Friday, November 30, 2007

Link Haze, 11/30/07.

• Something to go on your desk next to the misogynistic cigarette extinguisher—an equally degrading pencil sharpener. (link)
• Sirius tries to claim that npr isn't available on FM or AM. (link)
• Celestial Seasonings anti-Starbucks ads put a smile on my face. (link)
• Yet another egghead who doesn't know his ads from a hole in the ground claims the answer to effective advertising is to be found through neuroscience. Two words pal: COOKIE PUSS. (link)
• Meet the Blacks: The go-to ethnic stock photo family of choice. (link)
• The 25 most baffling toys from around the world. (link)
AdWeek recently meekly announced a scaled back print schedule and a revamped digital plan. Here's some inside info from one of their former writers. (link)
• The couples that shit together, stay together. (link)
• Police catch suspect using the old 'Marco' 'Polo' trick. (link)
• RJ Reynolds will not run print ads next year. No more FUCK-ME Camels. (link)
• Some very sad news: Cinderella's Castle in Disney World is a B-I-G L-I-E. (link)

Can You Hear Me Dying Now?


This report sponsored by Verizon Wireless, leading makers of non-blowing-a-hole-in-your-chest cell phones.
Now that's some opportunistic marketing, ba-by! The man's dead, right? What's done is fucking done. Time to move on with our wireless lives, people. And when the next report comes out debunking that pesky myth that cell phones cause brain cancer, you can bet Verizon will be right there with another insensitive contextual ad smack dab in the middle of the story.
(ad appeared with this cnn.com story yesterday morning, but was pulled by the afternoon. thanks to Amanda Murphy for the tip and screen grab!)
update: here's an even worse ad attached to the same story. For the Samsung "Blast" cell phone.
previously in Verizon:
1. Can You Hear Me Drowning Now?
2. Can You Hear Me Saying 'Fuck You' Now?
3. Can You Hear Me Saying Your Ad Copy Sucks Now?

Diamonds are a boy's sense of humor.

How many diamonds does it take to screw a wife?
The best part about this ad for the Diamond Trading Company is that it was scanned from the pages of Fortune magazine—read by humorless insecure rich men, apparently. This insulting bit of marketing could become a campaign with some serious legs:
—Hey, What Do You Know, She Thinks You Fuck Like A Champion.
—Hey, What Do You know, She Thinks You Don't Smell Like Shit Anymore.
—Hey, What Do You Know, She Thinks Living In A Loveless Marriage With An Emotionally-Stunted Loser Is OK.
Leave yours in the comments, if you want.
previous diamond ads:
1. De Beers. She Won't Say No.
2. monogamy to the power of 100.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Time for another round of...WTF does this AD mean?


(click ad to analyze)
It's an ad from India for Durex Performa condoms—which supposedly make you "last longer." Now, that "you" is key; we can then assume that this ad is directed at men. And those are sound waves, yes? OK. So? Three grunts and I cum? That's not very long. Or maybe the first three smaller waves represent when I would've cum with a nice thin condom? Maybe I should get an answer from the condom experts—NYU kiddies? Or these New Zealand ad guys who better understand the product? Better yet, YOU tell me what the ad means in the comments...
(image via)

Amnesty International. Making You More Aware Of Every Atrocity In The World—One Clever, Aesthetically-Pleasing Ad At A Time.


(click ads to read copy)
LadyFlowers. It's admittedly a tough assignment: How do you illustrate the horror of female genital mutilation without showing genital mutilation? Ad agency Publicis of Stockholm, Sweden has decided to make really pretty visual metaphors—and they're apparently really proud of the ads, as they immediately pop up on their homepage.
Honestly, I can't—off the top of my head—think of a better way to visually convey genital mutilation. My problem with these ads is whether they should have any visual in them at all. I think the words "genital mutilation" are more powerful than any visual. GENITAL MUTILATION in big white letters (maybe a flowery typeface? maybe not.) on a black background would make for a more effective ad, I believe. Your mind would then create the visual. Making such warm, beautiful ads for such a cold, ugly human rights violation may be "clever" and "dramatic." But to what effect?
previous Amnesty International ads:
1. New event at the Beijing Olympics: Uphill Tank Slalom.
on Gawker: TORTURE PORN!
(images via)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Can you hear me drowning now?


(click image for closer look)
To promote its water-resistant cell phone, the G'zOne Type V (very possibly the worstest named product in the history of consumerism, even worse than this ad copy), Verizon (can you hear me cursing now?) has set up the above meh Point-Of-Purchase display in retail outlets. Talk to Nemo! Anyway, just from the anecdotal evidence I've compiled here in NYC of friends dropping their phones into bar toilets whilst trying to simultaneously piss and drunk-dial, I'd say this product has the potential to be a success. But they should have set it up for me to talk to Aquaman, though. I wanna know I can call for help from 20,000 leagues deep if need be. Chad's slick $6,600 cellie can't even do that.
previously in cell phone ads:
1. say nothing, and say it LOUDLY.
2. copyranter's pick for 2007 ad Emmy.
3. T-Mobile's brilliant over-caffeinated cheerleader.
4. T-Mobile pays Catherine Zeta Jones about $4 million per word.
(image via)

MTA wants me to become a walking advertisement for screwing for the poor.

Despite "finding" $222 million in their coffers recently, The merrily mismanaged MTA says it still needs to raise fares 4% for a majority of straphangers early next year (somebody's got to pay for their useless terror robots).
To commemorate this joyous occasion, area jewelry retailer Michael Fina now offers mini MetroCard cufflinks for $135 (15 bucks less than the Bleacher Creature ones!).
Yeah, they're exactly what I want to slip through the holes of my one snooty French cuff dress shirt when I hit the town this holiday season—cutesy reminders of the drudgery of my fucking migraine-inducing 360-block daily commute to and from work on your laughably inept subway system.
Since you over-compensated pricks are certainly getting part of the proceeds from the sale of these stupid accouterments, how 'bout including a 30-day unlimited ride card with purchase? Remember: I'm already working security for you lazy clowns.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

...and God can smite you better.

(click ad for closer look)
Like me, do you evilly laugh every time you see a Porsche disabled on the side of the road? It's really an unfair—though automatic—reaction to immediately think "prick" whenever we see one, isn't it? (In American auto ads, the car is usually the cock. $69 down!) Unfortunately, the dicky tone of the German car manufacturer's advertising does absolutely nothing to discourage that reaction. And frankly, if headlines like this one make you want a Porsche, you deserve all the micro-penis-douchebag thoughts directed your way, Helmut.
previously in auto ads:
1. Taylor Hicks for Ford: a review.
2. Car dealer ads are a gift from Satan.
3. Taglines are DUMB: NYC Auto Show edition.
(image via)

Japanese Bra Seller Amazingly Uses Bronski Imagery.


(click ads for closer look)
Translation: Maruko. Bras that make your breasts look bigger.
For those of you who don't know, a "bronski" is when you smush your face between a woman's big breasts. And, as some of you may know, Japanese men are even more obsessed with women's breasts than Americans. These fellas look like they've been bronski-ing Salma Hayek. Or one of these DD-cup true.com models. true.com founder Herb Vest probably knows of the bronski.
(images scanned from Archive. Responsible ad agency is Asatsu-DK, Tokyo.)

American Apparel inserts mindlessly provocative poster in SoHo.


(click pic for better look)
Poster @ West Broadway and Grand. Apparently unsatisfied with their live models simply showing cameltoe or ass crack or an embedded thong, AA switches to illustration to present even more explicit porn.
(tip from Karen Woodiel, via the new shelton wet/dry—where a commenter brings up a fair question: is it a spoof? Well, it does have a logo with a ™.)
update: Jezebel editor Moe Tkacik says it is/was a fake; it has since been covered up by another ad)

Monday, November 26, 2007

...um, so tuck into some Caroli® Brand Fox Loaf?


(click ad for closer look)
Romanian processed meats company Caroli (which shares its name with a disease that causes hypertension) tells us "we are not a vegetarian species." Well then: to support your point, perhaps you should've made sure the product photography in your ad looked better than the carrots you're so glibly making fun of, yes? I'm no vegan, but that "meat" loaf looks like cadaver flesh. But maybe this a provincial thing—anybody know if Romanians are cannibals? That crap almost looks as bad as the Spiderman 3™ cheeseburger. Next time, at least give us some hot phallic symbolism. Although for pure selling power, nothing beats supermodels playing with fatty meats.
(image via)

Now this is an anti-smoking spot.


If Ronaldo Martinez and his missing larynx creeped you out, then you most certainly should NOT move to Australia where they are known for their brutal anti-smoking campaigns. This commercial is terrifying. (thanks Evan for the tip)
previous anti-smoking ads:
1. ashes to ashes...
2. there's pee in your butt.


Yes, it's Dickman's Meat of Tucson, Arizona.
No, I didn't sample the cold cuts.
previously in dick jokes:
1. The Human Dickwad.
2. The Whiskey Dicks for Viagra.
3. Moises Alou pees on his hands.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Bungle in the Jungle.


(click pic to get full effect)
7:37 pm, November 20, 2007, aisle 5B, Walgreen's, Tucson, Arizona.

previous photos by copyranter:
1. Rats on a Dog, Vienna, Austria.
2. The Great Wall of New York.
3. Tomato/Plastic Knife, 2007.
4. copyranter's new logo.
5. Crankcase Flushed.

GEEZER JUNKIES RULE!!!


(click ads to views lines of coke/aging)
"Ethyl, help me find a vein, goddammit!"
A rehab centre in England claims "there's no such thing as an old junkie." That's true, of course, but only because The Olds just can't afford their weekly scores on Social Security (if only they had met with that Genworth Financial rep). It was hard enough keeping their habits a secret from their geezer jock husbands. If I was a middle-aged addict, I'd take these ads as a challenge, not as a deterrent. In fact, this campaign was mostly created not to reduce drug use, but so that the ad agency, London's Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO, could enter it in scores of ad awards shows after which, if it wins, some of the agency personnel involved with the campaign will do celebratory drugs. Pathetic.
(images via)

Monday, November 19, 2007

Czech beer commercial presents a magical manly misogynistic world where all women are blow-up dolls.


Don't worry, you don't need the English translation with this international universal message: real men don't listen to a fucking word their wives/girlfriends say. Can I get HOO-AH my Y-chromosomed Brethren? You can just picture the envious Budweiser marketing brahs high-fiving each other over the conference room table after a late-night viewing of this piece of advertising art. American Misogynists? You already have your favorite sunglasses, hardware store, auto dealership, server company, and dating service. Now, you have a new favorite alcoholic beverage. (Also note the flabby yet sunken-chested everyman body of our hero as compared to his lithe model companion.)
thanks to Edith George for the tip

about.com perhaps goes a bit too far with the wordplay.

OH! HAHA! I get it!
See, her husband/boyfriend hasn't viciously assaulted her, resulting in the death/loss of her unborn baby. It's just a little harmless joke...which is a good thing, otherwise, the expectant Mother might have committed "shoe-icide," thus "deactivating" her life. Hopefully you've learned a lesson here, about.com—Words Can Kill. Right, General Betray Us?
(bus poster at 14th & 8th. thanks to Timothy Cooper for the pic)

Friday, November 16, 2007

Link Haze, 11/16/07.

A site which is nothing but pics of a moron pissing on the toilet paper in public bathrooms. (link)
In honor of the Alex Bogusky plate submitted by a reader for my Lies Well Disguised logo contest, Cathy Taylor at adverganza dug up a McCann Truth Well Told plate. Shitergy! (link)
Those forward-thinking kids at TBWA\Chiat\Day are "retooling" their idea of bringing back Uncle Ben to sell Uncle Ben's rice because, you know, it was insensitive and stupid? (link)
Britain is seeking a motto. Sorry chaps, I got nothing. (link)
Do you know what a farm dog is? This is what a farm dog is, you soft pansified urbanite. (link)
Fortunate or unfortunate newspaper coupon placement? (link)
The Elvis Visa card. (link)
Two absolutely cringe-inducing TV spots for Toyota of Tampa Bay, one themed after Jacko's Thriller, the other steals from U2. Hello, LAWYERS? (thanks to Regan Meador for the tips!)
Peter Frampton Comes Alive (again) for GEICO. (link)
Starbucks, getting riiight into the Christmas spirit, sues a small Michigan coffee shop because their sign is a circle. (link)
Kraft tries to get all hip with the kids on the MySpace, lame effort backfires badly. (link)

Diamond brand promises monogamy 100 times more powerful than normal.

(click ad for closer look)
The Hearts On Fire® "brand" diamond sells for 15-20% more than other designer diamonds. Why? The cut? The marketing? The marketing? You go ahead and read this in-depth Fortune article about the HOF diamond and discern the answer for yourself. Me, I'm much more interested in discussing this cubic zirconia of a tagline. It even surpasses the audacious DeBeers diamond slogan on copyranter's proprietary Bullshit Geiger Counter. Why not monogamy to the 1,000,000th power? Because that would be ridiculous? (Actually, it's probably because commas are ugly graphic elements.) And is this a guarantee? If my future wife bangs the entire roster of the Manchester United football squad a week after I give her a HOF diamond, do I get 100 times my money back?
Addn: here's a stat for you from that Fortune piece—96% of women "expect" a diamond engagement ring before marriage. That's the best testament to the power of marketing out there.
(thanks much to Alicia for the tip/scan!)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

FUCK. It's a Ketel One truck.

(click image for closer look)
The worst alcohol ad campaign in the history of advertising and/or distillation is integrated.
If there ever was a truck that needed to be tagged by foul-mouthed graffiti artists, this is it. Luckily, the Nolet numbskulls and their agency, M&C Saatchi, have again left some white space for a response. "GO FUCK YOURSELF" would fit nicely. Maybe something a little more subliminal would be a better option. Or, just smear some dog shit on it. I welcome your suggestions. (photo by Jason Pickar)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Global Warming logos: from bland to bad to brainless.




Top Row, Left—The logo for Al Gore's fancy organization. Bland and inoffensive, which kinda figures.
Top Row, Right—logo for stopglobalwarming.org. Earth's mohawk is on fire.
Middle Row, Left—Ben & Jerry's contribution to the crisis. Fuck it, man. Let's get toasty and scarf down some blue-greeny melting goodness.
Middle Row, RightHow fucking utterly depressing. The steamrolling, burning earth is going to crush me.
Bottom Row, Left—Greenpeace brings a minimally-talented 5th-grader's aesthetic to this vital struggle.
Bottom Row, Right—Sweet, hot irony. British (sorry, Beyond) Petroleum's logo looks like an exploding earth fireball.
previously in logos:
1. The GPH killer strikes again.
2. War on terror's terrifyingly terrible logo.
3. Blackwater logo Christmas tree ornament.
4. The most Douche ever splattered on a polo shirt.
5. What the marketing director of Chase jerks off to every morning.
6. What the marketing director of Deutsche Bank jerks off to every morning.

copyranter likes a print ad from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.


(click ad for closer look)
It joins a short list of print executions I've liked in the last couple of years: this groovy trippy ad for a Calgary, Alberta hemp store; this Kelly Award-winning Halloween ad for Snickers; Iggy Pop for John Varvatos; this teaser ad for the HBO show "Big Love"; and this spec ad I did (and presented to the client) celebrating Time Out New York's 10th birthday.
(image via)
update: The studio actually is in Halifax, Nova Scotia, says an anon commenter. I mistakenly just went by the 405 area code of the studio's phone number.)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Lies Well Disguised, #56.

TORTURE PORN!
Today on Gawker, I posted about a new video from Amnesty International that portrays a "war on terror" detainee being "interrogated" by a British gentleman. (link) And in the comments, a nasty little political discussion has broken out. How cute! To read any of the previous 55 Lies Well Disguised columns, just type those three words up in the search window.

LEAKED? Sarah Silverman's World AIDS Day song?

(click bottom image to read the silly lyrics)
December 1st is World AIDS Day
—And in the works, according to an anonymous tipster, is the above Sarah Silverman song called Happy AIDS Day, Anyway—a song that anon says would be part of Gap's (PRODUCT) Red campaign. OK, even though Silverman is part of the new general Gap campaign, there's no way in Hell Gap would ever run all or part of this as a TV spot, though I could definitely see her singing it on her show. The tipster also says this project may have been put on hold, and examining the lyrics, I can see why. If you don't feel like clicking and reading the whole song, here's a couple sample stanzas:
I'm not black
I'm not gay
And Africa is so far away
But what's one more December holiday?
Happy AIDS Day anyway
and,
AIDS is a gift
that keeps on giving
Give (RED) gifts
And stop regifting
Help African kids get drugs
(SHOUT) But not for tripping!
Happy AIDS Day anyway

Monday, November 12, 2007

Coffin humor sells WonderBra.


WonderBra has got to be a choice account to work on. The jokes are easy, and the client seems to be willing to run just about anything. A substantial percentage of student portfolios plopped down in front of creative directors these days include a WonderBra campaign. This :20 commercial via Dentsu, Singapore, looks like something straight out of a 22-year-old boy's limited imagination. Personally, I'd love to see Salma Hayek as official SpokesChest for the brand.
previously in Breasts:
1. the continuing chestification of true.com
2. latest AA model a Lohan look-a-like.
3. squeezable stress bOObs.
4. we are all bOObs.

In France, Tampax acknowledges that, once a month, blood does in fact come out of a woman's vagina.


(click ad to vainly look for menstrual blood)
In the United States, Tampax inexplicably equates the experience of sticking one of their absorbent tubes up one's cooter to riding a wild horse. (Kotex, at least, seems to recognize that women can be eyeless medusas during their periods.)
However in the above French ad, via Leo Burnett—France, the P&G company actually presents a tampon benefit—NO BLOOD LEAKAGE. It's certainly not a great ad, but at least it dramatizes a real reason to buy. Good luck trying to find any reference to bloody pussies in American tampon advertising. The closest we come is by using the word "flow" in the copy. It's like looking for sex cues in U.S. Viagra ads (shit even in China they get right to the spermy point.).
(image via)
previously in marketing to women:
1. SJP. Girlie. Edgy.
2. Pink NHL jerseys.
3. You've cum a long way, baby.
4. INTRODUCING F*CK-ME CAMELS.
5. Butch Cassidy sez: bang your husband, eat your greens.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

I read Penis Enlargement Spam Emails so you don't have to.

Time again to file a report on the mad copywriting skills of spammers. Last time, I was duly impressed with the awkward but powerful tagline for the Penis Patch™. However, the Shakespearean scribe selling the ManSter herbal penis enlargement supplement puts the Penis Patch pitchers to shame. What imagination! What flair! Just take a look at these sample email subject lines found in my Spam box:
Have you ever felt a kiss of a womb?
Positive changes in your sexual life are not a chimera.
Kiss of a womb! Chimera!! Brilliant!!!
And then there was this ode from the bawdy bard writing e-missives for the supplement MegaDik:
Now that you've met a lass that's hot
You wanna screw her moistened twat.
She's full of passion, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will long for more?
You need a wang she would adore!
But how to get it long and thick?
Your only chance is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see wild craving in her eyes!
Your shaft will stuff her box so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!
Robert Frost reincarnated?
previously in The Penis:
1. copyranter mans a glory hole.
2. NYU condom instructions booth.
3. VIVA VIAGRA! It's the Whiskey Dicks!
4. NYC graffiti I understand: the penis fart.
5. Strawberry Bush & Raspberry Jam AquaGlide.


Friday, November 09, 2007

Link Haze, 11/09/07.

The Gap, having so successfully conquered clothing design, moves on to the Vespa. (link)
A NYC "art collective" called the Sprinkle Brigade traipses around the City and turns un-scooped pieces of dog shit into pieces of art. (link) I, on the other hand, stick to making mixed media art with my urine.
Northern New Jersey is Pro-Life billboard central. (link)
Speaking of religion, here's dumb things seen on church signs. (link)
The ad jingle writers of the 60s are a dying breed. (link) I once wrote a jingle for beano.
1981 TV spot for the Frisbee®—THE BEST HUMAN INVENTION EVER. (link)
The noodle-armed geeks at Gizmodo think this is the best political ad ever. I think this twit should be deported. (link)
Scans from a 1977 JC Penney's catalog. Truly scary. (link)
Lego® Stephen Hawking. (link)
NO GOOD TIPS this week—I guess nobody wants a new, sizzling hot Bacon Wristband...IF YOU PEOPLE don't pick it up, I will shut down this stupid blog. It gives me migraine headaches.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Webcargo "Talking Asses" Commercial.

Yes, this is a few weeks old, and pretty much every other stupid ad blog has posted about it. But just in case you only read this stupid ad blog, here it it is—Click Here.
The spot, of course, didn't run in the United States—just Canada. It certainly burns "saving your ass" into your memory. Surprised it's still up on YouTube. Naked ass ads are still verboten in America. We're pathetic.

hemp store ad gets high marks from copyranter.

(click on the ad for an even heavier trip)
Ad for the Grass Roots hemp store in Calgary, Alberta.
I don't like many print ads, it's true. You people are always prodding me, 'well DOUCHEBAG, how 'bout showing us an ad that you DO like.' And then I'm all like, 'I WILL when I fucking FIND one.' If I was back teaching ad classes, I'd give this an A+ and tell the student to never take another ad class because he/she doesn't need to. No headline. No copy. Small logo. It's beautiful man. fucking BEAUTIFUL!
(image via)

Law firm says either you're an ostrich, they're an ostrich, or the law is an ostrich.

(click ad to better read the copy)
Another law firm
, another case of goofy misused animal symbolism. First, let's review past wild kingdom ads by law firms:
Bingham McCutchen is either a bear or a zebra.
Dykema is a giraffe.
Zuckerman Spaeder is a lion and I'm a canary; or, they're maybe an iguana and I'm a fly.
Now, I will attempt to professionally analyze this ad from Day Pitney. Ostriches are known for sticking their heads in the sand to "hide" from danger, right? So, maybe DP is saying that they'll protect you/me, the ostrich, "when things get ugly?" But, one could also read this layout as saying, 'when things get ugly, we the ostrich law firm, will be there to save you/me. OR, the ostrich could be representing "things" getting ugly, which means law issues, I guess.
Help?
Update: commenter antfarm says it's an emu, which just increases the confusion...
(scanned from yesterday's Wall Street Journal)

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

The LIES WELL DISGUISED Logo Contest.

I've received six entries since I posted about the $100 contest to design a new logo for my Lies Well Disguised column on Gawker. None yet have quite been the type of thing I'm looking for. However, I did get a laugh out of this submission from Darren featuring a plate with the airbrushed likeness of dreamy badass Alex Bogusky. You've only got one more week, so keep 'em coming!

As a matter of fact, there IS a perfectly logical reason why this male model's pants are around his ankles.


It's probably because designer frankie morello didn't want to spend the extra lira (sorry, euros) to place a separate ad for men's underwear in the November Italian Vogue.
But putting aside media budgets, what the fuck is going on here? Did she just service him? Perhaps...he is a forest sprite who's not used to wearing clothing? This senseless ad joins other recent mysteries of fashion advertising like the passed out Kate Spade shoe wearer, the Jimmy Choo desert murder scene, the Dakota Fanning about-to-be-raped Marc Jacobs ad, the Diesel fuck-you angel, and the Uniqlo antelope.
Maybe you have a guess as to what the above scene means? If so, please leave it in the comments.
(thanks to Sivan Lewin for the tip/ad)

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Lies Well Disguised, #55.

COLON WAR—US v. FINLAND—COLON WAR!
Today on Gawker, I pitted a recent American constipation commercial against a Finnish one—with the winner garnering a Golden Turd award (link).
To read any of the previous 54 Lies Well Disguised columns, just type those three words up in the search window.

Writing Shittier than the Shit from a Shitbeast from the Planet Shitto in the Shitty Way Galaxy.

(click ad to read)
From Verizon, a new nominee for the Bad Copywriting Hall of Fame—joining this cellphone hyperbole, this gym ad headline, this lazy beer ad, this Starbucks billboard, the Energy Hog, this "explosive" airport poster, this Svedka fembot ad, and thrice nominated Kenneth Cole.

Washington Square News asks the tough questions.


Dining on Mommy & Daddy's nest-egg omelets.
(warning: a curmudgeonly "when I was in college" recounting upcoming)
When I was an undergrad at good 'ol Rutgers U., the dining hall vittles were regularly the worst "food" I'd ever attempted to digest. Saturday evening dinner, for instance, usually consisted of a choice of 1.) a grayish meat-like slab that a dying mongrel dog would piss on or 2.) nothing.
So, not surprisingly, I got visibly pissed when I happened upon the above poll on the NYU student newspaper Website. Those spoiled fucking rich little douchebag pricks—36% (as of 8:30 am this morning) answered "no" (26% yes). Probably because their weekly food allowance already allows them to eat at fucking Nobu seven nights a week. Do Mommy & Daddy also pay for your condoms? Fuck you, you current and future society drains.
previously in NYU:
1. Ad Council PSA confuses wasted NYU students.
2. It IS hard for black kids to fit in on the UWS.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Kama Sutra Condom Ads Bizarre On Multiple Levels

First off, Ogilvy & Mather India, what's with the radioactive material logo design flourish? Trying to scare the troops into buying the big 50 pack with some end-of-the-world imagery?
Secondly, are you encouraging our army boys in India to cheat on their significant others by engaging in multiple-position monster sex sessions with your country's prostitutes?
Thirdly, Seriously, WTF???
(image via. there's also sailor and astronaut versions)
previously in condoms:
1. It's raining se(men).
2. condom technology blows.
3. NYU students learn the ten easy steps to using a condom.

Absolut goes there.


I've been hitting Absolut's new solidly sub-average campaign a lot lately, and was planning on giving those kreative kids at TBWA/Chiat Day a rest. Then, after a tip from "Fred Mercury," I found the above print ad that's apparently currently only running in Europe.
I thought exploiting Hurricane Katrina to sell vodka was bad—but at least in that case, the Swedish distiller was doing something to help the cause. Here, they've just giddily created a juvenile God image that has the effect of making fun of the climate crisis. Nice one, you buffoons. And in an "Absolut world," wouldn't the oceans be all Absolut vodka? And I wonder what, exactly, the making, distributing, and selling of Absolut does to help the planet other than make some of us pass out and forget about the situation for a few hours. Maybe you change agents should get some tips from the world's only green vodka.
(image via)

Real Estate Porn—Chicago Style.

Yes, but will I have wide open vag views out my ass windows?
The residences at Burnham Pointe (oh, the money that extra "e" always costs you) are located in the Windy City's "prestigious South Loop" nabe in "Printers Row" (love those made-up marketing names). And unlike your clown make-up faced real estate agent, it's surprisingly doable! But only for rich men (and lesbians), apparently! P-shaw! In Manhattan, we also include doable men in our real estate ad porn.
(thanks to Garry Jaffe for the tip)

Friday, November 02, 2007

Link Haze, 11/02/07.

Pepto-Bismol singing audition tapes turned into an idiotic commercial. (link)
The most ridiculous sports team names in the world, via Cracked. (link)
Milton Glazer gets all deep and shit about virtual addiction. I didn't finish it. Maybe you will. (link)
This week's band names from Google headlines. Solar Panel Rip! (link)
A fucking 72 fucking thousand dollar fucking corkscrew, to go along with your $7,000 cell phone, $200 baby rattle, and $14,615 workout bike. (link)
Stop infectious diseases! Or get your head bitten off by a Shark (wtf?). (link)
And finally, it's up to you—which accounting firm has the stupidest corporate anthem: Ernst & Young or PriceWaterhouseCoopers?