copyranter on ANIMAL NY: new NYC Vespa campaign.

"Don't Be A Gas-Hole." That's one of the headlines from a series of snipes posters soon to be hanging around NYC advertising the petrol-saving scooters. I added some more gas pun lines. Go read my lameness. Add your own! (link)

I am reduced to posting a BJ joke from the side of a London panel truck.

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How much have your tips sucked lately? This much? This much? Try this much. So in response, here's a Popsicle about to devoured by a randy bird on the side of a BEJAY's (get it?!?) ice cream and lollipops truck. BeJay's is a London wholesaler of those two lickable products. Related: y'all LICK like an envelopes manufacturing convention. previously in ads on the sides of trucks: mushrooming cans—FUNGTASTIC!; the Swedish Fish delivery truck is adorable; and the fcuk truck crashes and burns. (image via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ladies, do these custom bra ads appeal to you?

Ads for a bra-fitting boutique in Toronto feature a nude woman with fake measurement markings (mostly) covering her breasts. They certainly appeal to horndog men—but do they sell the service to women? XXers, go weigh in! (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Radar self-promo ads.

Usually when media pubs/Sites advertise themselves, they fail badly. But Radar's new print ads are actually a lot of fun. (link)

New badly Photoshopped PETA billboard cheers on sharks.

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Here in the midst of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, PETA presents a billboard they claim they'll be erecting "in cities that see the most shark attacks." That's nice. It's also most likely bullshit, because the billboard media companies know that these cities would immediately demand its removal, and PETA of course already knows this, too (This follows the same pattern as their Zombie Colonel Sanders Super Bowl commercials.). Now if they could convince Corey Feldman or Pamela Anderson or Jenna Jameson to go swimming in shark-infested waters as part of some sort of vegan publicity stunt, well I'd applaud that effort and give it a glowing write-up. related on Animal NY: PETA roasts SD State students; PETA skewers running of the bulls.

Dockside Douchebag.

(click ad to read copy)
In its extremely fucking annoying continuing ad series "live who you are," real estate behemoth Corcoran attempts to visualize what it sees as the ideal NYC area property buyers—whether it be the young affluent couple with the adorable three-story baby, or the newly-divorced ibanker father seeking a fuck duplex. Here, it's a smug, polo-shirted born-into-money Lothario who bought a small downtown wine bar and knows a couple of Coldplay songs. (scanned from last week's Corcoran supplement in the New York Times) related: Corcoran's laughably ironic Earth Day ad.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Wacky Chinese BenGay ad.

I didn't even know smelly BenGay was still being sold. Wasn't it banned for causing second-degree burns or something? Not In China! (link)

Link Haze, 7/26/08.

• the absolute best bus shelter poster for a guide dogs service I've ever seen. (link)
• the Penny Pranks vids for OfficeMax are decent. (link)
• Here's an interview with the Dutch students who created the Heineken "Fuck It" videos. Sorry, I still think they were connected to Heineken somehow. (link)
• I PITY THE...(nevermind). (link)
• "Good things come in pink boxes." (link)
• the Tan People will kill us all. (link)
• more Absolut World shittiness: these videos are heinously unwatchable. (link)
• whereas the Drunk History videos are heinously watchable. (link, via)
• a vagina tree with a squirrel on it. (link)
• Inside the ad process using the Stop sign as the assignment. (link)
• architects were charged with the assignment to make Starbucks look less like a place where automatons get their coffee. (link)
• a Vice mini-study of the decline of dorm room art. (link)
• Pitvertising? Yes, Pitvertising. (link)
• Drunken Stepfather blasts Kid Rock, who is very blastable. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Guinness Doggystyle Video.

Remember the Heineken blowjob vid that Heineken brass must positively abhor? Well, here's a Guinness :60 spot that's even racier. (link)

In this case, it's a stopper pistol.

(click ad for closer look)
The copy starts: China holds the current world record of executions with executing 1,010 people of 1,591 confirmed executions worldwide (the language is awkward because this is a translated version of the ad via BBDO in Hungary). Amnesty International has been all over the People's Republic in the year leading up to next month's Olympics—though the organization says they had nothing to do with these wonderfully art-directed award-winning AI Beijing ads. All these examples just go to show how easy (and fun!) it is to combine killing and sports into a tidy little print ad.

Ad witticism via NYC Museum of Sex.

Mommy, what's jism? Excellent self-promotional poster at the museum on 5th Avenue. This is one of the few advertisers for whom I would recommend adverts sans images—let the visitors' heads run wild. We went to the Museum of Sex back in January 2006 to see the Sex Machines exhibit. It was...interesting. (snapped by Brian Thompson). related: Transexualism. Autoeroticism. Homoeroticism. Lesbianism. Sexism. More sexism. Phallicism. More phallicism. And even more phallicism.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Buygone Ad.

Back in the 70s, Roy Steinmetz was an excellent corporate travel agent. The best, even. One year, his boss thought, in lieu of cash, a bottle of cheap whiskey would make a nice Christmas bonus. Roy thought otherwise. (link)

Snickers Insults Hungry People, Portraying Them As Killer Predators.

(click ads for closer look)
You may have read/heard about this week's industry kerfuffle in a vacuum caused by advertising's preeminent (to many) critic Bob Garfield in a column singling out recent "homophobic" TV spots, including two for Snickers (Why no mention of Dale Earnhardt's Big Mo' bar, Bob?). Well here, in this set of print ads for super-sized Snickers via Poland, Mars, Inc seems to be saying that extra hungry people are, in essence, no different than ugly, ravenous beasts. So incredibly insensitive. previous Snickers ads: this Halloween ad is one of the best candy ads ever. previous insulting candy bar ads: Swedish Fish ad insults cat lovers; M&Ms ad insults businesspeople; Butterfinger ad insults studious college kids.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: HSBC's creepy window ad.

Bank branch window ads should never be creepy. This one's creepy. (link)

HA HA Egypt! Ha?

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Regular readers of copyranter know I hate babies, children, and parents. But I certainly would never hurt a child. Or cook a child. So, I'm having a really hard time digesting the supposed humor of these ads for Bayer's Bepanthen first aid cream via ad agency JWT in Cairo, Egypt. The translated headline reads: "Heals their burns and your guilt, fast." O...K. Did these Egyptian Moms just finish reading Swift's A Modest Proposal? related: about.com's stupid pregnancy wordplay; today's lesson: the "C" words; Jake, the 13-year-old alcoholic; and NEVER SHAKE A BABY! update: do these ads alarm or amuse you? Go vote your opinion in an online poll. UPDATE: JWT Worldwide contacted me and said that these ads were not produced by any office of JWT and were not approved by Bayer. They've been removed by AdsOfTheWorld, the source.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: "Legalize Anal."

That's the headline from yet another piece by the fake American Apparel ad artist. It's in response to AA's 'Legalize LA' immigration reform poster that's currently up in several downtown NYC locations. (link)

SEND ME TIPS (please).

The copyranter hatebot generated little tip activity from you freeloaders. As did shoving disturbing photos in your faces. And sharing my freaky John McCain dreams with you. So now I'm BEGGING you: if you come across a bad/funny/great ad/billboard/poster, take a pic or scan it, and send it to me. If you come across one online that's NOT posted on the popular ad sites, send it to me. copyranter(at)hotmail(dot)com. Or, you can leave it here in the comments. I'll reward you by typing 'thank you' and your name in small black letters in the text of the related post.

"Hello? HELLO? Is the shoot over?"

(click image for closer look)
This image is from:
a) PETA anti-meat ad
b) summer issue of fetish mag Steers & Queers
c) David Lynch's next film
d) Diesel ad in the August Paper
(no fair checking the image's name)
previous Diesel ads: prosaically making fun of IKEA; woos the fcuk hoi-polloi.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: fake AA ad artist's tribute to The Joker.

The fake American Apparel ad prankster delivers a penis depiction again. This time, inserted between a pair of red luscious lips. (link)

Fake AA ad artist interacts with fake HBO ad.

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In previous posters placed next to other ads, the fake American Apparel ad prankster has 1) posited that iPod Girl is shiny and sheer under her skirt, and 2) told Hollywood and E where to stick it. Now, the artist graphically answers a vulgar ad for Tru Blood, a fake beverage hatched by HBO to help create buzz for its upcoming Fall vampire series True Blood. After several graphic depictions of the female nether region, this is the first penis we've seen. As usual, the artist uses a headline from a real American Apparel ad, though if I may be critical of this genius's work for a sec, "Swim" doesn't really work that well with this hardening schlong artwork. Either "Hiking" or "Hello" would've been better choices. Just sayin'. Also, Don Cheadle doesn't look pleased.
(snapped on Kenmare St. by the curiously always on the spot stereo hell)

Link Haze, 7/18/08.

• Heil Titler! (link)
• Texas t-shirt of the week: the difference between Obama and Osama is just a little b.s. (link)
• London's Olympics logo, shat on. (link)
• 10 female ad icons and the actresses who could replace them. (link)
• AdAge's Ken Wheaton hates virtual world press releases/likes Jack Daniels—check and check. (link)
• Advertising is Lies Well Disguised™. But here's a list of lies ad people tell each other. (link)
• Six Flags profits: NO FLAGS! (link)
• Plaid Nation Tour part 2 starts next week. (link)
• horse piss beer. (link)
• Speaking of alcohol, proud Canadian Drunken Stepfather delivers a sorta pro Celine Dion, sorta pro French women, definitely Bukowski-esque sick diatribe. (link)
• Mamma Mia!, starring Dexter. (link)
• wonderful photo of a blue heron. I love blue herons. (link)
• New York Life seeks 3-word ads. Because Death Happens? (link)
• Orange County, Florida polite Republican billboard. (link)
• Lastly, the script for Tarantino's next flick "Inglourious (sic) Basterds (sic)" (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Nike's ode to Nike.

New 'Just Do It' Olympics spot from the $16 billion behemoth crams 31 "Nike athletes" into 60 seconds and, well, just doesn't do it for me. (link)

Kenneth Cole has brief, bad sex with Houston St.

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Is that a pun in your briefs ad Kenneth, or are you just crappy to see me? I'll keep this brief: It's the latest fashion copywriting from the...absolute...worst...ad...punster...ever. Ever! (snapped on Houston St.)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: bebe ads in Bushwick?

Yes. With handcuffs. Because that's edgy. (link)

NYC Window Display Series continues...

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Last time, years ago, I went inside The Apartment at 101 Crosby St., they were an offbeat furniture store. But now, apparently, they offer "fully integrated branding, marketing, architecture, and interior design services." Here, in their ever-changing window display, they present six people (employees?) artfully faking taking a dump. previous NYC window displays: Mo Pitkins window sexed up by fake AA ad artist; Benjamin Moore mannequin a picture of apathy; Otto Tootsi Plohound—these boots were made for gawking; Zamir Furs Barbie® Army; Weber's presents a wall of $2.50 handbags; élégance in Penn Station—30 crazy mannequin legs; Toys R Us X-mas display—the closest I've ever come to firebombing a store.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: fake Heineken blowjob spot.

Sure, Heineken is positively outraged over the free buzz and hundreds of thousands of YouTube views this spot has gotten. SURE THEY ARE. (link)

Imagine there's no Feldman.

(click ad for closer look)
Corey Feldman and his wife, Susie Sprague-Feldman (nude in next month's Playboy), parody an iconic John and Yoko bed-in photo for a new PETA ad. My only real outrage here is over the use of yet another bad pun in the name of a green vegetable. related: Jenna Jameson pleathers herself in anti-leather PETA ad. update: go to PollsBoutique to vote in a poll about about this ad.

my car is a woman, my right foot is my penis.

(click ad) Sex and car advertising have of course been diddling each other for decades. Here though, via BBDO Greece, is a particularly shamelessly sexist ad (quite young, isn't she?) for pre-soiled BMWs that goes 0 to 69 in one second flat. Speaking of 69... related: car dealership ads are a gift from Satan.

Law firm's diversity ad recipe calls for lots of Whitey Spice.

(click ad for closer look at the diversity)
Or cocaine. DLA Piper, global law firm employment home of former Senator George Mitchell, sports the ultra-generic tagline "Everything Matters." OK, DLA—then that must include your awful forced metaphor diversity ad. Copy begins: "With 3,700 lawyers in 25 countries, we've got a lot of talent. But that doesn't mean we're all using the same spice." I seriously hope that the person who wrote this ad isn't involved in any way in the crafting of your legal briefs. At least DLA abstained from using the bad animal metaphors that roam wild in law advertising. (image via MultiCultClassics)

American Apparel model licking Dov Charney's penis through cotton briefs.

(click ad for closer look)
Probably feeling jealous and challenged by the fake American Apparel ad artist, the pants-optional CEO has ratcheted up the "creativity" in his recent ads. And by "creativity," I of course mean "porn." Two weeks ago, there was the bathing suit ad with porn star Faye Valentine. Now, it's this dick licker on the back cover of the latest issue of Danish art magazine S—a space where Dov apparently places the sleaziest AA ads. Don't know whether or not this coquettish lass is also a porn star, but those hairy legs look like Dov's. To recap, here's American Apparel's most overt ads of the past couple of years: Brazilian porn star Paola Rey masturbating in tights ad; French AA ad gets to the topless point (nsfw); AA's bare ass-thetic; stirrup socks ad features model wearing only stirrup socks; and AA Vice magazine ad shoves hoo-ha in our face. (image via stereo hell)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: maybe the dumbest fake testimonial I've ever seen.

The fake testimonial is a very popular lie well disguised. But this one for Waldbaum's is particularly evil. (link)

Subterranean Slicers Splice Step Brothers.

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Except for a sort of anti-Iraq War statement, NYC's under-employed subway poster remixers, for the most part, have resorted to fart jokes, penis jokes, and crap jokes. But here we get some Science! Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly already do look quite a bit alike. The absolutely retarded-looking Step Brothers opens everywhere July 25th. (image via Poster Boy NYC)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: More MTA "SubTalk."

The MTA can't figure out how to run itself. So you can probably guess how good they are at running advertising. (link)

V is for Vagina Victory.

(click ad for closer look)
Poster for Brazilian Beauty, a chain of beauty salons in Australia. Yes, the woman is throwing her hoo-ha hair into a trash can. previous down-there grooming in advertising: grooming kits ad—maybe sfw, maybe nsfw; Naughty Nads™—Twat The Hell? Tom Fords A Valley; iPod girl's trim needs trimming; Cabana Cachaça, "Brazilian" rum; ABSOLUT VAGINA. (image via)

Link Haze, 7/11/08.

 • An ad urging Arab women to wear veils utilizes a tasteful, metaphorical visual of a lollipop and flies. (link)
• An image of Angelina Jolie shows up on a Chinese "massage hoop" box. (link)
• Timely Kool-Aid Man street art. Very funny. (link, via)
• What would the ultimate art director's Mac Pro cost? $26,988.95. (link)
• NYPD's new recruitment ads are a bit dubious. (link)
• Bill Green of MTLB was one of a half dozen white men to attend this week's NYC Human Rights Commission hearing on advertising diversity. (link)
• And what about women in advertising? Mocked by Google ads. (link)
• Ian Curtis's headstone has been stolen. Until it is recovered, the members of Interpol are not allowed to touch their instruments. (link)
• Buddha carved out of phone books. (link)
• A Bon Jovi/Journey cover band is called Bon-Journey. Here's their logo. (link)
• The worst pair of men's shoes ever designed. (link)
• Peach Mobile ad showing Robert Mugabe as a gorilla gets banned. (link)
• Sean Hannity's homepage: very flaggy. (link)
• Faceless Wimbledon attendees were a particularly lame Lotus stunt. (link)
• Che Guevara abused yet again, this time in Brooklyn. (link)
• How stupid is America? This stupid. (link, thanks Sean Comeaux)
• To the anon commenter who said that this slutty American Apparel model was not porn star Faye Valentine, suck on your wrongness. (link)
• Lastly, Leaked pics of Heath Ledger as the Joker as a red-headed nurse. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: the coolest refrigerator ads you'll ever see.

They're for GE's write-on refrigerators. Do they'll actually sell refrigerators to the refrigerator-buying demographic? Probably not. (link)

Setting Free The Bears.

(click ad for closer look)
It's the final indicator signally that we've officially entered a down market—badly Photoshopped bears have started showing up in investment advertising. Here, Swiss broker MIG Investments gleefully throws in a sleuth of starving bears looking for some low-hanging, overly-aggressive yummy investor meat. Gone for the foreseeable future from the ad pages of your finance mags are lions and horses and rhinos and giant apes. Look for lots of bears. Maybe a dead bull or two. Brokerages should probably consult their lawyers for proper bear ad usage.
(scanned from the latest Equities magazine)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Buygone Ad of the Week.

It's a Lucky Strike ad from 1932. It features a man blowing a smoke-ring diamond ring. It is funny. (link)

Free Love. Overpriced Furniture.

(click ads for closer look)
Yet another advertiser forcefully crams sex into the sell. Well, it's been used to sell a NYC condo development, non-toxic floor cleaners, ugly protective sunglasses, pheromone-infused hair gel, chicken dishes from an Indian restaurant, low-cost auto financing, and even fucking soup, for fucksake. Now, 1960s furnishings from Lorgan's retro store. I'd check for stains before purchasing. Nice sets/layouts. (images via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: PETA skewers "manly" ritual.

Do you like fake blood and bare skin? Well then, you should check out PETA's latest stunt at the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. (link)

Trojan slips piggish, sloppy cum shot into ad in Fitness magazine.

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Only pigs pull out and cum on a woman's back (not as bad as a soaking facial though). (L) Trojan ad in the current issue of Fitness magazine. (R) Detail of background scene from this cutesy very-Photoshopped beach execution. Hmm. It's worth noting that some in the sex ed field say that the withdrawal method is actually more effective at preventing unwanted pregnancies than a condom. However, if like this pig, you're extra virile, you just might smear the Sudoku puzzle you drew on your partner's back. Of course, all of this is moot to the Viva Viagra Whiskey Dicks. related: photos of the wacky Sex Machines from the 2006 NYC Museum of Sex exhibit; American Apparel ad model simulates(?) masturbation. (thanks to Hank Mitchell for the images)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: maybe the worst ad ever.

Ketel One's current ad campaign is the worst in the history of alcohol advertising (type "Ketel One" in my search window if you want to see a sampling). And this particular advert is the worst of the worst. (link)

Duncan Quinn: The NoLita Strangler.

(click ad for closer look)
Ad for Duncan Quinn, seller of handmade ready-to-wear and bespoke men's suits: "Savile Row meets Rock 'n Roll." His flagship store is in "louche" NoLita NYC, A second West Hollywood location opened in 2006. Trolling through his Website (that's not him in the ad, btw), his styles are quite preciously dandy. But I'm not feeling the "Rock 'n Roll" Duncan, other than the inclusion of young bearded and tattooed gents on your landing page Flash gallery. But that's what ads are for! And what's more Rock 'n Roll than strangling a blindfolded babe with a foppish tie? Edgy. Jimmy Choo beat you to the snuff vibe though, dude. Anyway, this unimaginative combo of dandy and randy is predictably popular in high-end men's fashion ads. It's simply the best way to attract the mookish misogynistic male with lots of disposable income demographic. Duncan, btw, is a qualified barrister and New York Attorney-at-Law. Which explains this advert: if there's one thing lawyers don't know how to do, it's advertise. We've seen it again and again and again and again. Duncan baby, you want some high-minded, thoughtful creative ads, you just write me, sweetheart. (scanned from the July/August City magazine) update: go to a PollsBoutique poll to vote for this ad as misogynistic.

Genital Mutilation Awareness Advertising Hits Women Where It Hurts.

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Advertising gets intrusiver-er. Puking drunk chicks in your public bathrooms. Hungry African children in your shopping carts. Now: trying on a bathing suit at a department store isn't traumatic enough for women—let's stick a rusty razor blade in those bikini bottoms! Via Contrapunto BBDO in Barcelona, these special in-store hygienic protectors are for the Association of Women Against Genital Mutilation (AMAM). What about mental mutilation? Even the usually subtle-as-an-ax Amnesty International displayed some restraint on this issue with these sewn-up LadyFlower ads. But, I'm not a woman. Maybe this isn't overstepping the line? Ladies, what do you think?

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: an ad printed on banana leaf.

It's for a non-hybrid Toyota SUV. Green marketing goes Gonzo. Next up, an oil company will print an ad on pure sunshine. (link)

Link Haze, 7/03/08.

• the fake American Apparel ad artist (or a copycat) tags AA in-store signage. As stereo hell, suggests—check the security camera tapes! (link)
• How to trap a man? Wires and padding. (link)
• Zappos "hires" robots to "man" inventory floor. Soon, Zappos managers will start disappearing. (link)
• Kanye West's lame viral campaign for Absolut. In An Absolut World, everybody sells out. (link)
• The Social Media yellow card. I would be shown a red card and receive a lifetime suspension. (link)
• Presidential candidate logo comparison. (link)
•Speaking of logos, Walmart's now has a big asterisk after it. (link)
• Eat Shit And Live. (link)
• Sprint takes laziness to a lazier level. They're asking consumers to create their own summer family YouTube videos complete with product placement. (link)
• Does this Rembrandt spot feature the best on-screen kiss ever? (link)
• 90-day supply of Lipitor for 10 bucks? Let's gorge on cake! (link)
• Animal has been The Shit this week: cool Dark Knight poster (link), Ray-Ban's (SO COOL) pathetic stunt (link), and NYC will be using...Mimes in a new abstinence ad campaign (link).
• Pretty smart use of an auto carrier as an ad medium. (link)
• On the other end of the ad medium spectrum is baggage claimvertising. (link)
• I give People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals a lot of shit, but for some reason I agree with them here. (link)