is the norm—check out this terrifying 2006 commercial via Australia.
Related: a round-up of anti-smoking advertising.

Look at how handsome Hitler looks in this Cannes Lion-winning ad!

(click ad, via) Look at that gorgeous Devil! It appears that the Vogue retouchers got a hold of Der Führer's well-preserved corpse. Anyway this ad for audiobook India just won a Siver Lion at the annual autoerotic ad event by the sea. That's a bookmark sticking out of his mouth. It looks like he's eating a lizard.
Ad agency: Taproot, Mumbai.
Previously, here's nine more recent instances of Hitler-tising. Hitler still moves product, baby!

Gillette's Pubes Towels Win Cannes Bronze Lion.

(click images, via) BBDO Germany claims they placed "thousands" of these custom towels in parks and other public grassy areas all over Germany ahead of the summer season to prompt Deutschlanders to shave (and nick) their nether regions. The stunt just won the agency a Media Bronze Lion for "best use of ambient media, small scale." Mildly clever.
But, I'm thinking what maybe happened was "a few" of the towels were placed in a park near BBDO's office, and quickly photographed? Nah. I'm sure, like usual, Cannes thoroughly vetted this effort to confirm its authenticity.
Previously in: Pubes-vertising.
Previously in: Gillette advertising.
Related: four Cannes 2010 winners I liked.

Orkin installs an ant farm in a men's room?

At least it looks like a public bathroom? I can't really tell, and there's no location information in the video or in the YouTube description. The nearly unreadable ant farm tunnel headline reads: "Keep pests in their home." So, how long is/was this questionable installation up? Were the ants fed? Did they all die? I like ants, you see. Talk about Ad Creep. Pure awards shoe bait. Agency: Rethink, Vancouver.
Previously: Terminix erects live (and dead) cockroach billboard in Dallas.

Today's WHAT?!?—sex oil ads via India.

(click ads, via) "Twist a story over a spray." Huh? Twist an animal's tail/tale? The libido oil that makes you so horny you'll fuck any animal? An elephant never forgets her first giraffe? I'm sorry, I've soaked little copyranter with this stuff, but I'm still not in the mood cause I have a headache from trying so hard to make these ads make sense in my head. Ad agency: Creative Drops, India.
Previously in WHAT?!?:
• McDonald's Finland.
• Nutrition ads via Brazil.
• Israeli mosquito repellent ads.

Russian Ad Watch: Topless models present Avianova's 250 ruble fares (briefly nsfw).

(via) In new potent Putin Russia, EVERYTHING SEX (nsfw). Last summer, Avianova, a discount carrier, revealed that one of their money-saving measures was to enlist bikini models to clean their planes. Now, this new bit of sleaziness to promote their cheap domestic fares. (That's about 10 bucks to fly anywhere in-country.) Note the inclusion of one lonely naked dude who of course makes a penis joke.
Related: Aeroflot's nude flight attendant calendar (very nsfw).

Copywriters! Write the headline for this Russian Jameson's ad.

(click ad) Crowdsourced creativity! It's the advertising of the now and the future! A future without ad agencies! (Yay!) More and more brands are doing it. And why not?!? It's cheap! The Irish whiskey brand is running an online effort in Russia inviting anyone to write the conversation for this poster. Finalists will receive a bottle of hooch, and the winning entry will be published in Russian Maxim. If you know Russian, here's the page of submissions. Here's mine:
Man #1: "Comrade, I think that bear is going to eat us."
Man #2: I think you're right, comrade!"
Write yours in the comments, if you want.
Related—Western celebs in Russian ads:
Bruce Willis, Jude Law, and Quentin Tarintino.

Presenting the "Love Your Vagina" song.

(via) Last year, Mooncup, makers of silicone menstrual cups, ran a poster campaign in London inviting ladies to submit their favorite nicknames for their Lady Garden. (Many of them were probably submitted by teenage boys. You can still submit yours here.) Now, they've released a song featuring some of those names. You can even buy it on iTunes. The proceeds will go to a charity picked by Mooncup's facebook fans. I'm disappointed "South Mouth" didn't make the cut. The piano player's ill-advised attempt to join in during the chorus was a nice touch. Ad agency: St. Luke's. Singer: Amanda Dawson. Previously in: VaginaVertising.

1990: How Mr. Rogers dealt with stalking 6-year-old fans.

(click letter, via reddit)
He (or a minion) did it very well indeed.
Previously: A 1964 letter from a marketing manager at Campbell's Soup to Andy Warhol.

Gillette paints/shaves a big stupid 2,800 square meter Roger Federer field face.

(via) Big stupid "world's biggest shave" stunt for the Gillette Fusion ProGlide, tied to Wimbledon (started today). The big stupid stunt involved laser-guided robots, environmentally-friendly paint, and biodegradable foam. Gillette says they enlisted its facebook fans to help complete the big stupid stunt. What stupid people they must be. Video below. Go Nadal! Previously: big stupid Federer relaxing in one of his stupid Credit Suisse ads. Previously in big stupid field ads: Verizon • Papa John's • and a cyber stripper website.

Presenting Condom Ads with Sperm Butterflies/Fireflies.

(click ads, via) For Carex "ultra safe" condoms, via Malaysia. If your man has glow-in-the-dark little guys, yes absolutely, wear an ultra safe condom. You don't want to give birth to the Toxic Avenger. Yet another condom ad update from the adman who covers more condom ads than any man. (Here's nine Durex ads from around the world, for instance.) Ad agency: Grey Group, Kuala Lumper.
Previously in: Spermy condom ads. Previously in: SpermVertising.

Beer Package Design Hall of Fame.

(click image, via reddit)
Yes, this is a real beer via the state of Utah, land of the magic underwear.
Previously: Russian sexxxy beer.

Graphic Design FAIL of the Millennium.

It edges out this classic one. Adme.ru last week posted a roundup of famous graphic design/logo mishaps. I had seen all of the bad ones, except this one, from 2008, via my favorite summer state. It is nearly unbelievable.
Previously: Logo FAIL of the Millennium.

This is the strangest aspirin commercial you will ever see in any lifetime.

(via) Nothing to add. Via Slovenia. Ad agency: Bife, Ljubljana.
Previously: 12 of the strangest commercials ever produced.
Related: 11 cRaZy Japan commercials.

...and here's a video of a dog parking a car.

(via) The Rube Goldberg thing has been done to death in advertising (one example). But this is the first one done with dogs that I know of. So, there's that. It's for the Ford C-MAX with active park assist. Ad agency: Ogilvy & Mather, Paris. Director: James Frost, who previously shot OK Go's "This Too Shall Pass" video. Clearly, if you've got a Rube Goldberg idea for one of your clients—and a big ass budget—call Frost.

The worst WonderBra ad I've ever seen.

(click ad, via) And I've seen mounds of them, both online, and in portfolios sent to our agency. Apparently, the straw is extra long because the tits are extra big? Which logistically makes zero sense. Other interpretations welcome. This is by some ad student at DMJX in Copenhagen. Students? If your goal is to get a job making ads, do not put Wonderbra ads in your portfolio. Previously:
10 WonderBra ads, all better than this one.

Jean Claude Van Damme is funny for Coors Light.

He remembers when his pants were frozen so hard and tight, well: "Have you ever seen a man penguin walk after an intense mating season? Have you?" This new UK spot doesn't sell Coors Light very well, but it's more entertaining than most American beer ads, like the pathetic Man Up Miller Lite campaign.
If only this heralded a farewell to that fucking stupid Silver Bullet train.

Exclusive behind the scenes peek at what the creative directors are doing at Cannes.

(click image) He's Warren Brown, ECD of BMF Australia, and president of the Promo and Activation jury. He's writing a Cannes diary for Campaign Brief. The festival starts next week. I'll be posting any other pics I find that help tell the real story of what goes on at the industry's biggest autoerotic event.
Related: here's three winners from Cannes 2010 I liked.
Related: What the fuck is a Creative Director?—11 portraits.

The most penis-y beer ad ever.

(click ad) From 2008, for Romanian brew Ursus. Wild guess: not an official Ursus ad. Adme.ru yesterday posted 33 print ads they called "too sexy." I had seen them all before except this one. I mean, it's an interesting graphic trick, but one could read it as: Ursus tastes like piss/semen. For your viewing pleasure, here's 10 more examples of PenisVertising.

WTFriday—a French man with sh*t-stained underwear around his ankles f*cking a huge fly (nsfw).

(click image) I need to stay off reddit for awhile. The translation doesn't help much. It's a page from extinct French satire magazine Hara-Kiri. One redditor posits that it's a public service message about killing flies because they contribute to foodborne illnesses. O. K.
Previous WTF pics: one • two • three • four.