Thursday, January 31, 2008

Dead Kennedy Sells Wicked-Expensive Italian Yachts.

(click ad to read. sorry blurry.)
"Err-ahh, buy a Sanlorenzo..."
Here, Sanlorenzo yachts has shamelessly procured a photo from the Kennedy Library showing JFK in August 1963, three months pre-headblast, relaxing with daughter Caroline aboard the "Honey Fitz" yacht—a yacht not built by Sanlorenzo.
The headline is, A man's strength is measured when he's relaxing. A JFK quote? No. A quote by anybody at all? No. Just a stupid yacht company ad headline. The bodycopy reads, in-part: "We are proud of our commitment to people who love to live at sea without drawing attention to themselves. People who, in fact, consider their privacy to be one of their most precious assets." (jesus fucking christ)
Though the worldwide economy is in the shitter, luxury yacht sales are apparently booming. So if you're in the market for one, check out Sanlorenzo—the yacht JFK almost certainly would not have bought later in life, if he hadn't been assassinated. previously in usurpations of dead political leaders to sell something: are you willing to die for Digital Media, Beth Comstock?; the rocket's red glare of President's Month sales. (thanks to David Beedie for the pic)

American Apparel brings their artistic vision to Video.

American Apparel now has a YouTube page. Here, Kristen successfully tries on a pair of polka-dot panties.
Fascinating.
previously in American Apparel panties: the Tap Panty; the Baby Rib Thong; the "Hiking" Thong. related: AA's first ever conceptual ad.
(image of AA store in Second Life via)

The humongous hand of Union Carbide dumps deadly chemicals on unsuspecting Indians.

(click ad to read copy)
More sweet after-the-disaster irony.
For you youngsters out there, Union Carbide most certainly had "a hand in things to come" in India—the khemical kompany khemically killed 5,000(+) of its people! Yay methyl isocyanate! Yay Science! related: Asbestos (which is slowly killing my father) ad the worst ever. (ad emailed by Bill Green at MakeTheLogoBigger.)

Statutory Rape D-Cupped Right Into Our Faces.


(click ads to read copy)
The Family Violence Partnership in Milwaukee, via ad agency Serve, has launched a print campaign to, uh, lift awareness of the crime of statutory rape. Well, I guess we can give them credit for not using a too-subtle method to visualize the problem. Buuut, super-fetishizing young girls, maybe, is not the smartest approach? One other glaring mistake: the copywriter should have written another headline for the black girl ad that didn't question her brain development, yes? Here's the third ad in the campaign.
UPDATE: Somebody associated with the campaign defends it in the comments.
UPDATE: Carol Lloyd at Salon/Broadsheet did some journalism, and discovered that the ads were actually created for the United Way of Milwaukee, and have now been killed.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

baby, it's cold inside my heart.

(click ad for closer look)
I hate kids. I hate parents. I hate families. So, if you happen to spot one of these bon bébé phone kiosk ads around NYC with a hole punched through the bébé's face, there's a decent chance it was me and my fist. It's probably a good thing I don't have kids, 'cause I'd dress them in garbage bags just to take in the looks from the asshat NYC parents who spend thousands on their infant offspring's designer wardrobe simply to feel superior to their poorer neighbors. (Thanks to Chris Markopoulos at YouMayAlsoLike for the tip/pic.) related: about.com's stupid pregnancy wordplay.

FLY ME.


Smirnoff ad from what looks like the 70s. Putting aside the scenario of flying a biplane sauced (or shattered, as it says in the tagline), let's dive-bomb right into the bald innuendo (actually, since this was the 70s, we're probably not even talking trimmed, let alone bald. [zing!]). Headline + Leg Positions = Nothing Left To The Imagination, yes? At least, unlike the Baby Soft babydoll, she appears to be of age. related: ABSOLUT VAGINA; Twat The Hell?; Vaginas Bleed in France. (image via)

These Boots Were Made For Gawking.

(click image to better examine the boot of Queens)
Otto Tootsi Plohound on Lafayette St. is boot Elysium. Me, I prefer John Fluevog for my cooler-than-you boot purchases. But I have procured one pair of exquisite Italian dress shoes from Tootsi, which I wear about once a year. No matter. They are in my closet, which—right ladies?—is ALL THAT COUNTS.
This particular butterfly- and bird- and flower- and plant- and lightning bolt-adorned boot has occupied a window display position of power in the store, off and on, for the last few years. By DSquared, they originally cost $1,200. But the display pair is the last of the stock and is available for $400. Alas, they were a bit snug on me (yes, I tried them on). Plus, I'm nowhere near fierce-Queen enough to pull off wearing them—but maybe you are? related: élégance—30 mannequins legs, one insane store; Weber's—The Great Wall of New York; Zamir—tiny Barbie® furs.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Pickles Made By Hos.

(click image for closer look)
Wonder if the sign maker was "waisted?" Hey, at least eveything else is spelled right. And it's not like it's something really important—like a financial institution ad. Last post of the day, folks. I'm tired. Feel like I'm going to "feint." (thanks to Ruby Jackson for the snap)

One warranty leaves...very satisfied.

(click image for closer look)
The competitor's warranty blows! Huge, strange billboard above Times Square for Hyundai, advertising their superior warranty, apparently. But, let's get to the two Sumo wrestlers, and what it looks like the smaller one is doing to the bigger one.
'oh yeah, little Toyota warranty, that's it...slower!...yes...please your okozuna (grand champion)...' It should be noted that if a wrestler's belt (mawashi) comes completely off, he loses. Something for the servicing little Sumo to keep in mind. Part of a new campaign by supposedly good ad agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners. previous Blow Jobs in ads: OxyDo sunglasses "Magic Flute"ad; Model nearly fellating screw driver in Naples Lumber ad; QSOL servers won't "go down" on you. (thanks to Stephen Rosen for the tip/pic)

"I'd be purrrfect for Kit Kat..."


(click Julie for closer look. the red blotch on her thigh is just page bleed through. update: NO that IS a tattoo! update #2: No, it's apparently part of the stocking. update #3: Nooo, it's apparently a Diana Vreeland drawing, according to an anon commenter.)
It's the original Catwoman, "unretouched & unretired," in an ad scanned from the back of this week's AdWeek. She's ready, at 74(!), to be your brand's spokesperson. Pretty aggressive move, gotta give it up for the leggy minx. Anyway, to more important matters: what products/services would I hire Newmar for as spokesperson?
well, Katz's deli here in Manhattan (better hurry, might be closing soon.)
Most certainly Nine Lives cat food.
um, Newmar RVs
OMG! She could model for American Apparel! She's got the stems, and they sell catsuits (well, unitards)! And the catsuit is back! Think of the great publicity they'd get switching from the underage girlies!
related: K-Fed for K-Swiss. Burt Reynolds for Burt's Bees. Gwynnie Paltrow is African. Lenny Kravitz is Absolut Krap.

Monday, January 28, 2008

...running, and quite possibly, falling.


An AdAge headline writer possibly needs to be literally disabled of his/her duties for this WTF?!? offensive hed attached to this story. "So you just broke your spine. Now what?" Uh, I...run to the hospital? Is this your bit of overzealous wordplay, Lenore? Hopefully, it wasn't my sorta cyber-friend Ken Wheaton. Tsk tsk, people. (thanks to Erin Bradley for the tip and to thefiveforty for the re-crop)

Sly Misshape.


More fun with Rambo. Some in-the-know LES hipster has noticed that stenciled Rambo looks an awful lot like Geordon Nicol of the Misshapes. Well, Geordy is also a killer—with his chiseled, hard looks! (Rambo pic via. Geordon pic via.)

Also, pick me up a sixer and some smokes.

(click image to read)
The New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence has placed these phone kiosk ads in City neighborhoods they, I guess, consider bad boy hot spots (This one's in Brooklyn. I've also seen them in Washington Heights.). The question here is—as is usually the case with misguided government PSAs—who the hell is being targeted? The boys? No. The parents? Maybe? But not very effectively? Also, an "Awaiting Instructions" hoodie? Really? Also: NEVER SHAKE A BABY! or SCREAM AT DRIVERS! related: SHIT-FACED JAKE. (thanks to Greg Rutter for the snap)

Touché, Monsieur Muscles!


After my Rambo/Banksy post on Friday, reader Robert Shaffron emailed the above stenciled chicanery, photographed in San Francisco. Brilliant choice right? Complete opposites, yes? Non! Both were army men (Rimbaud enlisted in the Dutch Colonial army just so he could travel for free to Java—where he deserted.) Both have faced multiple gunshots (Rimbaud's lover Paul Verlaine shot at him twice, hitting him once in the wrist). The slender bisexual blue-eyed cutie-pie poet worked as a stone quarry foreman in Cyprus. And wordsmith Rambo's soulful lines include, "Hate? I'd die for it." Also? Rimbaud was maybe raped by French Communard soldiers. Rambo was almost certainly bamboo pole-raped by his North Vietnamese captors. Rimbaud facts from Wikipedia. (my tipster was not sure where he/she found this pic. If it's from your site, please email me the link so's I can credit. update: probably here, via defamer.) update: who are you more like? Rambo or Rimbaud? go vote!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Link Haze, 1/25/08.

Roger Stone has started an anti-Hillary group called Citizens United Not Timid (C.U.N.T.). That's their sublime logo, right. Stay classy, right wing-nuts. (link)
Bird craps in reporter's mouth. (link)
Cool looking spot for Samaritans, a UK helpline charity. I don't completely follow, but it looks cool. (link)
Staying on the vintage tip—they just don't write champale ads like this anymore. (link)
Speaking of malt liquor, elitist shitheel Eliot Spitzer wants to tax the fuck outta the bum elixir to help close the state's huge budget gap. (link)
CajunBoyInTheCity is now writing a hilarious weekly column (Wednesdays) on DealBreaker as a fake Goldman Sachs banker. This week: The Black Party. (link)
A gallery of Martin Luther King holiday ads ranging from mildly inspiring to pathetically patronizing. (link)
Let's go to the Dairy Queen, hon. No blacks! (link)
China: better sperm than us. Better ducks than us. (link)
A fun roundup of horrific tax services TV ads. (link)
The world's biggest fish stick. (link)
Real Dolls too real for you, pervo? Here's Boy Toys, kinda like five-foot tall "working" Bratz. (link)
In Greenpoint Brooklyn, they call the apartment buttons "buzzards." (link)
Stoned hipsters' mellow is harshed by bleeding Rabbit's foot. (link)
Quite simply, the best cemetery ads ever done. (link)

RAMBO GUERRILLA (get it?) MARKETING.


(click images for closer look)
New York City (other cities, too?) is currently completely plastered with these "guerrilla" posters (L) promoting the fourth Rambo film, opening today . If the purity of street art wasn't dead yet, I believe this bit of Banksy-appropriation (who, I'm sure, appropriated the stencil style from some other street "artist") is the final rocket-launched grenade in the coffin. Smart move by the studio though to use artwork on the posters instead of a photo of the 61-year-old HGHed guerrilla warrior. related: Time stabs graffiti in the heart. (thanks to Aurora Diaz for photos/tip)

Photoshopped Lettuce Leaves/Pam Less Than Satisfying.

(click Pam to go leaf peeking)
But I guess it's what to expect when the model is an overly retouched, inorganic Tomato (sorry, feminists). Come on PETA! The other "Lettuce Ladies," including Elizabeth Berkley, look much more natural. I love me some tasty veg food, and (mostly) support your extremist stunts. But, if you're gonna convert the bunny-killing cow-eating fur-wearing Troglodytes, you gotta present a more authentic, natural picture, right? Although I guess Pam makes for a pretty convincing cavewoman. Note: don't worry ladies, there are also Broccoli Boys! Yes, critics, I know this is not a new Website. (thanks to Devin Brown for the tip)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

"Nothing You Could Say Can Tear Me Away From My, uh, Guy"

(click ad to read copy)
Yesterday's pedophilic trip down memory lane led me to this powerfully effective ad for PMS drug Midol scanned from a 1974 Tiger Beat.
The enlightening copy starts "Be the you he likes. Good to be around, any day of the month." That's right girls—be the you HE likes. Even if your Guy (note cap "G" subservient ones) wears patchwork-quilt shirts and happens to look a bit like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.
related: In France, women menstruate blood. Tampax introduces the Whooooa Baby! tampon. Kotex Ko, the eyeless Medusa.

Fun Bags missing Twist Ties.


(click ad for breast examination)
Jugs missing Caps. Puppies missing Noses. Pillows missing Buttons. Boulders missing Crevices. Ad apparently from Mexico for Mia "seamless" lingerie. Is it a good ad? No. Why am I posting it? DUH—it's sleazy, and I've got a reputation to uphold. Added note: the obvious implants contribute to the seamlessness and seaminess. related: WonderBra ad doesn't show breasts, bra. (image via)

Village Voice still asking probing, pertinent questions.

Curious billboard from the formerly-edgy weekly at the corner of Delancey and The Bowery. You'd think with all those dope "Street Teams" out there with tuned ears to the concrete, the Voice would know the answer. Maybe this is a teaser board, pointing to an upcoming groundbreaking exposé? JUNKIES HAVE DIED/MOVED! It certainly begs for some ripostes—where have all your good writers, original story ideas, balls gone? The pathetic New York Press is pushing more boundaries than the VV nowadays. The ghosts of Bowery junkies weep. (photo by Brian Thompson at AskACopywriter.com)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Posing of Male Fashion Models—Deep Think.


(click ads for closer looks)
(L)—ad for Bally, known for their men's shoes, also makers of ready-to-wear fashion and accessories. Come with me as we take a trip to an in-studio lakeside lodge with...Mark. Yeah, he looks like a Mark to me, for some reason. Bally wants us to really get that their fey-ish fashions are made tough enough for bear country. That's why Mark, while being very slim and fastidious, sports a steel-wool beard and an even steelier stare. Model Matches Fashion. His right hand begs for a cigarette while his left hand simply enjoys the feel of wood. Although he's never chopped wood (even in his nightmares), you can be sure his rock-hard ass is impervious to splinter penetration. What is he gazing at? Bottles of Dasani water on the catering table; hot lights, dry throat, thirsty. The ad is strangely, compellingly simple, as opposed to this sexually confusing forest scene execution for Frankie Morello clothing.

(R)—ad for G-Star Raw, an edgy NY collection of their (mostly) denim fashions. G-Star's campaign positioning seems to be to uncomfortably position models in fake store settings (this five-story billboard put them in cramped changing rooms; this one features a babe on all fours on a floor stand.). Above, petite Paul—raw head-to-toe— stylishly slides his waifish bod between some sort of retail wall fixtures. In this case, the model really is posing as a living mannequin, kinda like in the movie Mannequin when living-doll Kim Cattrall (Samantha from Sex In The City for you youngsters) had to hurry back after a night of frolicking and assume her position in the store window. After his Night of Denim Lust, Paul returned to the G-Star store only to find his window display had been completely changed into a hip-hop scene. So, in a rushed effort to look inconspicuous, he just wedged himself into the store wall. What A Twat!
(both ads emailed by art director Bill Green at MakeTheLogoBigger)

In 1976, love was free and pure and innocent. And about 10.

You think American Apparel underage models are sleazy? Ad is for Love's Baby Soft fragrance products, from a 1976 issue of Tiger Beat. Unearthed by FishNChimps, whose ad blog reading level is "Genius." (mine's "Junior High School.")

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

...about your "tips"

The content is terrible today, yes? It's YOUR fault. I asked for better tips, and you-all have responded with shittier tips. TERRIBLE tips. My hatebot threat has had no effect. Well, here's a new threat: how about I start posting unremarkable ads and just blithely list ad agency creative credits like every other "isn't advertising peachy?" ad blog out there? Go through magazines, scan (or snap) ads, take pictures of subway/outdoor ads. Send them to me. STEP IT UP (please?).

CAPTION TOM CRUISE!!!

(click pic to enlarge)
That's right!
I'm lazily posting a celeb pic for captioning! Just like all the lazy celeb blogs out there in lazy CyberVille. Here Scientology's Soul (I mean, "Thetan") Man traipses right past a pile of good old-fashioned Manhattan morning puke without stopping to clean it up! Cruise says that Scientologists can't ride past a car accident without stopping because they're the only ones who can truly help. So, why didn't Tom pull out his hand-held E-meter and audit the vomit for spiritual purity? ANYWAY, Caption Contest! Whoever writes the best caption in the comments wins one of my coveted Bacon Wristbands! GO! (To the previous winners who haven't received their meat-like accouterments yet, it's because I haven't ordered them yet! But you will get it, I swear! The first-round winners all received theirs...UPDATE: contest is open through end of business Friday.
(image via)

Do American Apparel girls have sex with Dov Charney in exchange for AA clothing?

(click her to guess her age)
I soo totes swear on a mondo stack of Hustlers that I was going to give Dov "Pantsless" Charney and his harem of underage girls a break for awhile. But, two things happened last week. First, little miss Mineral Wash showed up on the back of the Onion. And second, this dirrrty little blind item (thanks to anne for the tip) surfaced on Fashionista. It would explain why all the AA models are half-naked, right? The CE-Ho only has sex with each of his working girls once—and they only get one item of American Apparel clothing (his choice, apparently) in exchange. It would explain why this come-hither hussy is only wearing stirrup socks, why this masturbating moll is wearing just tights, why this headless model is topless, and why our 16(?)-year-old here is forced to cover her ta-tas with her tresses. Also, are they all homeless? AA clothing for sex? Go to Polls Boutique (link) to cast your vote on the veracity of this salacious gossip.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Link Haze, 1/18/08.

Prada introduces mini-skirts (sorry, they're tu-tus. Christ.) for men. To be worn with your suede Manolo open-toe slingbacks. (link)
cp+b (winners of 1, 2 copyranter Equine's Posterior™ awards!) has produced new work for Domino's. And it oozes suck. (link)
Jeff FoxJerky does something funny! (thanks to Daddy-O for the tip!) (link)
Ogilvy switches to "perpetual beta" mode. My reaction was 'what a load of horseshit.' David Burn's reaction at AdPulp was essentially the same, though he adopted a much more diplomatic, intelligent tone. (link)
You want irony? Vice magazine complaining about dog shit on the base of their New York sidewalk ashtray. (link)
Placemat advertising eases my stress, and represents everything that is good about America. (link)
Want to write a psychotic note in your own blood? Now you can. (link)
HighJive would like AdRants readers to know that all black men in suits don't actually look the same. (link)
Mona Lisa ID'ed? (link)
Paper plates made from 100% paper. Welcome to the bottom of the Eco Marketing barrel (the barrel is made from 100% wood) (link)
This may end up being the strangest five minutes of your entire life—it's a video interpretation of Ronald McDonald from Japan. Just watch it. (via CMM News)
Remember the stern black kid from the AccuQuote banner ad who was simmering over your lack of life insurance? Well, he's back and this time he's positively flummoxed by your lack of preparedness. (link)
44% of people completely disbelieve every company statement they hear/read. This is why they need ad agencies to better disguise those lies. (link)
Sarah Michelle Gellar is quickly becoming Katie Couric. (link)
It's the Gravity Defyer; PF Flyers for businessmen. (link)
Actor Luiz Guzmán is hawking Cabot Cheese. No, they're not after the Latino market; he just really digs the stuff. (link)
Finally, if you ever do make it to edgy hipster party enclave Bushwick Brooklyn, be prepared to witness party eulogy street art like this. (link) Speaking of "art," for you newish folk, here's the thread for my now-dead feature "art appreciation Fridays with copyranter"

match.com reminds you hopeless romantics that there is, in fact, no hope.



(click ads for closer look)
Valentine's Day's less than a month away!
Mildly interesting new campaign for match.com currently running in the U.K. The Cupid casting looks about right but I've always thought of Fate as first—non-existent and second—a woman. But whatever. At least these ads actually sorta get right to the crux of why one would try to date online. As opposed to Herb Vest's true.com "strategy" of unabashedly presenting a cavalcade of non-member bikini models and/or a cavalcade of non-member D-cuppers. Or eHarmony's cold, buzz-killing 12-CD, 400 question process. Or JDate's barf-inducing ad profiles.
(go to Adland to see some other print ads in the campaign)

Thursday, January 17, 2008

How China came up with their Olympics logo.



The army's first design was rejected as too messy. Also, there seems to be no truth to the rumors that the Chinese had help from the CIA graphics department or Blackwater's design team.
related: China's Thermal Nuclear Sperm Rockets.
(images via)

How many "Trumps" are there in Trump Magazine? #2


For the second (and fucking last) time, I carefully, painfully paged through the latest issue of Trump and counted the number of times the name "Trump" appeared in the pub—on the cover, in editorial, on ad pages (including one for his vodka—which he's never sampled), everywhere. Last time, I counted 298 Trumps (and one "Tump" typo, tee hee), so I was optimistically expecting to break 300 this go-round. Alas, I only came up with a total of 292 on the issue's 128 pages. But I did learn one fascinating little tidbit in his "interview" by CNBC's Erin Burnett: his "people" originally wanted to name his latest book "Think Big And Kick Butt." But The Donald said "No way, that is terrible" and thus its now legendary title came to be. related: Trump introduces "Signature" watch. World watches, wonders why.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Fruit Of Absolut's Loins.

It's a new print ad in Absolut's banal (and sometimes baldly opportunistic) "In An Absolut World" campaign, this one for their lemon-flavored Citron vodka. Well, I'm going to bring it up here because you can bet your last bottle of precious hooch it was brought up at their ad agency TBWA\Chiat\Day:

IT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING VAGINA.

Or as a commenter noted: In An Absolut World, Pussy Tastes Like Lemons? Even as a subliminal ad, it licks. related: a review—Absolut Pears tastes like a mixture of cough medicine and snake piss.
(thanks to Spartus84 for the tip)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The face that could launch a thousand brands of eyewear.

(click image for closer look)
I saw Christy Turlington in person once, about 7-8 years ago, walking through SoHo near work. It was at that moment that I personally and physically experienced the cliché "breathtaking." Her face made me stop walking, thinking, breathing, everything-ing. I know my posts sometimes get a little pervy (OK, maybe more than a little) on this blog. But there's none of that coming here: this woman's face is otherworldly beautiful in a non-sexual—even asexual—way.
Right, she models Chanel frames in an ad scanned from the February Vanity Fair. She could be wearing the ugliest pair of 3-D glasses ever made, and they'd look perfectly chic on that face. Previously in eyewear ads: a LensCrafters model sports a "lucky" shirt.

The importance of hiring a good food photographer, example #986,057,773.

(click image for closer look. sorry for the blurriness, my camera sucks, as do I as a photographer.)
Photographing meat/flesh is an art. Done cheaply, and you get cold cuts that look like cadaver tissue, sausage links that look like worms, and Ashley Judd's face looking like this.
Last night, as the archeress and I dined on slices of good cheap pizza on the Upper West Side, my appetite was nearly eliminated by this in-shop Gyros poster purporting to show a "savory blend of beef and lamb" topped by "zesty cucumber sauce." I think you'll agree that "an unsavory blend of dog and cat shit topped by fresh pigeon droppings" would more accurately describe the photograph. related: video of supermodels playing with various fatty meats.

Monday, January 14, 2008

...and even more fun, foreboding World Trade Center images.


(click images for closer look)
As a final follow-up (unless you have any more you want to send me) to these two posts on eerie pre-9/11 WTC imagery, here's two more.
(L)—The cover of the 1997 "Emergency Response to Terrorism" self-study course from FEMA. Let's remember what Bush smartie Condi Rice said in defense of the administration: "no one" could have predicted that terrorists would fly a plane into the World Trade Center. NO ONE.
(R)—an ad done by reader/commenter/fellow copywriter garrito in the early 1990s (don't make fun‚ he knows it's bad). "Steel Standing"—iron-ic pun alert! Also, there's this line of copy: "Structures built with steel can dramatically withstand the unusual dynamic forces generated by a catastrophic event -- whether from an earthquake, a hurricane, or even an explosion."

The Unparalleled Hyperbole of New York City Real Estate Advertising, Example II.


(click image for closer look)
Just like last time, all copy cut and scanned from real estate ads placed in one edition (yesterday's) of the Sunday New York Times. A lot of advertising is Bullshit. But, New York City real estate advertising is the absolute Bullshittiest. It's quite laughable to witness the marketers struggle arduously every week to find new idiotic phrases to describe obscenely overpriced empty boxes inside buildings. FYI, non-New Yorkers: "HK" stands for Hell's Kitchen, which realtors tried to rename "Clinton." Now, one seller has settled on using this fashionable monogram.
Previously in hyperbolic NYC real estate ads: One Madison Park attempts to rewrite art history; 184 Thompson pisses on Jimi Hendrix's legacy; "Chicly Radical" 20 Bayard in Williamsburg: the TriBeCa Summit employs speech impediment shorthand; a Harlem "lodge" beckons lone wolves; the cutting edge condo that only accepts Platinum People; and One Carnegie Hill defines their target audience a little too narrowly.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Link Haze, 1/11/08.

Here ya go, you whiny bitches—the longest Link Dump in the history of pathetic ad blogs. Should keep you no-life's busy all fucking weekend.
A restaurant in Germany creatively works around the smoking ban. Right now, every eatery in France is busy bashing holes in the walls. (link)
Even more fun with contextual ad fuck-ups: iomega ad with "Burn Baby Burn" headline runs next to story about burnt, dead baby. (link)
Yasgur's farm is for sale. Cracked has a wonderful idea for a reality TV show: turn the Woodstock venue into a farm Gulag for ex-hippies. (link, 2nd item)
Now this is getting your money's worth out of a billboard. (link)
Fun retro ads for Guinness. (link)
How dare you think that Gary Busey's career is dead? He's making a split-second appearance on the Procede hair restoration Website video. (link)
Visit a bygone era when fast food really was cheaper than cooking. (link)
A couple of youz have asked for my take on the new Equinox gyms ad campaign. Well here it is: PRETENTIOUS PAP, though an improvement on their previous horseshit. I do like the one birthday cake execution; at least it makes a little sense. (link)
This is old news, but I feel it is my duty to report on it: I'm glad Chemistry.com's new ad campaign is nailing creepy Dr. Neil Clark Warren where it hurts. (link)
If you haven't seen this video of Grey NYC's creative director Tor Myhren impersonating Sinéad O'Connor, it is hi-larious. (link)
Here's the full details of AdWeek's re-launch. Let's see if they even come within shouting distance of the vastly superior AdAge. (link)
Barack Obama's logo is purty! (link)
Those krazy kreatives at TBWA\Chiat\Day have a big banner of Grady Wilson from Sanford & Son fame hanging in their office. Why? Because they're...KRAZY KREATIVE! (link)
Glamorous cat wigs. Zippy The Pinhead could pull off wearing one. (link)
PageSix.com sponsors their sponsors. Slick. (link)
DSquared's new footwear ads feature models as crash test dummies. (link)
The company's name is Butt Foods. (link)
Target's Red Bull pricing is a total fucking ripoff. (link)
Noted streethorser Steve Aoki rocks a sequined American flag vest. (link)
This interactive Web banner for the Mini Clubman is cool (via AgencyTart).
Harry Winston presents the "Avenue C Midsize" watch for...$37,300. Also available: the South Bronx Premier for $148,300. (link)
Scroll down to watch a video of a TV ad for a "urinated upon" lawyer. thanks to Matt McDermott for the tip. (link)
Somebody started a site called "babyranter," and I told him I would link to it. Here it is. Hasn't been updated recently. (link)
Maybe the most pathetic thing about pathetic Brooklyn hipsters: Feuding hipster loft parties. (link)
And FINALLY—New York City man of the Streets, Robert Fucking De Fucking Niro, is opening a TriBeCa flophouse in April with rooms starting at...$725/night. (link)
NEVER again, will I do a Link Dump like this. Right now, I so hate all of you.

Here ya go, you font nerds.


(click ads for closer look)
Ads for a German type house. Certainly not an original idea, but nice executions. I've got a third one: set puritanical U.S. presidential candidate Mike Huckabee's name in this sleazy face. Previously in typefaces: HP unabashedly rips off cover of Jonathan Safran Foer novel. (images via)

a couple more pre-9/11 ads with WTC visuals.


(click ads for closer look)
As a followup to yesterday's post about eerie pre-9/11 ads with the World Trade Center towers as the visual, here's a couple more to add to the scary gallery. First (L), It's an ad out of Israel for Elite candy bars promoting a contest where the winner jets off to NYC aboard a Tower Air plane aiming to slam into one of the sugary twins. (thanks to Leo Keil for that pic and info). Second (R), it's a pic of a framed (and signed for some reason) Maker's Mark bourbon ad or promo piece of some sort featuring their trademark melted red wax dripping like blood down the upper floors of the monoliths (pic found here, thanks anon commenter). update: here's another one featuring Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. UPDATE: please go to Polls Boutique (link) to vote for the most foreboding World Trade Center image.

Like the rest of America, Gray's Papaya wants Michael Bloomberg to make up his f*cking mind already.


(click image for closer look)
The Gray's Papaya on 6th Ave. & 8th st., where in the not too distant past you could get two hot dogs and a drink for under $2 (and where you can often see "celeb" chief Mario Batali stuffing his maw), likes "Shtickball" Mike. As the sign says, they'll even be offering up free hot dogs on inauguration day. Putting on my ad lawyer hat for a sec, I'd just like to point out that it doesn't say on "Bloomberg's inauguration day." Something to remember come next January.