1965: Raquel Welch for Wate-On.

(click ad) Welch was definitely the leading pin-up poster woman of the late 1960s (She's the last pin-up Andy Dufresne has on his wall before escaping in Shawshank Redemption.). Here she is, as the copy states, prior to her first big role in A Swingin' Summer, hawking Wate-On's condensed food tablets and homogenized liquid emulsions. Her testimonial from Hollywood reads, in part:
"Often we skip lunch and dinner and so, often I rely on Wate-On Emulsions and Tablets...for their weight sustaining calories."
Coke wasn't that big yet in the 60s. My oh skinny-ass my, how times have changed. (image via Flickr) related: 1963 Chubbette Fashions ad.
related: BIKINI KILL.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update.

That crying sound coming from the baby carriage is not a baby. It's an ad. (link)

Tech Ad Watch: Microsoft's Moronic Monster Ball.

(click ad) Ad for Microsoft's Visual Studio Team System scanned from the latest Information Week. OK, cut me a little slack übergeeks, but what the hell is going on here in this cockamamie illustration? What, exactly, do the creatures represent? Viruses? Bugs? An evil competing development team? Why are the monsters wearing b-ball uniforms? Why are there only three of them? Did the rest of the monster squad foul out? Note the rack on the Asian female development team member to further draw in the (mostly) male software dev target audience. previously in: awful Microsoft ads. previously in awful tech ads: Intel's racism inside; QSOL's blowjob ad; SunGard's bridge to inanity.

"I got a BITCH of a headache."

(click ad) More marketing misogyny via the Middle East. Apparent real print ad (here's the source, with full agency credentials listed) out of Dubai for Emami pain balm. How to get a head in advertising! Previous stops on the Worldwide Misogynistic/Sexist Ad Tour: United Arab Emirates. Israel. Romania. Greece. Prague. Germany. Singapore. Singapore again. Seoul. London. And, maybe the worst example, the US.

Tree abuse in the name of Earth Hour.

(click images) Both instances were committed in Sydney, Australia. (L) It's a tree-shirt! Poor, ridiculous-looking majestic tree. By Leo Burnett. (R) Cardboard treehuggers! How cringe-worthy. And what an egregious waste of cardboard. By ad agency US Sydney. Did you do anything special for Earth Hour? I shut off one light, but not the TV. Sorry, Canadiens were playing. (images via)
previously in: bad green marketing.

That's some feather duster.

(click flier) Well, it would appear that Ana's not a Brazilian house cleaner (hey-oh!). Flier spotted on the outside of a lower Broadway building near Bleecker Street. The design and cropping of that picture bring to mind (well, my perverted mind) a, uh, more specialized sort of house cleaning service. Or at least one from the 60s. This had to be done intentionally, right? Please back me up, people. Only one of the phone tabs was torn off.
previously in: funny NYC fliers.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: SharkAlliance.org

Do sharks go to heaven? (link)

Hooker or Wife?

(click ad) WW II war bonds ad analysis time! Wife stealing from her hubby? Or prostitute stealing from her John? Clues: the woman has a bow in her hair, which points to wife. But the pants look like they could be Army issue, which points to prostitute. What's your call on this sexist plea for patriotism? (image via) previous racy retro ads: Penthouse, American Airlines, Interwoven men's socks, the Love Rug, AKAI—amateur porn is born,

Finally, eroticism is advertised pleasingly.

Excellent new video via Barcelona for Coco de Mer erotic shops. The song, "Love You," is perfect. The scenes are perfect. The casting is perfect. The attention to detail is perfect. Brav-fucking-O (via). previous sex shop ads: U4ria's maybe, maybe not NSFW ad. Substation's painful lube ad. previous lube ads: The choo-choo is stuck in the poo-poo. Raspberry jam and strawberry bush.

Link Haze, 3/27/09.

• Sloped text is easier to read.
• Nice piece of penis email spam.
• Eye-for-an-eye justice, via Iran.
• Heaven's toll-free phone number.
• Sexual philosophy, via Chewbacca.
• Fatburger: you can't beat our meat.
• Jesus, Mr. Six is back and he's talking.
• El Paso's Kamel Towing (not cameltoeing).

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Amnesty International.

See if you can kount the killings in this kool new AI video. (link)

1938: the first Pepsi can.

Which is the uglier design? The current Pepsi can, with the new logo/ad campaign baldly usurped from the current commie prez trying to pull the country out of an economic depression? Or the first Pepsi WD-40ish can, launched as another commie prez pulled the country out of another economic depression? Note the old can still had a twist off bottle cap. Also note that 12 ounces was "2 full glasses." Compare to today's 256 oz. Big Gulp America. (old can via) Previous Pepsi vintage ads. Previous Pepsi advertising missteps.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update...

A street sewer grate in Mumbai, India is turned into an ad to help underprivileged children. (link)

Two Incurious Cases of Benjamin Button-Appropriating Ads.

(click ads) L—Ad via Saatchi & Saatchi Sydney for Olay Total Effects anti-aging cream placed on the movie listings page of Time Out Sydney during the release of Benjamin Button. R—Ad via Canvas in Cape Town for I Care For My Body, a chain of cosmetic surgery spas in South Africa. I don't know who Belinda Botha is, and don't care. This one seems vulnerable to a law suit from Paramount. (images via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Bamboo skin whitening cream.

Via China. Michael Jackson is of course in the ad. (link)

Chinese People Have Trouble Screwing, Too.

(click ad) As the People's Republic of China has become more of capitalist republic, more and more stupid Western metaphors have begun showing up in Chinese ads. Like this one for Durex Play lubricant. The clunky translated headline is "Fun Which You Need To Lubricate" (tk: their ad visual interpretation of "tight vagina"). While the ad is far from arousing, it gets its fucking point across—much like this unsubtle Chinese ICBM Viagra ad. (image via) previously in Durex ads. previously in Lubricant ads.

We're headed to Paris for a week. I'll post occasionally, especially if I see something like the Spiderman 3 cheeseburger, or this.
(image via: flickr)

Link Haze, 3/19/09.

• The UroClub.
• AIG exec in Che Tee.
• Barack Obama is Dr. Manhattan.
• bOOb machine. I already have two.
• Spinal Tap are back! Give 'em a hand!
• The Dow has dropped—your face doesn't have to.
• 3rd grader wants to work for pants-optional CEO Dov Charney.
• This week in NY Shitty: bum crap on underwear on wood panel.
• This True Blood interactive promo is much smarter than the US crap was.
• Sexy, syncopated Ladytron.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Milky Way.

It's a chewy, stretchy Ad Creep update. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Greenpeace.

This poster campaign isn't very good, but the mutant stuffed animals are cute! (link)

Barack Obama, Flavor Of The Week.

(click ad) Eat it, Ben & Jerry. Via Russian ad agency Voskhod (named after the spacecrafts), we have a new, racially-flavored print ad for Duet ice cream that may cool relations considerably between our new multi-cultural prez and judoman Vlad Putin...peace signs and rainbows, notwithstanding (image via). Previously in presidential ads:
Japanese cell phone company thinks Obama is bananas.
Bud's "Inaugurale"
Philips unplugs W.
the Axe effect affects Hillary.
Barack/Hillary facial mashup ad.
Sarah Palin, out of the closet.
the worldwide Obama ad exploitation tour continues...
update: what the hell is that flag atop the capitol and on Obama's lapel?

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Arby's.

The fast food chain paid an artist to paint a Mona Lisa out of grease. (link)

(nsfw) Fake T*ts Used To Sell Bullsh*t Product.

(click ads) The ads, at least, are apparently real. Innoxa Skin Specialist is a neck and bust skin firming treatment formulated with Pepha®-Tight Marine Extract(?). Um, the firmness of these busts (the bride's certainly aren't real) has nothing to do with some specious skin treatment. Surprisingly, the South African creative team that hatched this predictable-as-a-boner print campaign is evidently female; that's the first time that's happened on copyranter's endless Worldwide Sexist Ad Tour. previously in: NSFW.

Bergdorf Goodman model turns sideways, almost disappears.

(click image) Those horizontal stripes on that Michael Kors tank dress ($1,295, third floor) really fatten up this auto lock jimmy of a model, huh? BG says stuff your skinny model debate up Lena Bonanova's (not her real name) nonexistent pooper. (scanned from the Spring Bergdorf Goodman magazine) previously in models: Bluetooth model Amanda Lepore; Girlrilla (nsfw) Ass-vertising; Annoying fashion trend—jumping models; Scary Dakota Fanning ad for Marc Jacobs; A river runs through Jay-Z; and Supermodels playing with fatty meats video.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Sound Advice Project.

Here's a darling, passive-aggressive way to talk to your kid about drugs. (link)

"We're an 'outside-of-the-box' ad agency."

(click ads) Ha ha, OOPS. (L) Print ad from a campaign released this month for FedEx delivery via DDB Brazil. (R) Print ad from a campaign released this month for Aramex delivery via FP7 Doha in Qatar. Winner? FedEx! By a horn bell!
(Both images via)

Hey, at least he gives oral.

(click ad) "His name's Vlad. I like him, but he only wants to date me every 28 days..." You may say 'ewww,' but blood is blood to the undead. Not at all surprisingly, the creative team from Switzerland that dreamed up this bloodcurdling o.b. tampon ad is all-male. But at least, like this French shark-infested Tampax ad and unlike every American tampon ad ever made, they've acknowledged that blood does in fact come out of a cooter.
previously in: tampon/pad ads.
previously in: scary all-male creative team ads.
update: The ad agency contacted me to report that this ad was never published. Also, a rep from o.b. responded in the comments.

Link Haze, 3/13/09.

• Lolipoop.
• SUCK it, Pepsi.
• That's a big fucking billboard.
• Idaho teacher selling ad space on his tests.
• A great pop song that never fails to uplift me...no small task.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Wildlife SOS

Hey, paper waster? Why don't you just build a paper elephant gun and go on safari? (link)

The original Real Doll from 1971. Deluxe model. Only $8.95.

(click ad to read the hard sell)
The Love Maid, life-like in every detail. I know what you're thinking Mr. Skeptical Consumer: 'After I open up the box and blow her up, this is what she'll look like.' You could not be more wrong, sir. What was that? Eh, no, these are not photos of the actual Love Maid, but they are photos of the actual live model from which the doll was fashioned. "Judy" —a product of "experimentation and brain-storming"(?)—feels smooth and "almost too human." And for a mere four dollars more, you'll receive the Love Maid's wardrobe, including "ultra-feminine sleep attire for the long warm night ahead." And friend? For an extra sensual experience, what don't you pick up a Love Rug, too? (via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Fitness First

What would you do if you sat down at a bus stop, and your weight was immediately projected on a poster for the world to see? (link)

Satanic Strawman makes me scared, not thirsty.

(click ad) Say hola to Nesteapheles, the demon ice god of thirst. The line there at the bottom of this ad loosely translates to: You Are What You Take (update: You Are What You Drink). Me thinks the Venezuelan creatives at Publicis who hatched this tubular boogeyman were taking microdots of lysergic acid diethylamide.
Poll time! Which of these food/drink ad visuals is the scariest:
1. the espresso scorpion.
2. meat seasoning necrophilia.
3. McDonald's devil finger fries.
4. Subway's entrails sub.
5. the Fanta strawberry tongue.
6. or, this here Nestea incubus.

(alleged) sex lives of Mick and Madonna (et al) sell safe sex.

(click ads to read)
MTV Brazil, who recently brought us these vintage porn AIDS awareness ads, takes major liberties here (including spelling liberties...Carmem? Kravtizs? Macconaughey?) with the hooking-up itineraries of many major stars to promote condom usage. The spelling errors point to these being fake ads, but full agency credits are listed at the source and, well, they're now on the Internet which makes them real enough. And, with that last line of the Jagger ad, MTV has confirmed one of the most salacious bits of shagging gossip in rock 'n roll history.
Previously in MTV ads.

THIS REPRESENTS A BLOCKED ASSHOLE. SH*T SITS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT LOCKED SH*T-COLORED DOOR HOLE.

(click ad) Just looking at this unappetizing ad via Lebanon for Kellogg's All-Bran cereal with extra fiber constipates me. "There is a key?" How 'bout a police battering ram? (image via) Related: Colon Ad Wars. Related: Foghorn Leghorn promotes colon cancer screening. Related: I once wrote a jingle for beano.

Law firm knows big words, doesn't know how to advertise.

(click ads to read) Webber Wentzel, a "leading South African law firm," apparently actually thinks that knowing made-up mega-words like hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian is a reason to retain their legal services; that it makes them more appealing to potential customers (lawyers do like to be viewed as wordsmithies). Are you guys a bunch of moronoimbecilidolts? Just taking the time to listen to one of your counselors say one of these words would cost me about 100 bucks in billings. The only good thing I can say about these ads is that they don't use stupid animal metaphors like seemingly every US law firm does. Related: wonder what their big word is for sexual harassment? (images via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update...

...the shitter. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: PETA needs a good ad agency.

In their latest anti-fur video, they got Pink and Ricky Gervais as voice talent. They used fancy CGI animals. And they still came up lame. (link)

Dumb MENSA ad.

(click ad) Via Poland. Go ahead, try to figure it out. It took me a bit, because I suck at logic tests. But that's not the point. The point is: what's the fucking point of this ad? Are they trying to recruit members? Trying to promote themselves? Trying to incite hackers to destroy their website (if you're a hacker, I say go for it)? Previously in stupid ads for smart people: Barclays' dumb MENSA ad; The Economist tries childish drawings; Spanish newspaper El Pais invites you to play: What's wrong with this 9/11 photo? Nortel's horrible airport ad placement.

The original Doggie Bag.

(click ad to enlarge)
Define "comfortably." From 1936...I wonder why these never caught on? (via) Previously in "what could go wrong?" products of the past: the Flame Gun and the Robot Lawnmower. Previously in Buygone Ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: anti-littering ads.

Don't toss your cig butts! They're toxic. And animals eat them. And then you eat the toxic animals! (link)

...and feel crummy!

(click) Head-shaking advert from 1963 for the A line Skimmer dress by Chubbette® Fashions of Middlesex, NJ. Dummy adults could also send away for "Pounds And Personality," an advice book for parents of a chubby girl written by "a team of well-known authorities." (image via)
previously in vintage ads.

Link Haze, 3/06/09.

• Look at her.
• A sad death.
• Jean-Claude Van Drunk.
• PETA's Ingrid Newkirk wants her corpse eaten.
• I called Enviga's billboards bullshit. Now, Enviga finally agrees.
• According to this ruler, Caucasians have the biggest peens.
• Fuck the women. This Friday, it's all about a man's needs....full of greed.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: BIC pens.

Via Poland, this is maybe the most unoriginal print ad ever produced. (link)

Dear lingerie ad makers: TITS ≠ TITILLATING.

(click ads to read headlines) It is so sad the volume of bland lingerie advertising that gets produced. Bland toothpaste advertising is one thing. Cropped tit shots! I'm sure the vanguardians at JWT in Dubai thought fake-stitching the headlines on these K-Lynn push-up bra cups was totes hott. You only get more turned off once you read the flaccid lines. Imagination, people (images via). Previous lingerie ad: fun bags missing twist ties. Previous WonderBra ads: one, two, three, four. WonderBra dead woman TV spot.

THE PERFECT PEPSI PEOPLE OF THE 1950s...

(click ad to read copy) "Just being around them makes you feel good! They're so wonderful to look at—these slender, handsome active men and women of today." Jesus, just look at fucking Lana and Burt and their Pepsi perfectness. Imagine the serenity. Imagine the conversation. Imagine the sex. Fuckin' terrible 2009. I wish it was the 50s. Glamorous bras cost $1. The girdle ads were surreal puzzles. If wifey burnt dinner, you got shitfaced on Schlitz. And the original Marlboro Man wore Pierre Cardin and lived in Paris. (via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Tamayo Museum of contemporary art

I guarantee you that these are the violent-est museum ads you'll ever see. (link)