Russian Crazy® Cola Spot is F*cking Crazy.

In new Russia, cola drink you (I know I know, kill that meme). Anyway, Russia's Office of Federal Antimonopoly Service (FAS) has moved to ban this big money campaign via huge Saint Petersburg brewery Baltika because, according to adme.ru., the cola's tagline—Soak This Boredom—is "provocative and bringing in an aggressive mood of society." Also, the Russian word for boredom is apparently very close to a swear word. (Can any Russian readers confirm this? update: see comments.) Recently, the FAS also banned this big butt billboard.
Well. I think the FAS has much bigger, nuder fish to fry (nsfw).

Art Director Gone Wild! Scary Levi's Kids campaign.

(click ads, via) These demon scamps were created using a mirror effect and digital manipulation by BBH Singapore to try to hawk Levi's kids clothing to parents. Many parents, I'm guessing, went screaming in the other direction. The creatures have names: (left to right, top to bottom) Wiggly Widow; Pink Batula (which means "virgin" in Arabic); Imp; and Dodo Belcher (?). This campaign just won a bronze something or other at the Spikes Asia ad awards. WHAT THE FUCK, Singapore?
Previously in: WHAT THE FUCK, Singapore?

Goldman Sachs's new ad blows sunshine up America's ass.

(click ad, via) The government bailed-out, 401k-destroying, woman-hating, investor defrauders are rolling out a brand new shiny image-polishing ad campaign starting with this little piece of feel-goodness running in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times.
You got your wind farm and your Mr. just-hired Hardhat and, gee-willikers, maybe these economy-destroying mega-rich pricks do have a heart of gold. Says GS spokesman David Wells:
"We're expanding our communication to a broader audience in an effort to promote a better understanding of who we are and what we do."
Well, David, thanks to a little more transparency than you cocksuckers are accustomed to, we already have a very keen understanding of who you are (criminals) and what you do (ruin lives). You wanna help repair your image? Here's what your ad should have been: a big fucking coupon giving every American $1,000 or so.
Campaign by Y&R NYC, paid for by you, the fucked-over American taxpayer. Maybe they can pool their ad dollars with bp, and run some co-op Green energy ads? The bp-ers are really struggling with their marketing messaging too.

Horny bald man killed by cheap hairpiece.

(via) It was his (wait briefly for it) downfall. If only our dead Indonesian hero had used Neril Aminexil anti-hair fail, "such tragedy...would never have happened." Very stupid. But hey, how often do you get to see somebody die in a commercial?

The shoe saleswoman in this Australian work safety spot looks like she's a goner. This drunk driver gets his brains blown out. And this pot-smoker buys it in a driving high snuff film. But those are all preachy PSAs, so it's kind of expected. Spot by Publicis Jakarta. Related: Bald man takes out bank loan to buy his car a toupee (the strangest bank spot ever).

WonderBra Ad of the Week.

(image via) By Dutch agency Aap Eet Banaan. Real or fake, unknown (just like boobs encased in a WonderBra). It is the simplest WonderBra ad I've seen. And I've seen lots of them. 3-D. A big breasted big bad wolf. A woman who can't see her feet. The subtlest WonderBra ad ever. Dead woman coffin humor. Pancake tits. Funny subway installation. Glass-breaking knockers. And dangerous button-popping.
Students? Some advice: don't put spec WonderBra ads in your portfolio.

Samsung to launch 100 paper planes 21 miles above Earth.

(caveat: this smells badly like a fake) Jesus, what a bombastically stupid stunt, via London's Viral Factory—your worldwide stupid-quarters for bombastically stupid ad stunts. Just typing up this event is giving me a fucking headache. Here's what they're doing to try to help sell Samsung memory cards:
They're sending paper planes up in a weather balloon which will be launched next month sometime from somewhere in county Cambridgeshire, UK. In the planes will be the cards with messages on them from you. Go here if you're itching to upload a history-changing missive. Once launched from "the edge of space," Samsung is I guess hoping that most of the planes land on land, not sea. The few people (uh, none?) who find the planes will also find instructions to contact Samsung so that sender and receiver can come together and be friends and maybe fuck each other, I guess. Just, plane, stupid.

Manila street kids turned into walking ads for themselves.

(click images, via) A t-shirt is certainly less cumbersome than a sandwich board! This happened last spring, but just got posted today on BestAdsOnTV. According to the press note from Manila ad agency Bates 141, almost 100,000 children live on the streets of the Philippine capital. So, on behalf of non-profit Tulakabataan, they dressed thousands of the urchins in these cute t-shirts ahead of a May 10th election.
No word on the success or failure of the campaign, but I'm sure other edgy advertisers would love to take advantage of 100,000 walking street posters. Get on that, Bates. You could donate some or even all of the media money to helping the kids get food and stuff. (You're gonna wanna keep them on the streets, though.) Previously in: Street Advertising.

SKYY Bottle=Penis. Again.

(click ad, via) Skyy is hard. Skyy is hung. And, assuming Skyy's balls are also blue, Skyy is horny as fucking hell. The US media's got their crotchless panties in a bunch over this new ad featuring a woman being rammed hard by the San Francisco vodka.
Says Maura McGinn, Skyy's marketing director, "It's about the content of our product. We're an adult product consumed mostly in the evening and in flirtatious situations."
The content of your product? Is it infused with semen? Anyway, this is not the first time Skyy has banged out the forceful phallicism. A flavored Skyy ad from 2008 not only featured the bottle as penis, but cherries as balls.
Previously in alcohol bottle phallicism: Bud. Campari. Fragoli.

Maybe the best PETA ad ever?

(click ad, via) That's, granted, not saying much, but still. It's an old anti-rodeo ad, but new to me. It unfortunately continued the organization's ongoing execution style of sexually exploiting women—a style that has pissed off and put off countless females (and some males). Anyway, I've posted many of their idiotic, insensitive, sexist ads (round-up here), and this one—strictly from an ad classroom standpoint—is the best of the bunch.

How about a serious ad post for a change?

(click ad, via) I feel a little dirty with all the sexual adverts I've posted today. Drag queen Ben Franklin. Naked cello-woman. Teen mom nipple ring. Naomi Campbell torturing a naked Russian mobster. The Jolly Green Giant pole-dancing. So: here's an ad that ran in August in the National Post created by Cossette Montreal for the Red Cross seeking aid for the poor Pakistani flood victims—who've been roundly ignored by the American media. Not a Gold Lion winner, but you get the point. Previously: Red Cross Eye Bank ad scary as hell.

(nsfw) Creepy Sexualized Retouching of the Week.

(click image) The Devil's cello? (Where's the minion's bow, though?) Adme.ru recently posted a collection of prints by Russian retouchers. This disturbing image is by Andrey Razoomovsky, who specializes in creepy sexualized shots (like this nsfw set). His stuff is pretty cheesy. But, in new Russia, everything SEX (nsfw)! Previously in Creepy Sexualized Retouching: Penis Eye Man • Tri-Breasted Woman.

Was Ben Franklin a flaming homo? Discuss.

(click ad, scanned from my Advertising Week 2010 guide) Answer: apparently no. The 7th annual autoerotic circle jerk known as Advertising Week NYC is going down this week. Yesterday, a LGBT discussion panel was held at the Paley Center. This is how the Publicis Groupe chose to promote the event. I guess(?) they're attempting to visualize gay consumer spending? This kind of murky creative just makes me ill. Previous terrible Advertising Week ads: Kirshenbuam creatives blow Richard Kirshenbaum • Y&R thanks me for fucking you.

Jolly Green Giant used to be a pole-dancing fireman stripper.

(click ad, from 1952, via) "He's green, he's mean, he's got what you need in between, ladies!" I doubt that he was wearing even a thong. That'll freeze your peas. Previous vintage Jolly Green Giant ads: you can almost see his niblets in this upskirt ad • he used to be less giant, more scary.

(mildly nsfw) Naomi Campbell torturing naked Russian mobster.

(click images, via) Russia mafia influenced shoot From the October issue of Interview, by fashion photography "pioneers" (not my description) Mert & Marcus, who recently sexily shot Cindy Crawford in Moscow. Look at coquettish Naomi, going against type. Very reminiscent of Viggo Mortensen's brutal naked fight scene from Eastern Promises. Previously: mini Naomi Campbell terrorizes sleeping maid.
update: Jezebel says Campbell is comforting him. It's Naomi. I assume the worst.

(nsfw) the pierced nipple in this ad actually makes sense.

(click ad, via) Which sets it apart from most bOObsVertising—though, that certainly doesn't make it a good ad. It's running in the most recent issue of Seventeen magazine. Kidding. This is a Serbian ad by Belgrade's McCann Erickson, the agency that created this questionable suicide prevention bridgevertising in August. I will never watch the show—or any MTV show—unless forced to, Clockwork Orange style.
Previous racy MTV ads:
• MTV Brazil—ShitVertising,
• MTV Belgium—rabbits fucking.
• MTV Dubai—chewing gum=fucking.
• MTV Argentina—gym class erections.
• MTV Brazil—vintage porn safe sex ads.
• MTV Argentina—our viewers are idiots.
• MTV Belgium—AIDS pubic-hairvertising.

Classic Harley-Davidson spot from 2006.

(via) Ad agency: Ogilvy, South Africa.
Related: the T&A motorcycle helmets (kinda nsfw).

Suicide prevention hotline projected onto Belgrade death river.

(click image, via) Ad Creep Update time! Now that is some Point Of Purchase advertising, amirite? Get it? Purchase? I Fucking crack myself the fuck up sometimes. Anyway, here's the story: On average, 1,500 Serbians commit suicide every year, about 40 of them by jumping from Belgrade's bridges. So, the Serbian office of ad agency McCann Erickson created this (Danube) river projection message with the phone number of the local suicide prevention office and the line "you are not alone." Maybe not! There could be yet another depressed Serb waiting for you to jump. It also makes a nice jumping target. Neither of those comments is at all funny, sorry. Yes, this is real, not Photoshopped. It happened in August.
Previous suicide prevention ads: Depressing • Idiotic • Hilarious.

THE most magnificent cigarette ad ever.

(click ad, unknown date, via) Was I being hyperbolic? No, I was not, was I? Try to look away from the flying, smiling, smoking Pegasus with dragon wings. Why they were not called Pegasus cigarettes, I haven't a clue. Par for crazy Japan. Update: from 1902. Previously:
• the most magnificent gay bath house ad ever.
• the most magnificent AIDS prevention ads ever.

Kate Moss in 3D—what the world has been waiting to see.

Wow, right? Fucking paradigm shifting. It was lensed by Baillie Walsh, who produced the "legendary" holographic film of CokeWoman for Alexander McQueen's autumn/winter 2006 show. The video was shot at 1,000 frames per second (ooh), and is promoting AnOther Magazine, somehow.
Says AnOther: "With a performance that recalls the fantastical cinema of Ray Harryhausen, James Bidgood and Kenneth Anger, KM3D-1 places at its centre one of the most iconic female figures of the modern age. Suspended in time and space, Kate is caught inexorably in the parallax gap; a butterfly in a spider's web."
What hooey. Ping me when they shoot her ass (nsfw) in 3-D to sell something.
Previously: WonderBra's 3-DD billboard.

Watch six gay men kill each other over the color pink.

Haha, yes, it's pretty funny, this parody of the classic "Mr. Pink" scene from Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs. It's promoting the 2011 Queer Lisboa 15 film festival next September. It was shown at this past weekend's festival. The pink/gay thing, though, is a bit tired and a bit insulting. Pink=Women, too! Wonder what Steve Buscemi thinks of the vid? By Lisbon ad agency Fuel. Previously in: insulting gay stereotyping in advertising.

This will (maybe) be the dumbest ad I post this week.

(click ad, scanned last week) Cirque de Doucheil. No, it's not the dumbest ad I've ever seen. (That's probably this one or maybe this one.) But why—you may be asking yourself—are these two jackass acrobats reading their laptop/newspaper in such a jackassy way? They're travelers FINDING BALANCE. GET IT? A previous ad from this campaign featured a female acrobat balancing an apple on her toe. Both ads are part of Residence Inn's new campaign tagged "master the long trip." See the apple toe woman ad and others, and read Marriott's strategic explanation here. Previously: today's ad headline that's invited to fellate copyranter's penis.

Link Haze, 9/24/10.

• Ha!
• Oops.
• Etch-A-Sketch iPad.
• God save the Queen?
• Roger Federer's sweaty pits stay in the spot.
• Vote in the Tracy Awards Cream of the Crap.
• Tom Waits' deleted scene from Mystery Men.
• Shirtless boys pulling on each other on the digital cover of Vogue Hommes Japan.
• Boo-hoo. Top creatives aren't having fun anymore. Welcome to seven years ago for me, whiny dickheads.

the strangest cola ads ever.

(click ads, via) Club-Mate drinks are popular with German club kids (according to Wikipedia) because of their high-caffeine, low-sugar content. To promote their new cola flavor, ad agency Jung von Matt produced these minimalistic head illustrations with see-saw eyebrows. Next, they added an anthropomorphised Club-Mate bottle doing one of two things: turning frowns upside down, or opening sleepy eyes. I think the agency was going for the latter, but I read it first as the former. Either way, just fucking strange. Here's a roundup of previous insane ads that I sorta liked. And here's six of the strangest commercials ever made.

Republican Congressional candidate's idiotic Old Spice parody.

(via MTLB) He's Jerry Labriola, the man your Congressman could be, and he's running against Democrat incumbent Rosa DeLauro in Connecticut's third district. The Old Spice whistle mnemonic at the end is a nice touch. Please sue him, Procter & Gamble? Or kill him, Ray Lewis? Previous political ads: funny, mediocre, and bad.

This week's vintage ad that made women look like idiots.

(click ad, from a 1952 Life magazine, via) Not often you see the word "plaint" in an ad. Also: three methods of suicide. Sweetheart, you better put that small caliber girlie gun in your mouth, to make sure. Or, just pick up some of Charles Antell's Formula 9 shampoo. Previous vintage ads that made women look like idiots:
• the "housewife headache."
• drink Dr. Pepper and "be a Mindsticker."
• Horsewoman refuses to buy Electrolux fridge.
• Give me the damn car keys and go vaccum, Mrs. McCrash.
• make women with bad breath wear bells around their necks.

Four Ads Mocking Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with Photoshop.

(click ads) Art directors of the world unite! As you may have heard, the Iranian Presidictator is in town this week at the U.N. again claiming that the United States orchestrated the 9/11 attacks on itself, adding "The majority of the American people as well as most nations and politicians around the world agree with this view."
In response—risking my life—I've posted these ads from the last year or so making the handsome 53 year-old look like a doofus. The top two are via the International Service for Human Rights (ISHR). The bottom left ad is from Reporters Without Borders. And the the fourth and funniest ad, featuring the despot holding a weapon of mass saturation, is by Amnesty International Belgium.
Anybody wanna see my Prophet Muhammad sketches?
Related: creative critique of Robert Mugabe's horrible campaign poster.

Naked Woman Casio Watch Bus Wrap.

(click image) Details on this rather lewd, accident-inviting bus advert are unknown, but it's hawking Casio Baby-G watches—"tough watches, but in a femme style." Ke$ha is a brand ambassador. That doesn't appear to be Ke$ha on the bus. Found here. I'm tired today. Previous bus ads: Snake On A Mutherfuckin' Bus • Sergei knows cervixes. • Ill-timed Target bus.

Watch this woman's ass jiggle for 20+ seconds.

At least I think it's a woman, though men wear nail polish these days, too. It's more stupidness from Diesel's new "kickass" sneaker campaign. Yesterday, we saw a big motorized sneaker chasing down and kicking a big motorized ass. See more videos here. Search copyranter's ample AssVertising archive here. I'm tired today.

The most powerful domestic violence awareness advertising I've ever seen.

(via) Jesus, so simple. Nothing else needs to be said. For one brief bloody minute, advertising serves a purpose in the world. By Y&R Chicago. Here's five previous domestic violence spots from around the world that range from not bad to terrible. Update: note the video is stupidly mistitled "Coalition Against Battered Women."

The Homer escalator is EPIC.

(click image, via) It's apparently a Photoshopped fake, via two Brazilian creatives, but—what the fuck—it's damn cute. I HATE CUTE.
Previously: Meet the Angolan Simpsons.

DIESEL sneakers kick ass. Literally.

(via) Oh you're so cheeky, Diesel. My view: anyone who pays 160 bucks for such an ugly-ass pair of sneaks should be kicking themselves in the ass. But then Diesel, as you probably know by now, insists that its customers Be Stupid.
To see more stupidity, Here's a round-up of recent Diesel campaigns.

Beer brand inadvertently(?) promotes pot on billboard.

(click image, via) Wrap my hands around a fatty? Sure thing, and fuck your shitty-tasting piss beer. Didn't you St. Louis marketing idiots get the memo from California? You're supposed to be fighting to kill marijuana legalization. Previously in Weed: Spliff-erific Weeds poster • Hypnotic hemp store poster.

Award-winning "don't drive sleepy" ads.

(click ads, via) Well shit my pants, I like something. They're for the Thai Health Promotion Foundation by BBDO Bangkok. The campaign just won a Bronze Lion at the Asian Cannes ad festival. OK, they are creepy, as most close-up eye-vertising is. But they draw you in and hit you with that bing! (post not sponsored by Microsoft) creative moment which is sorely lacking in most of today's adwork. What do you think, hard-to-please art directors? Previous ads copyranter has liked:
here, here, and here.

Get into your bud Mary Jane's pants with Cannabis Cologne.

(click ad, from 1981, via) Yes, this is a real ad. I've just cropped off the bottom coupon portion of it. The hyperbolic copy (read it) is stoned out of its mind. Oh where have you gone, Stash? Previously in: bygone sexxxy 70s/80s products for studs: The Love Rug™. The Oral Sex phone. The Me Jane hangers. And the Time To Fuck watch.

So, Multiple Sclerosis turns you into a Furry?

(click ads, via) Inappropriate PSA Ad Week continues on copyranter. Hey, don't blame me for turning this into a sexual post. YOU'RE the crazy borderline bestiality fucks who are into dressing up like animals and fucking. I know catdog girl and deerhunter here are turning some of you on.
Anyway, the campaign—for the MS Society of New Zealand by TBWA/Tequila in Auckland—is saying—badly—that MS causes your brain and body to fight each other. Creative note: What's with hard-to-read typeface, left-braindead art director? Previous Furry Ads: DIESEL and DIESEL again.

The Dirtiest Condom Ads Ever.

(click ads) How old are these models? Anyway, translation: "Spring Has Arrived." Tulipan is a popular prophylactic brand in South America. September 21st marked both the first day of Spring and Student Day in Argentina. Put one and one together, and you get the pictures. There are boys in the campaign too, but they're not that cute. By Y&R, Buenos Aires. Oh, you wanted to see the dirtiest condom ad ever? That would be either this one, this one, or these (seriously nsfw).

Frederick's of Hollywood wigs of 1963.

(click image, via) I think my mom had the "Jackie" (JFK not dead yet!) top row, middle. Note the Widow's Peak wiglet (ha!), and the Scamp—"No fuss! No styling! Just comb & go!" (very scampish behavior).
Previous retroslutty Frederick's catalog pages:
• 1966—Bikinis to burn in!
• 1963—puff puff blow-up bras!
• 1964—get that "marry a millionaire" look!

Something I don't want to see in the NYC subway: a gas mask warning.

(click images, via) Gothamist already covered this end-of-summer New York City subway car takeover campaign from Gillette deodorant and bodywash, but this post is for my millions of national and international readers.
I spotted these on the A train a couple weeks back, and was a little surprised they were approved by the MTA. Ha, YES, very funny: Official looking gaseous warning posters erected inside what is quite possibly the next bombing/gassing targets for Al-Qaeda terrorists. Plus, as anybody who's ridden the subway for the past 25 years will tell you, the cars smell like fucking botanical gardens these days, comparatively speaking.
Am I being too sensitive? Yes, of course. But this is what I do as this copyranter character: find fault with everything.
Previous ill-advised subway ads:
• Bad timing, Iceland.
• Chicago: spuds for C.H.U.D.s.
• The Ricola "mystery" cougher.
• Fuck You, America's peanut farmers.
Related: the wonderful Japanese subway etiquette posters.

UK Brewery lets product get rammed up some dude's ass.

(via) Oh sorry, gave away the ending (heh). Nice robe. It's always a creative dilemma: How to insert (heh) the product into the spot without making it seem forced (heh). Frosty Jack's cider ( a product of UK brewery Aston Manor) is taking the well-worn "anti-conventional" route with their new online video venture. What it really is, is the well-worn pro-idiot male route. For low-end alcohol advertisers these days, it's either that strategy, or the well-worn anti-Metrosexual route, or the well-worn pro-misogyny route. More videos in the campaign here, including one where a moron seemingly blow-torches a wasp.

Let's all laugh at the French Alzheimer's sufferers.

(click ads, via) There's a right way to do Alzheimer's awareness advertising (here). And then there's this way; both are via France by the same agency, Saatchi & Saatchi Paris! Headlines: "Without your support, his/her fight is already lost." Look at old Bazooka Joe, the idiot. And Grandma—she's always a blast! (Those candles are supposed to represent dynamite, in cased you missed it.) It's OK to laugh at them though, they're just French models. Inappropriate PSA ad humor week continues on copyranter. Previously: the award-winning Alzheimer's USB eraser.

(sfw?) This woman's boobies go on forever.

(via) Wait for it...wait for it. (I swore I'd never type that, but this seemed to call for it.) This bit of boobsvertising is from 2007, but new to me. To launch instant messaging site ooVoo, London's The Viral Factory (who just produced this cute, ineffective dancing girl video for Samsung) went with tits. And how. Such a cheap, sexist (but shocking!) trick. Her innocent little comments help ("this is a boob-zag, which is kinda like a zig-zag, but..."), right? No, it's terrible. Previously: use your mouse to play with Edyta's magic boobs (nsfw).

Sexist Vodka Ad Contest: pick a winner.

(click ad, via) Daisy Walker emailed me this Eristoff vodka ad from 2007, via Dominican agency Grupo Novel (headline translation: "I don't want to be a gold digger, but there's just no other way of getting a Jaguar and an apartment."). And that got me thinking about how the tasteless liquor seems to be the catalyst for the most tasteless liquor ads.
In addition to Plug Face here, there's also:
• this ball-sucking ad for Skyy.
• this post-blowjob Bulgarian ad for Flirt vodka.
Pick a winner/loser in your mind, or in the comments, if so inclined.

German Auto Body Shop's Grab-AssVertising.

(click ad, via) Very loose translation: "Don't trust your body to others." Especially if you're rear-ended! Previously in: ASSVERTISING.

7-Eleven salutes USO with the most disgusting Slurpee ever.

(click ad, via) Introducing the brand new Blood & Sand Slurpee. It'll blow your brains out with flavor! Ad agency: Freshworks/TracyLocke in Dallas. Previous disgusting food ads: Subway's entrails sub • McDonald's finger fries • Fanta's strawberry tongue • Meat seasoning farm animal necrophilia • And the Spiderman 3 cobweb cheeseburger. Related: 1955—the most disgusting food ad in history.

(seriously nsfw) German Cosmo's tortured S&M shoot.

(click images, via Homotography) Previous stops on the racy fashion photo shoot world tour: Italy (nsfw). Sweden. Brazil. France. And the US (nsfw). Achtung, baby! In the latest "Sex & Art" issue of the German edition of Cosmopolitan, model Brian Shimansky and model-actress Eva Padberg don the leather, rope, and latex for the kind of photo shoot that Deutschland dominates über all other countries. Your guess is as good as mine as to whether or not that's Shimanksy's actual zuckerstange. Shots to appear in American Cosmo never. Previously: Deutsche mag ad features a German Shepherd licking a Teutonic fräulein's snatch (nsfw).