Link Haze, 2/28/11.

(image via)
• Candy heart for a hooker.
• New FedEx spot is fairly funny.
• This woman is crazy, or this is fake.
• Man puts wart remover in eyes; sues Walgreens. 
• Your words are very important to Vladimir Putin.
• Julian Assange is now Julian Assange™. Too bad, too late for this ad.
• And, three videos of the day: baby laughs at ripping paper; jogging geese (?); and fish pedicure.

NYC hospital's testimonial TV spot is riveting.

Testimonials are never done right. The person sucks on camera. Their words sound like what they are: bullshit scripted words. But this new commercial for New York-Presbyterian Hospital gave me pause. Heather's story is gripping, because Heather is real. Two other spots featuring NYC fireman Matthew and clinically-dead Joe are also pretty good. Nicole's spot, unfortunately, is terribly over-written.
Still, as a whole, the campaign is much better than the usual fake patient cancer ads, or even worse, these fake dead kids ads. Ad agency: Munn Rabôt, New York. Related: having some fun with Microsoft's fake testimonial ad.

The sex toys to go with your IKEA furniture.

(via) Lelo is a Stockholm company. The stimulators of the future are here today. Why don't men have get-offers that look this good? We can't leave the fucking obscene-looking Fleshlight sitting on our end tables. Previous Sex Toy ads.

1970s Unisex Pants of the Week.

(click ad, via) The official pants of the Wella Balsam Man. White lace and see-through—go Commando! "A look that's sheer verve, sheer nerve...in waist sizes 24" to 34". Well. Not many Men of the Decade of Love were able to fit in em. Gay Bob certainly couldn't've squeezed in em. But if you were one of the lucky ones, they were the perfect pants to wear with a studly Onesie while lying seductively on your Love Rug. Previously in horrific 1970s pants:
• Slack Power!
• the Eleganza Man!
• the Horoscope slacks.
• the Broomsticks Gang Rape Ad Series (1960s).

Tabasco does Juggs-vertising in the SI swimsuit issue.

(click ad, via adrants) Finally, the much-anticipated (by pathetic mooks) edition of Sports Illustrated is out. And the McIlhenny Company managed to squeeze this ad in between all the sandy cleavage. In the 2009 issue, Arby's did a less subtle BurgerTits ad. I repeat: TITS. WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL?

The sleaziest pizza ads ever.

(click ads, via) For some joint in Barcelona called Pizza & Love. You got a veggie 3-way and a sausage and onions ménage à trois. Ad agency: Contrapunto. What?!? It's Friday. You want some pointless creative commentary, go read Bob Garfield. Previously:
• the sleaziest sunroof ads ever.
• the sleaziest dog shelter ad ever.
• the sleaziest hearing aid ads ever.
• the sleaziest photo festival video ever.

Could somebody please tell me where "couture" ends and "fucking idiotic" begins?

(click images, via Homotography) Both of these delish outfits are part of Christopher Shannon's F/W 2011-2012 collection just shown in London. Previously: which of these daring ensembles should I build my fall wardrobe around?

(nsfw) Lingerie seller offers lingerie stripteases, but only if you buy the lingerie.

(via) For Valentine's Day, German unmentionables seller Liaison Dangereuse produced an online campaign targeting men. As the video explains, after clicking the ad, you were prompted to pick the outfit and the model you'd like to see strip. But! She only got naked after you made the purchase. Which, I guess I would do, because where the fuck else could I possibly find free online videos of women stripping out of lingerie? Previously: Liaison Dangereuse reminds us that Muslim women wear hot lingerie too. And here's six previous lingerie videos (some nsfw).

Big Boobs-vertising of the Week.

(click image, via) Translation: "Book for five and you go free." TMF Travel says it's targeting 16-24 year-old Belgian males with those ten guns. Direct hit, I believe. In fact, I'm sure many of these outdoor posters won't be staying up for long.
Ad agency: Duval Guillaume, Antwerp.
I'll say it again: TITS. WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL (some nsfw)?

Maybe the dumbest Photoshopped ad ever.

(click ad, via) GET IT?!?
THE BRAIN IS BEING IRRIGATED. SO'S IT GROWS. THAT'S WHAT READING DOES TO YOUR BRAIN. IT GROWS IT. THAT VISUAL IS WATER TORTURE. Ad is for some Portuguese bookseller.
Ad agency: Fuel, Lisbon. Previously in: Painfully Bad Photoshop.

Man would rather watch TV than f*ck Gisele Bündchen.

The Boobs from Brazil is the official spokesmodel for SKY HDTV there. I'm with the man, she's too mannish-looking for my tastes. Get me a beer Gis, I'm watching some HD soccer. The rare ad that demeans both sexes. Ad agency: Giovanni+DraftFCB. Previously: Bündchen mocks Uma Thurman in SKY Kill Bill ad.

Anti-Abortion group "celebrates" Black History Month with controversial billboard.

(click ad, via Gothamist) This NYC billboard via the Life Always group is hanging near 6th Ave., in Soho. Said Life Always Board Member Pastor Stephen Broden:
"During Black History Month, we celebrate our history, but our future is in jeopardy as a genocidal plot is carried out through abortion."
Genocidal plot? I'll leave further commentary to you. Related: Russian anti-abortion posters.

Ad Creep Update: women's thighs.

(click image, via) How's this for invasive advertising? Superette, an Auckland boutique chain, wanted to promote a short shorts sale. From ad agency DDB Auckland's press note:
"We put indented plates on bus stop, mall, and park benches, so that when people sat down, the message was imprinted on their thighs. This meant that as well as having branded seats, a veritable army of free media was created, with thousands of imprints being created and lasting up to an hour."
And, out of those "thousands" of imprints, probably none were readable. Is this the most invasive Ad Creep yet? Compare to this ADT one and these fake car damage stickers. Previously, Superette produced print ads featuring gory death scenes. Related: Dutch S&M magazine's Branding Paddle (nsfw).

(slightly nsfw) Oral Sex? No. Castration.

The point of this terribly conceived/produced/edited German commercial? Stop anaesthetic-free piglet castration. I previously posted the equally stupid print ads. Ad agency: Frese & Wolff.

Link Haze, 2/23/11.

(image via)
• tattoo of the day.
• Lego Flatiron building.
• The nerdiest t-shirt ever.
• Jesus spotted on rocking chair.
• The Jeopardy! porn parody is here.
• ...and the bassoon is damn hard to play.
• The Japanese Dr. Pepper can is awesome.
• Mad reimagines famous Economist billboard.
• The great state of Indiana weighs in on Wisconsin.

This post is for all you guilt-ridden Graphic Designers.

(click image, via)
Previously: the Art Director's checklist.

F*CK YOU, Tropicana orange juice.

(click ad, via) You've got to kidding with this ad, right DDB London? OJ makes Monday "the best day of all?" That bottle better be half fucking vodka (or washing down 2 Klonopins) to put even the slightest happy-dent in my fucking Monday. From the agency press note:
"Stunningly simple, the bright and visually engaging artwork reflects the optimism of the Tropicana brand, using a different pep-talk mantra each day to encourage the reader to think positively about the day ahead, and attack it in a Tropicana way."
Shut the fuck up, Tropicana.
Here's the other four ads from the campaign.
Related: the most disgusting juice ad ever.

Will Libyan mouses bring down Gaddafi?

(click ad, via osocio) Now that facebook and twitter have overthrown the ruling governments of Egypt and Tunisia, freedom fighting Libyans are aiming their curses and cursors at Muammar (who is still waiting for his Coke® money), though the desperate despot has vowed to kill pretty much everybody or die a martyr. Wonder if his hot virgin bodyguards will go down with him? Ad is for the International Society for Human Rights, who also previously sicced their mouses on Kim Jong-il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

The violent-est candy ad ever (rated R, for gore).

Mentos, the former Freshmaker, has taken the cRaZy candy ad meme a little too far, maybe? Skittles is of course the undefeated, undisputed king of candy cRaZy. Swedish Fish did it. Snickers has been doing it for awhile. But this, well—it is very bloody. More of "Dragee" tk, I'm sure. Ad agency: The Martin Agency.

The most sexist tampon ad ever.

(click ad, via) Fucking periods, right guys? Wow. That's bad, even for Italians. What, exactly, is Tampax saying here? They've invented a tampon that delays periods? That their tampon—unlike all others—staunches the bleeding, allowing man to ram his cock into woman's clean vagina? Is the man God, who's about to fuck Mother Nature? Ad agency: Leo Burnett, Milan. Previous tampon ads:
• The Kotex Beaver.
• Tampon DrainVertising.
• Mooncups for your Netherlands.
• Always sez put a starship up your cooter.
• In France, blood does come out of vaginas.

These Durex condom ads confuse the f*ck out of me.

(click ads, via) Ads titled "Anal" and "Oral" for Durex featherlite ultima condoms. Tagline: "Zero degrees of separation." OK, so (left) I'm ramming feathers into my lover's ass. But, what's going on with that "Oral" ad? Is that her chin? Is she sucking me off with a mouthful of feathers? I've heard of using Altoids and ice cubes. What the fuck, Singapore? Ad agency: 3-sixty Brand Communications. Here's nine previous Durex ads. And here's more What The Fuck, Singapore? ads.

cRaZy JApaN Ad of the Day: the craziest sushi commercial ever!

It's Ichiban Insane! It's got the three things the Japanese love the most: insanity, raw fish, and bukkake! Note, after the man-tuna starts running to the rice-woman, he appears to be sporting at least partial wood. If you don't know what the ancient practice of bukkake involves, here's 4 more ads with soaked female face imagery. And click here to watch 13 more cRaZy JApaN commercials! Via boingboing.

Link Haze, 2/21/11.

(image via)
• Brain hat.
• Dick Tater Ship.
• Tom Hanks thank you card.
• Europe according to Berlusconi.
• Ernie the sponge-fucking hedgehog is back.
• somebody has way too much time on their hands.
• somebody has way WAY too much time on their hands.
• NASCAR fans: shining beacons of hope in dark times.

(nsfw) The Latest from American Apparel's Crack Ad Team.

(click ad) : Ass Crack (nsfw)—the go-to creative linchpin of the pants-optional CEO. Ah—but is it girl crack or boy crack? The gloves are "unisex." The flatness of the butt seems to maybe possibly point to boy ass. Butt! The smooth hairlessness of the skin (especially on the arms) points to girl ass. I refuse to guess, though. You guess in the comments, if you want. The Fingerless design is perfect for lovers inserting digits into buttholes while writhing in drafty Brooklyn lofts. Update: It's girl crack, of course.

Russian man gets eye chart tattooed on back.

(via English Russia) Why? To make passes at chicks with glasses? Apply for a job at the local ophthalmologist? So's he can donate his back to science after he dies? Can you please read the bottom line for me? Previously in: cRaZy RuSsIA.

XL Condom Ads of the Week.

(click ads, via) So big, you can make balloon animals out of them. Sorry, not hyperbolic enough; should have made them life-size. In for an inch, in for a mile (that's what she sa...nevermind). Also, the idea of condom balloon animals has been done much better before. Ad agency: Leo Burnett, Belgium. You wanna see some batshit crazy XL condom print ads? Here ya go. Related: follow the links in this Monica Lewinsky flavored condom ad to see about 50 more prophylactic ads.

The worst anti-smoking spot I've ever seen.

(via) Compare to: the worst anti-smoking billboard I've ever seen. Here, stupid visual puns are even worse than stupid verbal puns. Is the insufferable Kenneth punneth Cole, the Worst Copywriter In The History of Advertising™, now shooting European PSAs on the side? Because this is nuclear stupid. The acting and the direction just add to the awfulness. Produced by Austria's Good Food Studio.

Now this is an entertaining Dont Drink/Drive video.

Message gotten, without excessive preachiness. Will it do any good? who cares.
Client: Danish Road Safety Council. Ad agency: Made In Valby, Denmark. Related: five unusual ambient anti-drunk driving ads. Also, this violent Russian billboard.
update: a second video in the series about texting and driving (thanks Steve).

Cutesy Wootsy Ad Friday: The cutest toothpaste ads ever!

(click ads, via) Aquafresh Milk Teeth is for kids up to three years old. Look at cute Gummy Cobra and Jackhammer Rabbit, poised to decimate your little one's teeth—cutely! Gawd, so cute. OK, that's enough of that puke. I hate cute. And I hate kids.
Ad agency: ACW Grey, Israel. Previously in: Cutesy Wootsy Friday.

Who sucks more: Verizon or AT&T? New Yorkers vote with their gum.

(click image, via Bowery Boogie) Poster hanging on Lafayette St. near Spring. Early results are telling. Erected by GumElection.com. Related:
• Can you hear me dying now?
• Can you hear me drowning now?
• Can you hear me saying 'fuck you!' now?
• Can you hear me laughing at your dumb 54-acre ass now?

This is how Walgreens is celebrating Black History Month.

(click image) Hm. That product doesn't seem to be on the official Walgreens black-owned businesses celebration list. Well, slaves picked a jumbo load of cotton, amirite? Probably nothing malicious here. Probably. Hey, MLK is right now selling VWs in South Africa. Via MultiCultClassics. Previously:
• Tea Party favor.
• Marriott hotels: hip without the hop.
• the most racist toothpaste commercial ever made.

(nsfw) Do these breast cancer ads bug you, ladies?

(click ads, via) I'm so sorry for that headline. Copy translation: "More than 80% of lumps are benign. Do not be afraid. Do a breast self-exam." Because, women are scared of self-exams. And bugs, of course. Fyi: all-male creative team. The art director, I'm sure, spent days Photoshopping all kinds of bug images onto many, many shots of boobs. Client: Associação da Luta Contra o Cancer. Ad agency: DDB Mozambique. Previously in: Breast Cancer Awareness Ads (some NSFW).

Continuing with Vagina Ad Week on copyranter.

(click ad) It's actually been Genital Ad Week, what with the vintage feminine hygiene spray ads and the POV vagina commercial and the Hong Kong dong pill packages. This is obviously not a new ad (it's from January 2009) for the Veet brand of feminine hair removal (it was pretty widely covered), but I hadn't posted it before. If it's new to you, this is how to do a borrowed interest idea. You know ad agency Euro RSCG Australia had this baby in the chute for years.

Finally, a Yogurt for Hardass Men.

(via) It is a fear that grips men the world over by the nut sack: being perceived as a pussy. This fear, fed mostly by beer ads, seems especially vivid in Australia and New Zealand. Recent evidence: These Kiwi beer commercials (one, two) that stuck brand flags in the asses of rugged men, and these Aussie beer campaigns (one, two) that mercilessly mocked wimpy Metrosexuals.
Now, the Mammoth (like my penis) Supply Company would like to let Kiwi males know that there exists a thick yogurt they can eat without detaching their dicks. This is not Julian Assange's yogurt. The script reads like an informal marketing study. Look for the popcorn cock grab. Ad agency: Shine Unlimited, Auckland.

The most pairs of panties ever in an ad.

(click ad, from the 1970s, via) Also, probably the creepiest Mom ever in a panty ad. Look at that expression. Is she a panty-stealing serial killer? Does she take her daughter panty shopping for weeks on end? Did the two of them just raid a Taiwanese panty factory? Is that her daughter? Is Mom wearing any panties? "Sensuous thongs?" In the 70s?
Related: the epic American Apparel Panty Video.

NYC Fashion Week report: some senseless fashion ads.

(click ads) I've had these bookmarked for months. Why cat-headed men? Because you're a stupid American slob, that's why. Antichi Telai is an Italian men's label. I like the milk one. The bird cages are forced.
Thus concludes this copyranter fashion week report.
For more senseless but edgy fashion ads, go here (nsfw) and here.

Hong Kong dong pills packaging (nsfw).

(click images, via) Top to Bottom, Left to Right: Fuck like a Canadian sea lion; "Super is fierce male your time"; He's very hard, obvs; Approved by the World Sex Association (who?); the orgy choice—"takes effect in 15 minutes and last for 180 hours; And what appears to be "The Rock"—no explanation needed. Previously:
• 8 Viagra ad campaigns from around the world.
• the best of penis enhancement spam advertising.

Wanted: Aussie art director seeks copywriter with a big penis.

(click ad, via) At least, that's what I think she's after. Said Young: "I've searched in my circle of colleagues for a writer, and have come up short." Unattached out-of-work CWs Down Under? Does Sonia's ad inspire you? Drop her an email with a new headline for this layout. Sonia, you might want to get a hold of the Russian copywriter who worked on this phallic ad. Previously in: ad phallicism.

918 people died to bring you this billboard.

(click billboard, via adrants) I'm all for dark borrowed interest humor in advertising—as long as it makes a scrap of sense. This Jonestown riffing ad for a Michigan Mexican restaurant chain does not. Says La Señorita's VP of Sales and Marketing Jeff Leslie: "...we know that not everyone will get the humor of our ads and we accept that, we do not expect that our ads will offend people." Yes, we won't "get" it. Maybe if it was for a Guyanese restaurant? No. Previously in inappropriate ad humor:
• 9/11.
• anorexia.
• The Blind.
• Alzheimer's.
• the bp oil spill.
• domestic violence.

Link Haze, 2/16/11.

(image via)
• Mac vs. PC.
• Stay classy, Texas.
• Client speak via a bear.
• 11 wizards who are not wizards.
• hp takes a walk on the idiotic side.
• Banksy keeps bombing Hollywood.
• I'd like to see the closet space first.
• NZ Police ad with stupid Cougar joke.
• Nissan models vs. SI swimsuit models.
• Justin Bieber says rape happens for a reason.
• Brooklyn drug dealer's ace media placement.

Retouching studio uncreatively mocks homely overweight women.

(via) This would be a choice assignment for any CW or AD: there are endless ways to smartly sell the digital chops of a retoucher. This is not one of them. All male creative team, unsurprisingly. Client: Cake Imagery. Ad agency: DDB Vancouver, who previously promoted themselves using a bikini model retouched with mismatched DD and B boobs (get it?). Previous retoucher ads:
• (nsfw) He's a cockeyed optimist.
• (nsfw) Russian retoucher's creepy ad.
• Do you girls suck dick with that creativity?

(nsfw-ish) Gratuitous Ass-vertising of the Week.

(click ad, via) Hey, I ♥ a bubble butt way more than the next ass man. But this piece of Ass-vertising for some spa in Delhi is a tad forced. I don't know my Indian first names very well, but it appears to be an all-male creative team behind this viz of an apple-bottomed woman drowning in a bubble bath. Ad agency: Out Of The Box, Delhi, India. Related: here's nine previous stops on the Gratuitous Ass-vertising World Tour (some nsfw).

Sexist Vintage Feminine Hygiene Spray Ad of the Week.

(click ad from 1969,, via) It's pussy care day on copyranter! Hopefully, this doesn't become a weekly feature. Last week, Demure vaginal spray made hippie hoo-ho smell like a whisper of mint. Today, the Pristine brand will turn this young woman's frown upside down by keeping "the most girl part of you...fresh and free of any worry-making odors. So, she can be "an attractive, nice-to-be-with girl."

Gandhi, Mother Teresa selling gum in India.

(click ads, via) They're (digitally) made of gum! Meh, why the fuck not? What the hell good are these dead do-gooders doing in the world these days, anyway? Gandhi's already previously sold newspaper in Denmark. Shit, Martin Luther King, Jr. is currently selling VWs in South Africa, and Nelson Mandela is selling car air fresheners. Ad agency: McCann Erickson India. Related: 11 celeb ad sellouts.

Classic TV spot: POV Vagina (sfw).

(via) 2009 commercial for hoo-ha cleaner Lactacyd that was much lauded by the blogdom. Could have been shot much better. Of course, the moment that is glaringly missing is the man's sheathed or unsheathed one-eyed monster (and maybe his tongue) blocking out the pussy vision. Ad agency: Grey Amsterdam. Previously in: VaginaVertising.

Link Haze, 2/14/11.

(image via)
• Hamburglar, IRL.
• Mac fanboys GIF.
• Sarah Palin, 2012.
• Disney subliminal sex.
• Royal Wedding barf bag.
• NYPD is getting a new siren.
• Giant butt billboard in Jersey.
• Highbrow Valentine's Day message.
• State Farm's Valentine's Day message.
• Blush lingerie Valentine's Day street ad.
• The Arnold Schwarzenegger murder conspiracy.

Happy Valentine's Day from American Apparel (nsfw).

(click ad) From LA Weekly. Somewhat surprisingly, the pants-optional CEO didn't shoot porn star Faye Valentine for the ad.

The most graphic Valentine's Day ad I could find.

(click ad, via) Hard penis. What the Day is all about. For online sex shop sexyavenue.com. From 2007. Ad agency: Extreme Springer & Jacoby, Paris. Related: sexyavenue.com's
Lion Sex Video (nsfw).

The dumbest Valentine's Day ad I could find.

(click ad ,via) I looked through hundreds of dumb V-Day ads. This was the dumbest. Here's a double shit burger sweetie, will you marry me? From 2004. Ad agency: TBWA Paris. Previous dumbest ads:
• dumbest coffee ad.
• dumbest tampon ad.
• dumbest hockey ads.
• dumbest condom ad.
• dumbest Water Day ad.
• dumbest investment ad.
• dumbest bookseller ad.
• dumbest WonderBra ad.
• dumbest motorcycle ads.
• dumbest weed wacker ad.
• dumbest protein drink ad.
• dumbest domestic violence ads.
• and the dumbest ad I've ever seen.